View source for 2398/Tuxedo la Smoking Breakup

{{Log Header
|Date of Scene=2025/03/08
|Location=A Cemetery 1.5 Hours Away
|Synopsis=Mamoru takes Tamaki to his parents' grave to dump him because if that is how you dress to fight crime, there is nothing about you that is not Extra.
|Cast of Characters=38,96
|pretty=yes
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{{Poses
|Poses=:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>Walking back and forth in front of Tamaki's apartment door, chewing on his thumbnail and other arm crossed over his stomach, a very anxious young prince keeps starting back toward the door of his own apartment before remembering he's actually pretty livid, every time he thinks about Tamaki's family on top of everything else.<br><br>After like five whole minutes, he knocks on Tama's door. He's in motorcycle leathers. "We're going for a ride," he says when Jadeite opens the door. "Don't forget your wallet."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:96|Jadeite (96)}} has posed:'''<br>"Oh! One moment!" <br><br> He's been waiting for the shoe to drop. He knows he said the wrong thing. He's not sure exactly what he said that was wrong, but it was definitely wrong. Mamoru's had a smile that hasn't reached his eyes all day, and his intuition has been scratching like a penned dog. <br><br> So either he has been forgiven and all is well, or he is going to be destroyed and all will be well once Mamoru finishes him. Either way, digging in his heels is a bad idea. <br><br> "I've got it," and he's pulling on a leather jacket and grabbing his helmet - safety first, after all!<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>The bike is a Honda Rebel 300 with a removable passenger seat on the back. Mamoru's very quiet, but he's frequently very quiet-- it's just that this time it's a tense quiet.<br><br>The ride between the basement ramp of the building and the highway isn't as awkward a quiet as that of the trip to the bike itself. Like, especially the part on the elevator.<br><br>Then they're finally on the highway, with the city's traffic behind them, and it takes them about an hour and a half all together. It would have been much faster by train. But train would have required talking, and Tamaki can tell for the whole ride that Mamoru is tense.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:96|Jadeite (96)}} has posed:'''<br>It's a quiet ride. Tamaki doesn't attempt small talk. He watches the landscape fly by and keeps a steady grip on Mamoru. THe only control he has here is to hang on or let go, and he doesn't intend to put himself at the mercies of traffic. He hangs on and watches Tokyo's cityscape shrink into the distance, and wonders where they are going.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>The question is eventually answered by the two of them pulling up in front of a suburban cemetery. Mamoru stops the bike and takes his helmet off, then waits for Tamaki to get off the back before opening the seat and taking out two sticks of incense, a bottle of water, and two roses. He walks the bike out of the way and takes his helmet in his other hand, and then he goes through the wrought-iron gates, expecting Tamaki to follow.<br><br>It's a pretty old cemetery. Also quite old is the really big CHIBA stone all the way back in moss-and-lichen land. The family headstone is at least clean of moss and lichen, and there are already two roses held in the flower holder. They're pristine.<br><br>He swaps the roses out for the new ones, and then throws the old ones at the ground stem first, with possibly wildly emphatic force, and they stick, because of course they stick. Of course he brings his own roses. Because--<br><br>"Tamaki, these are my parents, Chiyoko and Hinata." He gestures to the stone, to the Buddhist names on wooden planks stuck next to the headstone. There are a lot of names on those planks. "As well as the rest of my family. I don't actually remember any of them. On my sixth birthday, my parents died in a car crash that also took my memory. There's no one to even tell me what they were like. My whole family is dead and I don't remember them."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:96|Jadeite (96)}} has posed:'''<br>Tamaki looks at the graves. He looks at Mamoru. He looks at the graves again. His face slowly shutters, his back straightening into something stiff and formal. <br><br> "If you're going to chew me out for not reporting the locations of all my currently living relatives, you could have at least told me to bring offerings so I don't look like a complete ass in front of your parents."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>Mamoru looks at Tamaki like he's grown another head, and slowly holds out one of the incense sticks. "If you're worried about looking like a complete ass in front of my parents, go exist over there."<br><br>He points to the back of the headstone.<br><br>"And then you can tell me why you think I'm mad. Because I am truly angry, Tamaki. I'm not yelling. If you want to yell, let's light the incense first, and then we can go over by the gates and you can yell at me over ''breaking up with you.'' You have a shot at a ride home."<br><br>His expression's flat, but the color is high in his cheeks and his eyes are too-bright and ''furious.''<br><br>"Tell me why I'm mad about you not telling me about your family."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:96|Jadeite (96)}} has posed:'''<br>Tamaki closes his eyes and breathes in, breathes out, at the twin spikes of irritation and fear inside him. He's not goign to react to this. <br><br> ....Somehow, the remark about the ride home stings more than being dumped. <br><br> "You're angry with me because you've lost everyone in the world, and all your family and connections, and meanwhile I had living family I could have gone to visit and cherished and instead neglected them. Is that it?" <br><br> His words are quiet as he takes the incense,lights it, and makes the offering.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>Mamoru closes his eyes. "Close," he says, "it does have to do with it. But no. It's because you ''didn't think to tell me''. You didn't think to tell ''me'', not just as your prince, but as your ''orphan boyfriend''. You know, Izou has a shitty family. I'm not making him deal with them. But your prince knows, finally, that there's someone else to protect, and I, Mamoru Chiba, am hurt. I'm also really suspicious because you said you THINK they don't LIKE you. I want to know if they're worth protecting. I want to meet them. I want to fix what's wrong between you if I can -- because I stole two years of your lives, all of you."<br><br>He takes a deep breath. "I fucked up, and then I fucked up again, and man there are a lot of reasons we have to break up and I can get into them-- but buddy. We also can't date because ''you need to tell me shit.'' Even if you don't think it's important."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:96|Jadeite (96)}} has posed:'''<br>Breathe in. Breathe out. Tamaki pinches his the bridge of his nose and tries not to snap. <br><br> "They're not, like, evil people. They just spent the two months I was here visiting looking at me like an alien whenever I opened my mouth or ignoring me. There's nothing wrong with them. We just didn't get along before, and I didn't want to go up there, spend three hours badly lying about how I went missing, and then come back on the last train back down. My parents said they're satisfied just knowing I"m back, and I"m believing them when they tell me that." <br><br> He's glad Mamoru isn't touching him. All he can think about is printing out a family geneology and putting it on the kitchen table. Which is not the point here. The point is about telling him things. "Look. I don't want to untangle shit when we might have the Black Moon Clan gunning for them. When we're done dealing with their bullshit, I can see if anyone wants to visit."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>"Okay," says Mamoru, letting out a ragged breath and half turning to face his family's stone, not turning his back to Tamaki, just not looking at him for a second. "Yeah."<br><br>He's quiet, the breeze rustling the tall cedars, the sun dappled on the mossy headstones. His hands close into fists and his jaw works for a second. "You know, sometimes..." he starts, and then he shakes his head. "Do you want me to try and explain all the reasons now? Or write you a letter you can read and then cathartically burn or something."<br><br>He faces Tamaki again, and his eyes are getting redder, and shining too much, and he says, "I made a mistake. I asked you out when I can't even ''read'' you. I keep trying but all you ever let me see is what you put in front. Your mask. I-- I want you to talk to Kazuo, and Zoi, and Neph, and figure out where the rest of yourself is. Or if you have to build new ''because'' I stole two really important developmental years of your life. The only reason I'm in one piece is because what Mamoru is missing, Endymion can fill in. But I don't even know if you remember being Jadeite before Beryl started whispering poison in your ear and dripping dark energy into your bloodstream, back then."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:96|Jadeite (96)}} has posed:'''<br>"I really wish you weren't doing this in front of your parents' grave after we drove for nearly two hours, Mamoru, because all I want to do is shout at you and eat ice cream and that'd be really tacky to do here," Tamaki whispers. He is whispering so he doesn't shout. "Make me a list. Hell, make me multiple lists. Tell me what I'm doing WRONG, because it feels like I keep fucking up and you look at me like I grew a second head and I don't know what I DID. It's bad enough my family did it, I don't need you and the others doing it too...!" He winces s his voice spikes. "Sorry. <br><br> "And I don't know if this is worth anything now, but it's not a mask. I really am that happy around you."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>Mamoru thinks about this. "We could drive to the beach, it's five minutes in the opposite direction from the train. And we can yell there. We won't solve anything but yelling ''does'' hike up the endorphins."<br><br>Then he looks unhappily at Tamaki again. "But it's not just the happy. You're still-- you're still trying to please me, you're still always trying to guess at what I want. I can't ''read you'', Tamachan. I'm not talking about the happiness. Happiness is great, but we don't have to be dating for you to be near me. I want you to stay. I just think we need to figure out Tamaki before we even look at Tamaki and Mamoru, and you know, I'm not sure Tamaki and Mamoru as a romance was ever really there. I love you so much, Tamachan. And I want you to stay but I can't carry you."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:96|Jadeite (96)}} has posed:'''<br>"...why wouldn't I try and please you?" Tamaki asks. "Isn't that how it works? You're my friend, and I want you to be happy, and I'd still want you to be happy if we - shit, now that we aren't dating, and I'd want you to be happy even if you were just my boss. What else am I supposed to do?" <br><br> The question - and the misery - are both real and writ large on his face.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>There's no staring like there's a second head this time, there's Mamoru bringing his arms up to grasp his hair, dropping his helmet to the ground where it falls with a soft thud, and squinching his face up. "Tamaki!" he says with a lot of pent-up emotion. "That's not even how friendship works! You can't be the only thing making me happy. You can't make all your choices of what to do ''making me happy''! Half the time you're not even understanding what makes me happy! And I am not happy as long as you define yourself by how well you please others. And! I think! That half the things you come up with to make me happy, that I end up getting mad about, is because you have a fake made-up imaginary ideal-for-you version of me in your head that that stuff would please, and that Mamoru probably even PATS YOU ON THE HEAD!!" It's not even angry yelling, right this minute, it's ''exasperated'' yelling."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:96|Jadeite (96)}} has posed:'''<br>"I know I'm not the only thing making you happy," Tamaki hisses. "But I don't know what else to do! I tried living for myself in Obsidian and I screwed it up! I don't want to push too hard if that means I go off the rails again - or stasrt rottting in my room again! I don't know how else to do this! I'm supposed to help people! Give me a list of how to act because I don't know how to be anything else??" <br><br> ...He does think about Mamoru patting him on the head but you could not waterboard that out of him after this.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>Mamoru flings his arms out, taking a step back away from Tamaki, and then another, bigger one, as he drops his weight into a turn on one heel, reeling away-- then stopping, faced away from Tamaki. He laughs and it's not funny, it's not funny at all, and there's an edge of desperate frustration in his voice that he's trying to keep from being anger, still. "Are you SERIOUS," he demands of the tall cedars, looking up and up to them before he turns again, his hair a wild mess from all the gripping.<br><br>"''Tamaki.'' '''''Jadeite.''''' I cannot teach you how to people. I am also a seventeen year old mess. I am sending you to Rashmi-chan and Kazuo, independently, for remedial peopleing lessons. I am recommending ''actual therapy'' because if I can cope with going to therapy to do something about all this fucking PTSD then you can cope with going to therapy for needing to make LISTS of INSTRUCTIONS for '''''acting like a member of society'''''."<br><br>The wildly fluffy haired boy flings his arms out again, and this time he actually yells, skyward, "I'm dumping you because I can't be your prince, your ideal, your boyfriend, your main source of approval and validation, your therapist, your ... gods only know what else you've hung on me! I can't be all that!"<br><br>Tamaki can see people behind Mamoru, leaving, shooting them dirty looks. Mamoru cannot see them. He's still looking at his blond Knight. "But I can be your prince and your bestie and that's all I have the spoons for." He exhales, then steps back over to his family grave and scoops up his motorcycle helmet. "Do you want an awkward and uncomfortable ride back or are you gonna use the wallet I told you to bring for train fare? I can't teleport this far."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:96|Jadeite (96)}} has posed:'''<br>After a moment to take it all in. R<br>% Tamaki bursts into tears. <br><br> ?I?ve been trying! I don?t know what else to do! I?ve been trying to be independent and not hang on you and I still can?t get it right!!? r<br>% what?s wrong with him? Why can?t he ever do it correctly! It was so easy when he was a kid, when he just had to smile and be quiet and good and achieve, but not w people want so many things!! How is he supposed to be them if he?s not told!! <br><br> Tamaki slaps one hand over his eyes as the other pulls his phone out. <br><br> Tamaki txt: If you can give me a few minutes, I?d like that ride. It would reassure me we?re still friends and I don?t think I can handle navigating the trains in a new area like this. <br> Tamaki txt: I can talk to Kazuo tomorrow. And if you have recommendations for where to look for therapy, I?d appreciate it.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>Tamaki bursts into tears, and Mamoru feels exactly like the heel he knew he was going to feel like. He looks at the ground between the two of them, and when Tama texts, he takes his phone out and reads it. And he nods.<br><br>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Mamoru TXT: ok fluffhead. &lt;3<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Mamoru TXT: i have kleenex<br><br>And then a warm hand full of steadiness and the home of the golden hour is closing on Tamaki's wrist, gently, and Mamoru's pressing a packet of tissues into his guardian's hand. "Before you put your helmet on," he says. "And-- I can't tell you what to do. That's what the therapy is for. I'll give you the contact info when we get home, my therapist is all about letting me use hypotheticals."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:96|Jadeite (96)}} has posed:'''<br>Tamaki TXT: Id appreciate a tissue yeah <br><br> And he takes the packet of tissues, pulls half of them out, and dabs at his eyes like one might use a bag of potatoes to try and block a tsunami. <br><br> He's still crying hard, cannot force his voice out, so he goes to his phone once again. <br><br> Tamaki TXT: I don't want to screw up our friendship again <br> Tamaki TXT: I'll call around for therapy stuff tomorrow, ok? I gotta wallow tonight. <br> Tamaki TXT: I realize I've probablymessed up more than I realized if we're having this talk, but I really was trying my best. Even if it was shit.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>Mamoru reads, and reads. He's quiet, and then he says out loud, to each thing when Tamaki's finished typing: "The only way our friendship was ever screwed up was when Beryl had her claws in your minds, the first time around, and I choose to blame all of us for that for different reasons."<br><br>And then, "Wallowing is completely fair."<br><br>And then, Mamoru's suddenly HUGGING TAMAKI, hugging him so tight, phone mashed awkwardly between them. And his voice wavers a little as he starts getting um a bit congested himself, and he says, "It wasn't you fucking up. It was that there's something hurting in you that I can't fix, and it's going to drive us both nuts if we continue to date. I think--"<br><br>Mamoru sniffs, then pulls back, and his eyes are a little red-rimmed, but there are no tears. "I think we should just refuse to use the 'ex-' nomenclature. We're not ex-anythings. We're besties and I'm your prince. We love each other. That won't change ever unless you decide I'm ... wait it's a tarot card ... ''the devil'' that's an American thing right? Anyway, I lost the thread. You should play absurd videogames on the huge mirror TV, by the way, it's probably unhealthily immersive."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:96|Jadeite (96)}} has posed:'''<br>And Tamaki is hugging him back. And where their skin touches, if it touches, shines his love - his desire to be useful, to be wanted, - his desire to be at Mamoru's side and be freinds with him, friends with everyone - he wants so badly to be loved and to love in return. <br><br> Tamaki TXT: Bestie works for me. You're still my prince. <br> Tamaki TXT: You wouldn't be my devil unless you made me take the train covered in snot ?? <br> Tamaki TXT: I'll ask for game recs when we get home?<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:38|Mamoru Chiba (38)}} has posed:'''<br>"Haha, ask Usagi, she's the Flinch streamer. I just play a couple of games," says Mamoru, and then he tilts his head toward the cemetery gates before pulling the two old roses out of the ground and laying them across the bottom of the marker.<br><br>The smell of the incense and the cedars intermingled drifts in a trail behind them as they leave.<br> <br>
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