818/You Deserve Better

You Deserve Better
Date of Scene:	28 November 2023
Location:	Mitakihara Ward
Synopsis:	Madoka tracks down Sayaka after learning the truth behind souls and Soul Gems. They have a long talk about Sayaka's self worth, and a few comments about Gretchen's nature.
Cast of Characters:	Sayaka Miki, Madoka Kaname

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Sayaka Miki has posed:
Sayaka is out on the streets of Mitakihara, patrolling the districts as always. Holding the Soul Gem on her open palm, the bluenette is walking around without a specific destination, wandering about while paying attention only to trace of magical energy she might notice.

As always, Ula is following alongside her, keeping a nervous eye on the focused bluenette as she walks. She is still shutting herself off from others, the talk with Hinoiri and Daifuku only achieving minuscule results for now.

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    A chilly wind blows across the rooftop where Madoka stands, looking down over the city with her arms crossed. Hovering over her shoulder is Lydian, her new Chara, leaning back as if she's lounging on an invisible couch in the air. The tiny ponytailed minidoka yawns, and then gives her Bearer a side-eyed look. "I thought you said you were going to take it easy."

    "I am," says Madoka, "but that doesn't mean I'm not going to at least look, and I'm not going to ignore an obvious problem either."

    Lydian hovers upright, leaning over Madoka and tapping her own chin. "I mean, even if you found something, you could still ask someone else to deal with it."

    The pink-haired Bearer shakes her head. "Of course we could, but I'm not just looking for youma. I need to talk to Sayaka-chan."

    Hearing that, Lydian turns to start looking over the landscape. Eventually her magic senses pick up on the bluenette's glowing Soul Gem. "She's right there!" declares the art Chara.

    A Chara Change and a few super jumps later, Madoka lands close to where Sayaka is walking. With a bright yet cautious smile, the Chara Bearer walks up to Sayaka with her hands behind her back. "Hey, Sayaka-chan! Um... can we talk for a bit? If you're busy patrolling, we could walk together."

    Noticing Ula, Madoka smiles and waves at the little mermaid. Lydian does, too.

Sayaka Miki has posed:
Among the two, Ula is definitely the one more jovial, greeting Madoka and her new Chara with relief in her voice at the sight of Madoka.

"Hello, Madoka-chan, I am so glad to see you", the koi mermaid smiles at her before turning to Lydian. "Hello, I am Ula, a mermaid from the depths of the sea. You are new, right? I only remember Brai and Medo", she says looking around in search of them. "Where would they be, by the way?"

The bluenette looks at her best friend with a forced smile when she hears her own name, but her posture has another tale to tell, rigid and closed at the mention of a talk. "Hi, Madoka-chan, you can come along." She doesn't exactly have a way to refuse her without alarming her.

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Lydian is all smiles and friendliness with Ula up until Brai and Medo are mentioned. Then the Chara gives Ula a thousand yard stare and says, "There.. um... fine, I'm sure. They're just... resting, for now." Trying to avoid that topic, the tiny minidoka says, "Um... but my name's Lydian! I'm a Chara based upon Madoka's desire for self expression! I hatched only recently."

    Madoka's smile gets a little sad for a moment as she thinks about her other two Chara, but she focuses more on Ula for the moment. "It's good to see you again. Have you been getting along okay?"

    The pinkette's attention goes to Sayaka, and it's not hard for her to read that something is off about her friend. Madoka dodged a bullet by not making a contract with Kyubey, but Sayaka... didn't. She catches up to and walks side-by-side with Sayaka, going along wherever her friend goes.

    After a moment, Madoka clears her throat. "Um.. so... how have you been? We haven't really had a chance to talk since... the hospital."

Sayaka Miki has posed:
Even without the thousand-yard stare, the esitation and the general "they are sleeping" would be enough to trigger an alarm bell in both Ula and Sayaka, which actually is enough to make the two share a concerned glance.

For her part, Ula prompts a hug, ready to back down if she spots signs of refusal, while also saying "I am sure they will be fine, Lydian. I am sorry you had to appear in these circumstances."

Sayaka, on the other hand, frowns. "How long have they been unresponsive? Is there anything we can do to help them?" she asks Madoka.

When asked about her own wellbeing, she passes it off with a wave. "I am fine, just getting adjusted to this new reality I am in."

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Madoka winces. It's going to be hard telling the truth here, because Sayaka really isn't going to like it. It's also not really what she came to talk about today, but... there's also not much reason to lie about it. Not to Sayaka and Ula.

    "Since I henshined with Gretchen," explains Madoka. "They went silent then and never woke up. I still have their eggs, and I can tell they're still in them, but..."

    Lydian decides to pick up where Madoka trails off, "Madoka pushed herself too hard by doing that, and her Chara went to sleep as a result. They'll be back some day, as long as Madoka holds onto her dreams, but I think it's going to be a while. The only thing that can be done is for our Bearer to recover. It's her Heart that we depend on."

    Madoka gives Sayaka a concerned look. She can say what she wants, but Madoka isn't sure she believes that. The pinkette hesitates. What should she say here? Is there something that can make things better? She can't know what to do without more fully understanding the problem, so instead she prods a little bit.

    "It's... pretty scary what happened, and we found out at a pretty bad time. I'm honestly not sure how I'd feel about it, if it were me, but I think I'd be pretty upset if it happened without my knowledge."

Sayaka Miki has posed:
Ula undoes the hug if it was accepted or otherwise just flies back a bit. "Well, they will be alright then? We just have to confide in Madoka. Rather, is there something we can do help Madoka recover quicker?" She paces back and forth in the air, winded up. "Maybe a whole afternoon of joy and fun?"

Sayaka is frustrated and disappointed when she hears what happened. "See, Madoka, this is why it was better for you not to do it. Now, what does it mean that you have to hold onto your dreams? Have you forgotten something important due to it?" The glare and chastising tone Madoka gets from the bluenette are full of worry.

"Yes, it was scary", Sayaka starts venting. "It was horrible seeing Lulu collapse like that in front of us, her body dead without its Soul Gem. Kyubey tricked us well, now we are all rocks piloting a dead body!"

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Lydian gladly accepts hugs from tiny Mermaids (even if the player glazed over and didn't see it the first time). Madoka probably hesitates before hugging Ula but only because she doesn't want to squeeze too hard or hold her awkwardly because of the size difference.

    Madoka listens to Sayaka's frustrations and nods. "It's true that, if I had to redo it, I wouldn't go to that extreme. Even Gretchen got hurt by it. I guess there's a reason why she wont lend her power to me." As to the rest of it, Madoka shakes her head. "Brai and Medo were both born from dreams. Brai from a desire to be like the magical girls who impressed me, and Medo from a desire to help and heal others. I don't think a single afternoon is going to bring them back, but I do think I need to stop training as hard as I have been."

    There's something else that Sayaka says that makes Madoka scratch her chin. "Have I forgotten something? Well... if I did, I forgot that I forgot it."

    When Sayaka starts venting Madoka looks to her with concern, but the last line makes her go pale. That's... a pretty hard way to take it. No, it's very literally what happened. Which means that Madoka can't easily mollify or deny this.

    "Well... it's still your soul. It's still you. You're still a very kind and sweet person who looks out for others, no matter what's changed about you."

Sayaka Miki has posed:
Ula is a bit dejected that there isn't an actual solution to this problem, but nothing can be done. "Well, we only need to wait, next time they wake up, we can throw them a welcome back party", the koi mermaid says, trying to inject optimism.

"Is she asleep too?" Sayaka asks about Gretchen. She can't say she is too displeased about it. The X-Chara has only worsened things for Madoka. She is only going to gain something from her absence. More specifically no more of that dreadful henshin for her.

"That makes sense", Sayaka ponders, giving her a scrutinising look. As much as it makes sense, it's only going to be more problematic. "But if you start getting a feeling something is amiss, you should tell me as soon as you can." The faster Sayaka can act, the better.

"Madoka, please, do I have to spell it out for you too?" Sayaka asks with clear annoyance, showing her the Soul Gem. "This is me. I am not the girl you are looking at, I am just a rock playing at being alive, a life I have no right no. I should just focus on what I am good at, and ignore the things I don't have a right to anymore", she finishes, scowling.

"We have been trying to get her out of this mindset", Ula intervenes, her voice full of regret, but we have to basically drag her to anything she finds fun, again and again. She enjoys herself, but next time we have to drag her again and again."

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    "Gretchen... fell asleep along with the other two, but she woke up the other day," explains Madoka. "She didn't look well, and I think she's avoiding me for now. I don't think I should really use her again until I can figure out a way to purify her."

    Which, of course, does leave Hope Witch off the table. There are a lot of odd questions that Madoka could ask about that henshin, but for some reason she can't formulate the thoughts. How Gretchen could even have powers like that is just one of her weird mysteries. The pinkette shakes her head and says, "I'm not too worried about myself right now. I think that form gave me a bit of information overload, but I'm fine."

    Madoka tilts her head at Sayaka's annoyed response. She looks down at the Soul Gem, and then back up at Sayaka's eyes. "Even if your soul is in a precious stone, it's still you inside of it. The body I'm looking at doesn't belong to anyone but yourself, and you have a right to your life no matter what."

    Lydian asides to Ula. "Oh geeze. She's really taking it this bad, huh? I mean... a distraction wouldn't really fix the underlying issue, would it?"

    Madoka isn't sure what to feel about this, because it's not like she can really... identify with Sayaka's problem. She knows that she was a Puella in other timelines, but Gretchen didn't really share her the darker sides of that.

    Madoka steps forward, "What about this makes you think you don't have the right to live your life? You didn't do anything wrong."

Sayaka Miki has posed:
Sayaka isn't too happy about hearing Gretchen has woken up. She truly has the devil's luck. But at least she is avoiding her, and Madoka is refraining from wanting to transform with her (even if she doesn't think the pinkette is doing it for the right reasons).

Sayaka looks at Lydian when Madoka mentions she is not too worried about herself. "Can I trust you to try and tell me in case she is about to do something with Gretchen again? If Sunbreaker is nearby too. She can infuse people with dark energy, and Madoka needs to stay as far away from it as possible." Besides dark energy being harmful on its own, she is not excluding the possibility that would cause something similar to Hope Witch.

"Madoka-chan, the body you are looking at is dead. Take me away, and it's going to collapse like a puppet with its strings cut. I don't have any right to expose people to me. It doesn't matter that I didn't do anything wrong. This body is dead, and filthy, while rocks have no right to enjoy themselves." She looks to the side with a dejected scowl.

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Lydian blinks at Sayaka. The Chara wasn't there to notice her efforts to stop Madoka's henshin with Gretchen. Nor has she seen how Madoka reacts to dark energy. Then again, considering what the pinkette is going through, there's every reason to be concerned. "I don't know if I'll be able to warn you in time to do anything. It only takes a second to use a Chara's power. If you're around, I can say something?"

    Madoka shakes her head. "It's not a matter of will I or wont I. Gretchen would refuse me. She's not holding back out of some ill will. She said from the start that her power was too dangerous for me, and now she's made her point. I know it's hard to trust her, but I don't actually think she has bad intentions."

    The rest of what Sayaka says is also distressing. The Chara Bearer shakes her head emphatically. "You're not filthy! You're a strong and noble person who fights hard to keep people safe, and I don't think any less of you for being a pretty stone." There's no real denying that Sayaka's body would be nothing without her Soul Gem, but Madoka couldn't possibly think of her best friend as anything less than precious. "Besides... even if my own soul got separated from my body, I'm sure it'd go limp too. Is it really that different than having your Heart Crystal stolen?"

Sayaka Miki has posed:
What Lydian is suggesting isn't really what Sayaka would have hoped for, but that's all she can ask of her. "That will have to be enough, I hope I can actually be there on time. Thanks, Lydian." She has to take care, and be constantly vigilant even with everything else. That's not a tall order, she can do it.

"I..." Sayaka starts saying before starting to realise she has to concede something Gretchen was doing was right. "Yes, she was trying to keep you away from it, and I recognise she was trying to help there, but she gave you her powers even before the incident with the pachyderm, and with the only motivation the fact she was being petty about it." Even now, she refuses to give in all the way about Gretchen.

Being called a pretty stone is a very weird feeling to Sayaka, even if she supposes Madoka isn't wrong. And it is what Sayaka has been saying all along, no? No, she thinks to herself, there is a difference between the dispregiative way she has been using to refer to herself. "Geez, you calling me a pretty stone feels all weird..." the bluenette tells Madoka. "Though, there is still a difference. If somebody extracts your soul, it's some unnatural magic that's being done to you. In my case, people just have to carry me away the same way they would a pencil."

The mention of the Heart Crystal makes her silent, her free hand instinctively going to her chest, remembering the feeling when it got extracted. Then she starts giggling, tears starting to form in her eyes and after a while, she breaks into a fully tearful and noisy laugh. "It is different, of course of it is, I actually remember. Unlike this, what I felt back then was painful both while it was extracted and after it was given back. This isn't hurting at all, despite it being the same thing. That makes no sense."

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Madoka shakes her head. "I mean... Gretchen is a tiny corrupted Chara. It's true that she misbehaves sometimes, but that's different than being a bad person," she says. In her mind, Gretchen is like a depressed, troubled child. In need of help and care more than anything. "She's also saved my life once before, even if that still hurt. I'm sure she'd be a lot different if she got purified."

    The fact that Sayaka feels 'weird' after being called pretty makes Madoka smile slightly. It's kindof a funny thing to be weirded out by. "I mean, your soul is in a piece of jewelry now. Why would it be anything but pretty?" This is... admittedly a weird positive to try and spin this into, but it's the best Madoka can do while also being honest.

    The smile does go back to a frown though. "Well, it's true that what Kyubey did is really unfair, and you didn't deserve to have your soul ripped out like that. Maybe there's a way to fix what happened? If you really hate it, maybe there's a way to put your soul back into your body."

Sayaka Miki has posed:
"What does it mean that it doesn't hurt?" Sayaka asks her best friend. It seems like that thought is leaving her very confused. "When I lost my soul after La Crima extracted it, it was horrible, and my soul has been extracted here too, but things are so different." The confusion and displeasure over it is quite clear on her face. "I just don't get it. I don't get it, ok!"

When did this turn into a 'praise Gretchen' party all of a sudden? Though Sayaka can't actually confute what Madoka is saying about her. "Yes, I get it", she accepts unwillingly. "I am sorry for saying those things about her, and I will make sure to actually apologise to her." The X-Chara doesn't actually deserve some of the critiques that she gave her.

"Ok, ok, Madoka-chan, you made your point", Sayaka exclaims, not really sure about how to feel regarding that angle yet. It's too odd. "It is quite pretty, so?" The words come out reluctantly out of her mouth as her eyes look at Madoka grumpily.

"I don't know if that's at all possible", Sayaka shakes her head. "How do we know what's going to happen to me if I get extracted? Maybe it can't actually be put back into my body, and the Soul Gem won't accept it back either." The thought makes her actually feel fear.

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Madoka glances off to the side. She didn't really want to make this all about Gretchen. The X-Chara isn't really perfect either. Maybe she should just drop that line of conversation. It's hard for Madoka to really know what Gretchen does without her around, also.

    "Honestly, if one time hurt and the other didn't, it probably just means that Kyubey is better at it than whatever weird experiment Obsidian is running on people. I don't really know what to say about it other than that..." Madoka isn't sure that there is a positive spin on that one. She's not going to pretend that Sayaka isn't a victim here or try to convince her that she hasn't been wronged.

    Seeing Sayaka concede at a point regarding her self worth feels almost like a victory, though it might be a pointless one. Madoka shakes her head and says, "I don't know, but maybe we can look for one. There are other things that can grant miracles. If it's really important to you, maybe we can find a way. Though... I mean..." The pinkette fidgets for a moment, "You'd probably be vulnerable again, and not nearly as durable as other Puella Magi. Also, if the transfer process failed..."

    Madoka thinks about that for a moment. A failed soul transferrence would probably be death, but maybe she shouldn't say that to Sayaka right now. "...W-well that just means we better know what we're doing before we try something like that!" Really, really know what they're doing.

    She really hopes she didn't just give Sayaka false hope, but Madoka does believe it's possible. Probably. It has to be, right?

Sayaka Miki has posed:
> You won't be as durable as other Puella Magi

If there is one thing that could scare Sayaka, this is it. The evil of comparison, the fear of not being good enough, the desire to actually be able to help, the inability to withstand suffering, the wish to see everyone happy... It all comes crashing down on her now.

"Would I at least be as durable as you?" Sayaka asks, worry gripping her at the thought of receiving a negative answer. She wants to help, she needs to be able to help. There are so many that spend their lives victims of injustices. This is her purpose. She accepted the contract because she wanted to do what's right.

"There is no way out of this, Madoka-chan. I need these powers, it's the only way I can actually help. Chrono-senpai said it too. You have much more potential than me. You didn't need Kyubey to extract your soul to be able to use magic. This on the other hand is my only method of contribution", Sayaka says, even more resigned now.

Ula comes in, approaching Sayaka's shoulder, already seeing where this is going. She rests against it, hoping her own warmth and closeness can provide comfort to Sayaka. In response Sayaka gives her a wet smile and lightly caresses her head.

"I am afraid of the soul transfer failing", Sayaka admits. "But I am not refusing that method due to it. I wanted this power so I'd have the strength to do what's right and protect the ones I love. That includes you and Kyousuke, and Ula, and Hinoiri."

"I am sorry, Madoka, I am actually a terrible friend. You are trying to console me, and I have only been contrarian, and now I am even refusing your offer to help."

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Madoka glances off to the side. How durable would Sayaka be, if her soul were still in her body? Madoka shakes her head. "There's no way to know that. We don't even know if it's possible." Then, Sayaka points out the truth. She's not much different than Madoka in that sense. Both of them were likely always meant to be magical girls, because neither of them could stand by and watch others suffer. It's also why Madoka can't stand to see Sayaka suffer, and why she starts throwing out ideas in some vain hope of figuring out a solution.

    But no... if Sayaka can't be a magical girl, if she can't at least protect other people, then Madoka's afraid she wouldn't be happy with that either. When Sayaka brings up her potential, a thought crosses her mind.

    Would a goddess be able to do something like that?

    Could she change things such that Sayaka could remain a magical girl, yet still be able to call herself human?

    It's... a sobering thought. It's not that she's unwilling to do something like that, but... with things as they are, she couldn't do that even with Gretchen. No, using the Chara who has all of that potential, especially right now, would only make things worse. It does call back to mind something that the X-Chara said a long time ago. When the people she cares about suffer, she'll wish that she had all the power in the world.

    Shaking her head, tears forming at the edge of her eyes, she stomps forward once and says, "No, Sayaka-chan. You're a great friend, and a good person. I know it's hard, but the fact that you'd put the safety of others over your own personal happiness proves to me that you're still you. You're still Sayaka-chan, no matter what form you take."

    In this moment, it's too much. Madoka is overwhelmed. She wants to comfort the bluenette, but she doesn't know how, so runs up to childhood friend and throws her arms around her. "It's... it's gonna be okay. I don't know how, but... I have to believe that. You deserve better than this!"

Sayaka Miki has posed:
Madoka's arms passes right around Sayaka, and right over Ula, so the tiny mermaid isn't squeezed in the hug, rather she is perfectly safe continuing to stay on Sayaka's shoulder.

Sayaka's on the other hand is both surprised and pushed to hug Madoka back. Because, if there is one thing she knows beyond doubt, it's Madoka is her best friend. "Thank you, Madoka-chan", the bluenette says during the embrace. "I... I am so thankful for you being here." She doesn't deserve it, but telling Madoka wouldn't accomplish anything, and even if she feels it's selfish of her, Sayaka needs it too much to let go.

After a while, however, she does let go, and says "I am supposed to be on patrol right now", but do you want to grab some takoyaki after?"

Ula detaches herself too. She doesn't comment, this is not the time.

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Lydian has been watching this the whole time, having gone silent for a while. She's a part of Madoka, so she wants to help too, but she feels just as helpless as her Bearer. Maybe for her, it also isn't the time.

    "I'm always happy to be your friend, Sayaka-chan," responds the pinkette. "I'm always on your side." Does saying that even help? Who knows? It's the truth, though.

    Madoka pulls back when Sayaka does, and then she wipes her eyes. Sayaka mentions going on patrol, and the pinkette sheepishly makes a noise like, "Eheh..." Grabbing her own upper left arm, Madoka glances off to the side. "Me too, actually. Sure, we can get takoyaki after. Maybe we can even patrol together for a bit, if it'll be safer for us."