View source for Tell me that I'm perfect (Hinoiri Kirara)

{{Cutscene Header
|Date of Scene=2024/01/06
|Location=Dusk zone
|Synopsis=After blowing up her dorm room, Sunbreaker... is not handling Double Trouble's little therapy session well. At all.
|Cast of Characters=131
}}
To say Sunbreaker was handling her face to face with Sora well would be like saying the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs was just a bit of a pebble. What was she going to do? How was she going to do it? She’d broken things. Destroyed things. DAMN IT! DOUBLE TROUBLE! That reptile had BURNED her in a way she couldn’t… she just…

Shaking hands reached for her mp3 player. Sayaka had given it to her. She needed something. She needed music. She needed… she needed sounds. She needed something. She needed out. She couldn’t go back. Couldn’t go forward. She couldn’t handle this. She needed help but there was nobody who could help her.

She wasn’t worthy of help. She was an experiment. A toy. That wasn’t Sora. It couldn’t. She cared. She cared. She had to care. If she didn’t care…

And she could see her. Was it madness? Sora wasn’t here. Not in the dusk zone. She was perfect. Pure. Unlike Hinoiri. Not like her. She was the failure. Replaceable. “LEAVE ME ALONE!” Sunbreaker screamed, erupting into a conflagration of flame.

She awkwardly thumbed through the songs. Tapping. Tapping. Finally…

Perfect. My Miracle of Sound. She turned it up so loud it hurt her ears. Please, please let it drown out the voice in her head. Failure. Disappointment. Never cared about her. Just an experiment. She sang along with it. Desperate. Helpless.

Trapped.

Please, somebody help. Don’t help. Please help. Don’t help. No. She had to do it alone. She always had to do it alone. “GO AWAY!” she screamed at the images of Sora. Why Double Trouble? Why? How was this love?


“Talking with you while I'm all by myself.

Voices stay silent to everyone else.”

Slowly, the music began to wash over her and she closed her eyes, kneeling on the ground and slowly rocking back and forth. Perfect. Perfect.


“You were my hero

And you were my home.

Till you left me so hurt and afraid, all alone.”


However, once again she was swept up in the magic of her home. And she wasn’t singing along with the music. Now she was leading it.


“And maybe I'm a monster!

But I am what you made!”


She looked up at the disappointed face of Sora, screaming the words in a fierce, angry vengeance.


“Those memories that hurt me!

Will fly apart and fade!

And maybe I'm a monster

But I don't give a damn!”


And there is where the song shifted, as her magic took hold and she was wrapped in it. The Soras coming closer. Jeering her. Mocking her. Telling her she wasn’t enough.


“Because I can’t be perfect...

Perfect...

Just the way I am...”


Sunbreaker let out a loud, sobbing wail, laying her head forward, rocking. It hurt. It all hurt. Why did it have to hurt so incredibly much?


“I don't wanna feel

Tell me was it worth it?

'Cause you don't give a damn

I don't wanna feel

Please tell me that I'm perfect

Just the way I am...”


But that was never what Sora would say. It didn’t matter how many times she won. It didn’t matter how hard she tried. It didn’t matter how much she shattered expectations.

She’d never be enough.

She could never be enough. Ever.


“So many changes...

Tear me apart...

Student to stranger...

You stomped on my heart…”


The tears flooded down her face and she welcomed something, anything, to kill the pain. Wished the dark energy could just flood inside her. Just tear her apart. SHE DIDN’T CARE ANYMORE! Sora never did, so why should she?!


“You used to chase all the terrors away!

But they live in my mind now!

And they're eager to prey!”


Fire erupted off her, exploding in all directions. Scorching the ground and eliminating any youma that came too close.


“And maybe I'm a monster

But I am what you made

I'm pulling out the rules

And I'm about to detonate!

And maybe I'm a monster!

But you never gave a damn!

Because I can’t be perfect

Perfect...

Just the way I am...”


Sunbreaker slowly got to her feet and just… ran. She ran. And she ran. Where could she run? Why was that always her options? Fight or run? But she couldn’t run from this. She couldn’t fight this. She was so scared. She was so angry.


“I don't wanna feel

Tell me was it worth it?

'Cause you don't give a damn

I don't wanna feel

Please tell me that I'm perfect

Just the way I am!”


But no. She’d never be that. Sora would never see her. She couldn’t…


“Oh, you're perfect...

Don't cry...

Don't change…”


That wasn’t her voice. The song? No. Delusions. More delusions.

Sayaka. Klarissa. Double Trouble. The deranged ones who, for some reason… liked her. Meh. Heh. As if they ever could. Sayaka and Klarissa were so much more broken than even she was. And Double Trouble… Double Trouble was the worst of them all. She’d just burned them both. To ash. None of them loved her. They wanted to make her abandon everything she’d worked for. Everything she wanted. Everything she needed.

They wanted her to give up her home…

… But did she ever even have a home?


“And I trusted you

And I'm still trying to...

But my heart is still exploding

Corroding into shame...”


Stuck between an uncaring Sovereign and the broken people who, for some reason, wanted her.


“Oh, you're perfect...

Don't cry...

Don't change...”


She didn’t want to hear it from them, though. Not from them. She didn’t love them. She loved Sora. She wanted Sora to see her. Just. Once. Please. Please. Please. Please. She threw fire once more, incinerating the images of the three. As the Sora’s came ever closer. Screaming at them all the while.


“I don't wanna feel

Tell me was it worth it?

'Cause you don't give a damn

I don't wanna feel

Please tell me that I'm perfect

Just the way I am!”


She’d be perfect.

She would be perfect.

She would get everything she wanted. Everything she desired. Even if she had to destroy herself to do it. More cracks formed. She didn’t care. She’d return home… That was the only path for her now.