What is Wrong With You? (Kureha Senkenzan)

From Radiant Heart MUSH

What is Wrong With You? (Kureha Senkenzan)
Date of Cutscene: 20 December 2023
Location: Chikafuji Manor
Synopsis: Kureha is too self-aware NOT to wrestle with her own emotions.
Thanks to: Everyone at 'Stand By Oneself'
Cast of Characters: Kureha Senkenzan
Tinyplot: Inner Conflict

The manor is quiet. Even Chisa has gone to bed. With no lights on in her room, Kureha Senkenzan sits, lit only by the pale light of the moon filtering in. Across from her, a pair of familiar crimson eyes stare back. Her own, looking out at her from within her dresser mirror. Her expression is one that she wouldn't want to show anyone. Troubled, searching, a bit frustrated. It's far more vulnerable than she should ever be showing anyone.

Why are you being such a fool?

She showed vulnerability earlier tonight. Open confusion, shock. And an unrelenting fury the likes of which she doesn't think she's felt... well, ever. Maybe Chisa's kidnapping came close. But seeing that puppet girl, Galatea, just... stop. And right after the ice bitch had said she wouldn't lay a hand-

Kureha stops entirely, silently aghast at her own mind. Words that venomous aren't like her. Spite, maybe, but sheer, open hostility like that... it's a liability. She can't help it, though. She already knows she can't. Just thinking about the heartless cruelty of Himeko's mother sets her blood boiling. Staring into her own eyes, seeing the sharpness there, the silent hardness, Kureha Senkenzan knows that she will not be able to ignore such an outrage. Not now, not ever.

This is rank madness. What are you thinking?

Her heart cries out at all the injustice she sees. She's already listened to it once. She's embraced her power as Onihime, resolved to follow her own desire to protect the weak, defend the innocent. And the part of her that grew up in the treacherous house of Chikafuji is still cursing her for even that amount of foolishness. To blithely accept help for others? To risk herself for no gain? To apply her power to the betterment of others, at her own expense? Lunacy. Her cousins, aunts and uncles take advantage of such behavior ruthlessly. Her father takes advantage of such behavior ruthlessly. The world takes advantage of such behavior ruthlessly. A smile is just bait. Pro bono assistance now is just a favor to be held over your head later.

The logical, hardened, cynical side of Kureha knows these things as truth. She's lived them. That side of her curses her even now for heeding the fire in her heart. For letting all these people get her hooks in her, for giving three people a phone number that lets them bother her for assistance at any time. Letting these people into her life, when everyone that's ever been in her life other than Chisa has been either a liability or an outright adversary.

What is wrong with you?

But she said it herself. Her father, her family, are the worst of the worst. She's starting to realize that. She thought they were par for the course, and all the initial reactions to her 'medical miracle' didn't do anything to dispel that impression. But since then, the daughter of the Senkenzan clan has watched, and listened, and been affected without noticing it. And today, her feelings slipped out before she even realized she felt them. But now that she's spoken them... she can't stop thinking about it. Most of the people she's interacted with have been... maybe not good, but not nearly as terrible as her family. And on the magical side of things, she's legitimately starting to believe that they're being genuine. If she hadn't before, then everyone's ire when the Yuki-Onna seemingly killed Galatea, everyone's relief when she woke back up... she can't bring herself to believe they were faked, no matter how hard she tries.

Kureha's focus slips back to the face in front of her. Her own face. She realizes she looks... stern. Resolved. She has such trouble recognizing her own emotions within herself, but letting them out on her face, she realizes that she's already arrived at her answer. The evidence of her eyes and ears over the past six months is in agreement, not with her cynicism, but with her heart. And for a second time, it's the memory of her grandmother's words that pushes her over the edge.

All I ask, my granddaughter, is that you trust your heart. Above all else, trust your heart, and follow whatever decision it makes.

"...nothing is wrong with me. Not a single thing."