View source for 1850/You Were the Mission

{{Log Header
|Date of Scene=2024/08/05
|Location=Dorms
|Synopsis=Bow comes to check in on Mamoru after Paris, and after some time to settle has occurred, and finds that the other teenager is still in need of help coping with some of the things that happened.
|Cast of Characters=38,226
|pretty=yes
}}
{{Poses
|Poses=:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>It's late afternoon and school's out for the long break -- which means the dorms are, in general, a lot more quiet. Only the students who live at the school all year, or who aren't going home for break for whatever reason, are present.<br><br>Mamoru's one of those all-year people.<br><br>When he opens the door for Bow, the archer can see the room's as scrupulously neat as ever, both sides of it pristine, and the window's open with a big fan in it to suck the hot air out and spit it into the hotter air outdoors. Shade would help. The building's low-grade air conditioning doesn't help much when your room takes in the afternoon sun.<br><br>Thus Mamoru's in cutoff jeans and a pastel yellow Hi Standard tour shirt with the sleeves carefully seamripped off. His feet are bare, and a pair of sandals is closest to the door of all his shoes.<br><br>"Bow!" he says, honestly delighted. "I'm sorry I didn't see much of you after-- come in! I was a mess, I'm only just starting to come out of hiding."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:226|Bow (226)}} has posed:'''<br>Dressing down seems to be in order today. Or at least contagious. Or it's just hot as balls outside. Dressed in a crop top with half an archery target on it, it reads, 'Aim higher...' whatever else was said on it has been lost to history and a pair of scissors and are probably with the legs of the jeans that have become shorts on the dark-skinned teen. "Hey, Mamoru!" he greets with a grin. <br><br>In his left hand is a four pack of the ginger beer that Mamoru liked, if Bow had recalled right. He's pretty good at that. In the other hand is a bag from Karaage Yukari Asakusaso that very much smells of fried chicken. "Hadn't seen you since Paris, thought we'd share a meal, if that's cool with you?" he asks with a tilt of his head and grin. <br><br>Sayaka is not with him, it just seems to be Bow is flying solo tonight. Slipping off his crocs (I'll fite you, he wears them), he steps past Mamoru and gives him a slight shoulder bump. "Maybe I can convince you to stay in one more night and chat about things? How are you holding up? Everything good? Wanna talk about anything?" He's perfectly aware that he was the one that died and was reborn in Paris - but Mamoru had to live through a LOT before that happened, and the Etherian is concerned. <br><br>"I know it's hard to talk to those closest to you sometimes. So, I'm just a friendly ear. A friendly ear that's been through a whole war of his own and coming into some realizations how different this world is. I'd rather hear you take on it though. How are /you/?" he asks, voice hiding it's true concern with friendly banter as he sets the bag and bottles on the table. "Come come. You're all skin and bones. Unlike this chicken." <br><br>A wink.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>"... a friendly ear who absolutely helped me out in those horrible tunnels," Mamoru says ruefully, gratefully, apologetically. And then he sounds happier, but still oddly gentle, "You're a good friend, Bow. A really good friend. I'd love to share a meal."<br><br>Truth be told, as much as he likes Sayaka, Mamoru is also grateful for her absence, because if Bow is serious about wanting to listen, it's not anything either of them would want Sayaka to hear.<br><br>He closes the door behind Bow as the other boy shoulder-bumps him. "Everything's evening out. I'm finally getting to realize on a gut level that Beryl is dead, and I visited my parents' grave on my birthday and didn't need anyone to watch my back as I did it, and I'm going to grief counseling. I asked my social worker about it, and she was happy to hook me up with a discreet program," he says, pulling out a desk chair and gesturing -- the only places to sit are desk chairs and beds, and the only surface to put anything on is desk top, but it's still a reasonably-sized room -- and Bow can pick his seating.<br><br>There are lumps on Mamoru's bed near the wall under the blankets, and there is a plush kale smoothie in the corner facing the wall. "But there's stuff I can't talk about even with the counselor. I can't talk about Paris, or about what happened before Paris-- I can't talk about my mother from long ago, who as far as my heart and endocrine system are concerned, died this past December-- but the system knows I was messed with a lot during the two and a half years I was missing, and I can talk around some things that way."<br><br>Once Bow's seated, Mamoru pulls out a bottle opener from his desk drawer and attacks the soft drinks' caps for himself and Bow, then takes a seat himself. "And I killed Thetis and that doesn't bother me at all. But I also helped kill those girls, and that doesn't go away even though they all came back. None of Paris goes away despite everyone coming back."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:226|Bow (226)}} has posed:'''<br>"You were in trouble, I'm your friend. It's a whole thing. Next time, let's try not for the explosive blossom ending." Bow says with a wink. He takes his dying so easily. It just doesn't seem to phase him all that much as he gestures. "I didn't ask for paper plates. So we're gonna have to share straight out of the box." he comments as he sets the box of chicken and sides on the desktop as he sits in a chair. He'd rather not be tempted to rub greasy fingers on Mamo's sheets after all! "I don't have a roommate and this is food for days, and it'd all go straight to the abs. Which would be a tragedy." <br><br>And hey! Good news, Sayaka won't be around... well. Who knows how long. But probably without Bow. But that's a Bow-issue and Bow is more focused on Mamoru-issues. <br><br>"Good." he says as he listens to Mamoru's progress. "You're taking some good first steps, when it comes to the grief part of it. I'm not really an expert in that, but it all sounds right to me." A wink and he looks thoughtful for a moment. "I'm sure you've talked to Kyouka on this? The old one, not that jerk teen one running around I want to put an arrow into the ass of." he says flatly as he looks around the room. Bow thought his room was spartan. Well, it is. At least Mamoru has decorations. Everything Sayaka gave Bow is now in a box while he figures out what to do with it.<br><br>"So, Paris." Bow decides to come to the heart of his visit. "Do you want - are you ready to talk about it? It's a lot to unpack. But first, I hear you trying to take a lot of guilt there. What Thetis did. What Beryl did? It was projected on you, sure? But it was never ever your fault. I've been in your past. Beryl has tried to manipulate you since the day you and Usagi dated. What she caused, what she did?<br><br>That was her heart, her powers. Not yours. Not Usagi's. Noone else but her. So we need to work on this mindset that what happened had anything to do with you being the cause. Her own dark twisted hatred and heart was the cause. And it wasn't you, it'd been someone else she'd blamed it on." <br><br>He draws in a breath. "Second. You couldn't change the way things played out if you wanted to. I'd still sacrificed myself - just as Chiyo did. I owe her something for that." he shrugs. A future Bow problem. "Now, with those two things out of the way, where would you like to start?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>"I think with some karaage," Mamoru says sheepishly, taking a piece. "I'm not skin and bones! But I'm definitely still growing." God forbid! He's already minding the tops of doorways as he goes through them. "Let me-- let me order my thoughts a little for a second," he says, and takes a crunchy bite of absolutely delicious and tender batter-fried chicken.<br><br>Some of the tension that had started to lock him up as Bow spoke bleeds out as he eats, then washes it down with a mouthful of ginger beer, then revels in the gingery kick a second later.<br><br>He sighs, making himself relax most of the rest of the way. "She lured me out of the orphanage when I was thirteen," he says, finally. "She was manipulating me-- suppressing what memory I had and replacing it with lies, making herself the only authority figure in my life, mostly punishing other people in front of me in order to punish me once she figured out I didn't take it seriously if she hurt ''me''-- long before I met Usagi. I never felt like I deserved that or like it was my fault. And I don't at all feel guilty over killing Thetis. When I froze up-- that was the seawater in the face, because literally the week before, they had me helpless and were torturing me until I didn't have enough energy to heal it anymore, and Thetis would wash away the-- would just dump water on-- saltwater-- I was on the floor and they kept taking pieces off, or opening me up, or-- and she just--"<br><br>It's a good thing they're not in henshin, or Mamoru would have a broken ginger beer bottle in his hand and a hell of a mess to clean up. "You remember-- what happened to me. When you visited in the hospital. My hand, afterwards. With the burn scars. Where there had to be an operation to restore functionality."<br><br>He holds up his right hand, and it's unscarred, pristine, untanned, soft-skinned... "The water in the face was ''harmless'' but it felt like I was on the floor again--"<br><br>So much for relaxing.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:226|Bow (226)}} has posed:'''<br>Bow uses the chicken time to take his own bite and Mamoru can see the Etherian's eyes widen and sparkle with delight. He had just asked someone what's a good chat food and this was suggested to him and it's his first time trying it and it's so good and the juiciness is so off-set with the crunchiness and oh my Brightmoon, he's only had roasted bird and this is soooooooooo different! He nomfs down several bites before he remembers to grab a napkin to clean his chin. <br><br>And yes, that kick of ginger. It cleanses the palette and the thoughts. And it's what's needed right here and now, and he takes a good long draw to wait for Mamoru to talk. <br><br>"So orphanage. Current life, I assume." Bow offers thoughtfully as he digests the information with the gingery drink. "Here's the thing. I wouldn't expect you to feel anything but relief at killing Thetis or Beryl or whatever... as release for what they did to you. What I meant more was... you might feel the guilt of hurting someone on the front line. I'll use me for example. When I killed my first Horde Trooper, before they started using robots, I felt a lot of guilt over it. But I wasn't the one that put him there. That was some Force Captain. It wasn't the Force Captain's fault. That was Hordak. It wasn't Hordak's fault, because Horde Prime put him there and abandoned him. And when I had the chance to take out Horde Prime - and save Glimmer? I let that arrow fly." Horde Prime caught it, but hopefully the visualization would make sense. <br><br>Then he's explaining the torture while Bow wipes off his hands. The Etherian draws in a breath and shudders. "I can feel that. How are you handling it?" No shared experience this time, even if Bow has one. Instead. He reaches out when that pristine hand is presented, and he covers it with own, that's marred by years of arrow draws. "Sometimes, the most accidental and innocent of things can trigger a memory that isn't pleasant, Mamoru." he explains.<br><br>"I can't handle sudden explosions I don't know about without henshing and having my arrow ready to fire. And then there was this one time when..." <br><br>Suddenly, he belches very loudly from chugging the ginger beer. His cheeks turn a brighter red and he slaps a hand over his mouth. "...cuse me."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>Mamoru looks sheepish and confirms after he carefully sets his ginger beer down. "Current life, yeah. And, uh, that's not common knowledge, me having grown up like that." The implication being: please don't spread that around, either. He doesn't think Bow ''would'' which is why he doesn't spell it out, but... it's probably not a stigma on Etheria, being an orphan.<br><br>He climbs out of his head to listen, reaching to pick up another piece of chicken, but not actually picking it up... he goes for a napkin instead, just holding it-- and he nods, glancing down and away for a second. "... we weren't going to get past them to Beryl without killing them," he agrees, slowly, then looks back up. "Usako might need to hear this, too. I'll-- I'll see how she's doing with it. Because you're right. That's a big part of the guilt."<br><br>He sighs. "Another big part is survivor's guilt. It wasn't just you and Chiyo. Jadeite took a bullet for me. And I had to leave people behind to die because I still had a job to do-- like I had to leave my mother behind so I could close Elysion and warn the Moon that Beryl's troops were coming. And the people I had to kill then, they were my subjects, they were maddened by Metalia's power, it wasn't their fault either. There were ''kids'', Bow... I'm supposed to protect people, to save them, to heal them, that's what I'm ''for''. But that..."<br><br>Bow saw.<br><br>Mamoru takes a deep breath, crumpling the napkin in his hand. "You're right. It wasn't my fault either. It's going to take a while to internalize that, but you're right, you're right..."<br><br>He swallows, as Bow puts a hand over his, and the sudden contact means Bow is bathed in Mamoru's whirlwind of feelings for a moment before he can ''watch'' Mamoru put up the psychic walls again, making it regular contact, no connection with the whole Earth in one touch, but also no drowning in someone else's emotions. "I just need to make sure it doesn't happen again," he starts, then trails off and laughs. "Excused."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:226|Bow (226)}} has posed:'''<br>There's a laugh from Bow as he pats his abs. "Must be good, right?" he asks about the burp and gives Mamoru a wink, before turning his attention to the serious side of things. <br><br>First up is the orphanage thing, which draws a grin of both amusement and understanding. "You should see people's faces when I say I have two dads and no mom. They immediately jump to 'you must be adopted'. And then I bring up that I have twelve siblings. And then? Usually assumptions that my dads must be really rich to have twelve kids." <br><br>"I don't get to tell them the truth, that where I'm from, yes, you can get pregnant the same way you do on Earth, but there's also ''magic'' so that if two people who love each other very much, they can make a miracle happen. And my dads love each other so much that they made thirteen miracles, of which, I'm the youngest and last. So, all that said, it means your secret's safe with me. I may screw up my own, but yours and anyone else's in precious to me." <br><br>Now his attention can turn to the other issue here. "You were the mission. You and Sailor Moon were the only ones that could pull off what needed to be done. The rest of us? We were there to insure you accomplished the mission. You're a Prince, it's time for you to accept a hard truth. One that your shittenou may not share with you, but I will." <br><br>"Glimmer is very special to me. Almost as much as Sayaka was." he admits. "...but from the day I met her when I was made aware that my place was at her side as her friend... and her guard. I learned that also means that my life is forfeit if it means saving Glimmer. What's happening right now? With me here? With her there? It's tearing me apart. But she made me swear not to do something brash. So I have to wait. Wait for her to figure out how to get out the moonstone. And worry that she's going to do something stupid... foolish." he corrects himself. "...with dark magic. Just like your subjects were poisoned by Metalia. That was not your fault." <br><br> "I'm sorry you had to leave your mom behind. This is all sounding so familiar. Glimmer's mom... Queen Angelica. She sacrificed herself to save us all when Catra destroyed Etheria. That's a different story - but I think it's because of her mom that Glimmer is still at Obsidian. And Mamo... ''we're'' kids. Child soldiers in a war we didn't create." <br><br>His hand settles on Mamoru's, a gasp as he gets that feedback from him, that feeling of the ''World'' that he has to carry on his shoulders. And he can tell when Mamoru is raising his shields. "Don't." Bow says, dark eyes rising to meet Mamoru's. "You do not need to carry this burden alone. Let others in. Do not be afraid of chasing me off with it. I can handle a lot..." he manages with a smile of determination. "It's part of being a friend to you."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>A maelstrom of doubt and fear and locking up and resignation is what greets the word 'don't' -- a great deal of it gets clawed away in order to communicate clearly, and it's all tangled with the sensations that don't parse very well to anyone who doesn't share Mamoru's extra senses: an awareness of the ground through the walls and floors of the dorm, an awareness of the bright lives around them, an awareness of the locations of recognised signatures, people Mamoru's tied to... Mamoru has the filters developed to sort all of that out, the same way most other people have filters developed to sort out what sounds are important and what sounds aren't, what sights are out of place, scents, tastes. But Bow is asking him not to put up his shields.<br><br>"Other people--" Mamoru manages to get out, sudden heat in his face and stinging in his eyes, "--get to edit their feelings down into words. It turns this into a different conversation, Bow. Let me at least filter--"<br><br>And it does calm down; it's not a wall that Mamoru puts up, like the one he was so handily and quickly lowering into place -- it's more like he's hastily constructing some sort of bridge that Bow can stand on with him and watch the sensations and emotions flow past underneath. It's careful and mild dissociation. "It's because I'm upset," he explains, his voice on the other end of a tunnel for a moment, underwat--<br><br>Not underwater. A flash of drowning flows past under the bridge, seeing his bedroom that they're in through the lens of saltwater grasped around his head, during the kidnapping.<br><br>"I can do this for a little while, but I'll get tired pretty fast. When I'm not upset it's not this... frantic. Usually Kazuo or Usagi are the only ones that weather this kind of nonsense, they're familiar with it and don't drown in it." More drowning.<br><br>There's a bright flash of amusement in the stream, then, as Mamoru rewinds their conversation, looks for what Bow said, looks for the reactions he had that he can share. Amusement over the adoption assumption with a little bit of jealousy over having been the youngest of thirteen, having so much family, loving family, and a place in the world growing up--<br><br>"Sorry," says Mamoru a little absently. "It was funny. Please don't edit your life for me, it's good for me to be exposed to different points of view, and I enjoyed--" He enjoyed hearing it, too. Imagining little Bow, and now imagining big Bow having that conversation. The jealousy's only a part of it.<br><br>''You were the mission.''<br><br>Mamoru's shaking his head, and a slideshow of fourteen deaths plays out in front of them and Mamoru protectively pulls Bow to the center of the bridge so they can't see details, can't see what happened to Bow from the perspective of the healer who tried in vain to find life within his body, can't see what happened to Jadeite, what happened what happened what happened.<br><br>Mamoru breathes.<br><br>"Sailor Moon was the mission. I can see being the ancillary mission, because like I spent so much effort keeping Jadeite from dying in December, she spent so much effort keeping ''me'' from dying in December, and she had to save her power for the boss fight," he says, and it's not guilt, it's a stark brittleness that creeps up around them like frost. "I'm not a prince anymore, Bow. We-- the Shitennou and I and the Senshi and Moon-- we need to train together, so we don't think self-sacrifice is the only way to solve a problem. But I'm ''not'' a prince anymore. I just protect people because that's the power I was born with, I was ''named'' for it--"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>And that's when a tower of the fortress the bridge is part of falls into the river they're standing over and washes away. It's Mamoru realizing that he has the same fucking job that he had when he was Endymion, just without the title and politics and socioeconomics attached to it.<br><br>Mamoru pulls his hand back as the flooding river jumps its banks and the tower starts to crash into the bridge, as dissociating no longer works, as he can't keep up the filter that keeps his own emotions and his own experiences separate from Bow's, and his napkin-holding hand mashes the paper against his eyes, pushing his glasses out of the way. "Damn it..."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:226|Bow (226)}} has posed:'''<br>It's not a matter of extra senses. It's a matter of understanding. And Bow has heard the words. "Words can also be constructed to hide truths and lessen and internalize blows." the archer points out as he squeezes Mamoru's hand reassuringly. "I need to see it as you do. So I can understand and help." And that is why he hangs onto Mamoru's hand with one hand, the other hand coming up to caress his cheek for a moment. "It's going to be okay. I am right here next to you." he promises. <br><br>As Mamoru places him on the bridge in the midsts of the maelstrom, Bow lets out the breath that he was holding. Admittedly, yes that first burst of the energies from Mamoru, it was like trying to get a drink of water from the deluge of falls of Brightmoon. It was... alot. But as he narrows down those falls, to form a bridge over them, he appreciates it, and chuckles lightly at the tunnel construct. "...so I guess this is an invitation to you." A determined smile sets upon Bow's face. He feels the pressure of the sea water on his face, he can taste the saltiness of it. They... not he... they are drowning and Bow sucks in a breath, coughing on the choking feeling before he manages to force himself around it. <br><br>"I'll make it. I can press through this..." says the child soldier of Etheria, one of many child soldiers. But he opens his feelings in return in this emotional maelstrom. George and Lance - his dads, showing him the library, what was supposed to be his career and home. Of being introduced to Glimmer, his best friend. One of many best friends. The fact that they met Adora - the enemy - and that he had the crazy idea to trust her with the runestone with the sword around it. Another best friend. Of the portal. The fear, the loss of control. Meeting Mamoru. The camping trip.<br><br>While being in Mamoru's emotions is like a sparrow in a hurricane, Bow is literally the Lazy River at the waterpark. "This is just how I always am. I get upset sure. There's some rapids... but I have to keep it together. For my friends, for my loved ones." <br><br>One of those recent rapids creep up as Mamoru talks about Usagi. Bow's feelings of Sayaka are there. The whirlpool of a whirlwind romance. Her anger at him at nearly sacrificing himself to defeat Sunbreaker. And then again for actually doing so in Paris... the heartbreak of a failed relationship, the hope of a continued friendship. <br><br> But Mamoru is pulling him away from something. "No." he says, facing Mamoru again. "I need to see." Pulling away and to step to the mirror, he watches the fourteen that gave all. He stands there a moment, his eyes wide, brimming with tears. "So many. You carry so many burdens. Who carries yours, Mamoru?" he asks his friend. "...I died there. But my spirit didn't leave. Did you know I tagged along with Jolly Roger... until she too, gave her life? We made shanties together. But the point is, Mamoru... we never left your side."<br><br>''Sailor Moon was the mission.''<br><br>Bow's hand tightens in Mamoru's. "Do you honestly think that Usagi can carry this out without you? You're her rock. You may not be a Prince, but to her? You are the Prince of her Universe." Someone's discovered Queen's '''It's a Kind of Magic''' LP.<br><br>"You. The Shittenou. Usagi. The Senshi. You're no longer alone. We're all in this fight together. Paris should have ''proven'' that fact. By Brightmoon, it should have!" <br><br>And that's when the bridge falls and Mamoru pulls away. And from the river of emotions and memories and back to the claustrophobic dorm room. As Mamoru starts to tear up, Bow is in stunned silence for several moments. Before he sets aside his plate and moving closer to Mamoru, those archer's arms, wiry and strong, wrap around Mamoru and pulls him into a hug, pressing the other boy to him. "I understand..." he whispers... "But it's not your burden alone. The worst burden of a Commander, a General, a Princess, a Queen, a Prince... is to not to rely on your own support system and try to handle it all yourself." <br><br>"You are NOT alone."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>There's frustration at Bow's insistence that he see into Mamoru's heart, frustration and mulishness, and he's not happy about it but he does it, he does it. His reaction to Bow's memories and Bow's feelings is almost like he's grasping at a life preserver, something that's not in his own head-- words help him get out of his own head, which is why, why why why it's harder and more worthwhile to him to communicate. And this is intimate, and that's uncomfortable in a different way...<br><br>''Who carries your burdens, Mamoru?'' asks Bow, and Mamoru's too in it to answer properly, but there are flashes of Usagi and Kazuo, and of him helping with theirs too, and how helping is a way to lessen the load, and how Mamoru letting Bow help him is in part trying to help Bow himself--<br><br>The slideshow included the enemy girls, the ones who made a sensation by not knowing how they ended up in the catacombs, the ones who were gently covered by the veil, forgetting everything that led them there-- included what was left of them, in their school uniforms, dead on the ground, because they were kids just like them-- and Bow can see Mamoru applying his counsel, it wasn't his fault, it wasn't their fault, they are all child soldiers.<br><br>"I saw you," he says, after listening to everything, after pulling away, after Bow takes him in his arms in a big Bow hug. "I saw you with Jolly. And I felt Jadeite's power when the guys and I did a combo."<br><br>But Mamoru's voice is small, half-muffled in Bow's cut-off t-shirt. "I know I'm not alone. I know we're not alone. But it's going to take more time before I can think about this without breaking a little. It's not the only thing I can think about anymore, but it's going to take time. And..."<br><br>And here's where Mamoru gently lifts the wall again, a little bit, and he's scoured raw but he's also already building his scaffolding again, his structure of emotional operations. And he lets Bow see that he's zeroed in on something else.<br><br>"I can't talk about me anymore. But you wouldn't let me hide even a little bit. I'm utterly within my rights to pry, but I won't-- I'll just tell you you're cordially being offered an enforced invitation to a post-breakup sleepover with ice cream. I'm telling Usagi about the breakup."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:226|Bow (226)}} has posed:'''<br>The relief that Mamoru will fill from Bow is palpable, that he's understanding what the Etherian was trying to explain. That in a war... the only ones to blame are the commanders that bring about such terrible destruction. And what did Beryl get out of it? Heartache, misery, and anger. A lot of the same traits that Horde Prime carried. If Bow is bothered by the communication, he says nothing, his heartbeat warm and soft as he considers the information that Mamoru shares with him. <br><br>As the information network comes up, Bow gives him a reassuring squeeze. "...good. Hold onto them. Don't shut them out. I may be temporary, but I will listen to you as well, my friend." As the DG girls are brought up, Bow's breath hitches for a moment on Zwei. The thought of driving the rose into her chest still resonates with him, the feel of the explosion as he was torn out - his relief that his sacrifice was not in vain. And his last breath. <br><br>"Anytime you feel like you're breaking?" Bow reaches up and strokes his fingers into Mamoru's short hair at the base of his neck. "Pick up a phone and call someone. Just to talk. If not about the event, then about something else. I want you to keep a journal on the things happening to you. And every month, I want you to compare the beginning to the end of the month to see what's different, and if it's improved, or something you need to talk about." <br><br>And just as he is saying that, Mamoru brings up the breakup. <br><br>Bow is stricken for a moment and Mamoru gets a brief pang of guilt. Of a discussion of self-sacrifice and throwing away his life to save others so easily and recklessly. "I guess what's good for the goose..." he murmurs in a bit of dejection. "I'm still working my way through that." he admits as he pulls back finally. "You good?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>"Everything, everyone is temporary," Mamoru murmurs at Bow's 'I may be temporary' -- it's not a depressive thing, it's not a fatalistic thing, it's only philosophical. There's a deep well of an old hurt underneath it, and a sharper well of fear over the Fade, but in the end it's only an acknowledgement of reality, existing in the wrung-out moment after high emotion.<br><br>When Bow's fingers stroke through the hair at the back of his neck, Mamoru flinches -- ticklish, and he was distracted by the mental images and visceral memories of the sensations of dying (though his own death as Endymion was different) and didn't see the extra contact coming. He starts to pull back away, gently. It is, after all, also beastly hot.<br><br>"I will," he promises. "A journal, comparing how I feel at the beginning and end of every month. Talk to someone every time I feel untethered or like the cracks are turning into chasms, even if it's about something else..."<br><br>Now they're talking about Bow's breakup, and Mamoru lets out a subdued little laugh and puts his glasses back on, straightening his sleeves-off punk shirt, letting his face slowly stop being red and kind of splotchy. "All this and you're calling me a ''goose'' now," he teases, but he's breathing, and he leaves the one hand on Bow's. "I'm good," he says, and he's not lying: for now, he's good. And now he has a plan for getting good again when he starts to spiral, and the knowledge that he's not alone in his experience. "I think a bunch of us need to work on the self-sacrifice tendencies. But in the meantime, what kind of ice cream do you like?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:226|Bow (226)}} has posed:'''<br>Bow nods. "It's what we have done with our time that is important." he agrees with Mamoru with that. "My biggest fear is that ss much as I love this planet and the friends I have made here... I will forget from where I came from. Giving up Light Hope gave up my chance at returning to Etheria. And now... there's this threat over my head that threatens to clou my memories of who I am and where I'm from. My fathers, my siblings, my planet. It kinda scares me." A lot. <br><br>But now that Mamoru seems to be out of his own head, Bow backs down and grins. "Glad to see you back with me fully." he says with a wink, "I wss getting ready to pull." The response is playful and mirthy as he settles his hands in his lap. "I didn't bring my journal with me, but I keep a running vlog here - and a paper journal of home. Of things I want to share when I get back there. It doesn't have to be just the bad stuff, just whatever information you feel is important for that day. Feel free to ramble, even!" <br><br>"Totally a Goose. That was the co-pilot in Top Gun right? You remind me of him. Someone that is settled and determined. Kind hearted with a sense of family. And that the world does you wrong in the end of it. Even you are the Senshi of said world." <br><br>Bow gives Mamoru's hand one last fond squeeze. "But yeah, expect a lot more guys nights out since well... I kinda figured it out for myself that I need to find a balance, and with Glimmer off being a bad guy and Adroa rediscovering herself again, things will be interesting for a bit." <br><br>Now, his attention is on ice cream and he grins. "So back on Etheria, we actually have ice cream!" he points out. "And I never could settle on a favorite. I love trying new combonations and tates, I know, weird, but it's how I roll. I'll eat any ice cream you probably put in front of me. I'm not picky."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>A journal with everything.<br><br>Mamoru is gut-level uncomfortable with having all of his life written down in one place where anyone could get at it, but he'll figure ''something'' out, he needs to take the whole assignment seriously.<br><br>Maybe if he writes it in a 12,800 year old language.<br><br>Mamoru pulls himself out of the brief thought sidetrack and laughs, this time sheepishly. "Guess I'll have to watch Top Gun. But! Please, kindly remember that this guy is an introvert and let me limit my time attending guys' nights out. Especially when I'm balancing three romantic relationships on top of that ''and'' homework... but I do have a lot of guys on call to stand in for me?" Now he's grinning,<br><br>"I'm ''really'' glad you have ice cream on Etheria! We'll go out to the store, you and me and Usagi, and we'll pick ice creams none of us has tried before and then an extra couple of tried-and-true, just in case the others strike out," the prince says, and then he reaches to snake another piece of karaage from the container, as if they'd never stopped munching.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:226|Bow (226)}} has posed:'''<br>There's a blink from Bow. "You have not seen ''Top Gun''? I was told it was required as Great American Classic." But of course, they're in Japan. Maybe that's why? He'll have to see if there's a dub or a sub, though he gives a low whistle at the number of relationships that Mamoru is in. "Save some for the rest of us." he comments teasingly. "If you know anyone that's looking and just wants to have some fun at first, let 'em know. There's a lot of things I want to try with friends. Like a group game night at the miniature golf course. No youma allowed." A small smirk at that. <br><br>"Ice cream night sounds good. A night with friends sounds good. I've been all up inside my head, and it will be good to work those juices that came up with prom and stuff." There's a small smile. "Thanka, Mamoru. I appreciate it.' he admits with a small smile. <br><br>And with that, he too is digging back into the chicken as well.<br> <br>
}}