2184/In the Glass I Saw a Strange Reflection

In the Glass I Saw a Strange Reflection
Date of Scene:	27 December 2024
Location:	The Snow Kingdom of Chanteur
Synopsis:	Amy and Mamoru, in Chanteur, have a heart to heart conversation about gender, loneliness, and understanding.
Cast of Characters:	Mamoru Chiba, Amanda Faust
Tinyplot:	Chanteur, Land of Happiness

---

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
The fairytale castle in Chanteur is beautiful, with vaulted ceilings and so much light-- and Mamoru Chiba has slipped very easily into Endymion's general ease and comfort in a setting such as this. He's wearing a long-sleeved tunic-length caftan in dark blue, light blue, and gold, and snug dark trousers, and soft leather boots that go almost up to his knees. He's still wearing glasses, though, which means he's certainly not in henshin.

He's leaning against a wall in the residential guest hallway, counting, and that's probably what gives his location away to anyone looking for something or someone. "...96, 97, 98, 99, 100! Ready or not, here I come!" he singsongs cheerfully, pushing away from the wall.

Amanda Faust has posed:
    After being shown to luxurious guest quarters and familiarizing herself with them, Amy checked what the fairies can make. No electronics, she expected but had to test; Whatever passes for toothpaste and toothbrush around here, cool water to drink, a better hairbrush than the small one in her bags, and then she tries to think of more things to test. Like a plush bunny as big as she is! Eventually she gets to clothes.

    Yes, she has an actual princess's dresses but she can try new things and new styles here and the fairies have different restrictions than her costume power.

    She figured she'd try something local, but the way the fairies keep making random things seems to imply there isn't really any local style. But then... Chanteur seems to have no inhabitants save the snow fairies, so maybe it really doesn't.

    In the end she makes sure to have a set of pajamas for tonight -- black silk with golden fasteners, with fuzzy slippers -- and, unsure what to do for 'casual' clothes, tries various things.

    Somewhere along the way she kind of started pretending she'd been isekaied to this strange world as a princess; she's read some mangas like that, so the idea comes pretty naturally.

    Anyway that's how it is that in the guest hallway, just as Mamoru is finishing counting, Amy opens the door to her room and steps out wearing a sleeveless red dress with matching slippers and past-elbow-length-gloves and white stockings. The fairies took care of her hair too -- they've had practice with an actual princess after all -- so it's completely defrizzed instead of her usual slight messiness.

    She was still sort of half-imagining this in her head as the isekaied princess exploring 'her' castle (while also taking a practical chance to learn her way around), but encountering someone else kind of breaks that spell and she blushes awkwardly, caught playing at this, and by an actual prince no less (As if he could somehow read her thoughts without touching!)

    "Oh uh, Mamoru, hi!" Amy looks around to check if there's anyone else, but presumably they are not that incompetent at hide and seek. "Uh... playing hide-and-seek with Chibiusa, I take it?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"Oh? Hi Amy-chan," Mamoru half-turns, looking curious but smiling, then smiles a little more when he sees who it is. "And Usako, yeah." It probably doesn't help that he looks like a prince right now, all children's games aside.

He holds out his elbow, eyes crinkled at the corners. "Would you like to help me look for them, Principessa?" he teases, but there's nothing knowing in his expression, and nothing mean-spirited -- there's only a sort of gentle affection. "We can go the long way around. You were trying to ask me something when Bow caught me in the comfiest trap I have ever gotten caught in."

Amanda Faust has posed:
    The 'Principessa's eyes widen at the offer, and she freezes for a couple of seconds. Oh no he totally could tell what she was thinking! She can't help but feel silly...

    ...But the warmth in his eyes, and the lack of judgement, only friendliness, make it a more friendly teasing rather than feeling shamed or picked on.

    And he asks something that immediately sends her thoughts off in another direction, her previous concern forgotten. "You remembered that?"

    She walks over and slips her arm through his; The height difference might make the positioning a little awkward, but he's obviously used to Usagi and Amy will follow his lead on adjusting for that.

    Amy looks down the hall ahead as they start walking. Keeping an eye out for people, but not really focusing on searching for hidden people. "It was comfy for you? I got lost in the mechanical forest-- wait, no, that's not the point. Um. So I heard... I talked with Usagi-chan a bit, and I heard about you using the disguise pen."

    She looks at his face curiously but intently; one person who has felt Gender Feels unable to help searching for connection.

    "How... how was it?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"The disguise pen or the comfy trap?" asks Mamoru, eyes twinkling again, but he relents and answers the question Amy is actually asking right now.

"It was fun! I got a twirly skirt and I'm not sure how I feel about them, I'm used to things twirling around my ankles, not my knees," the prince laughs, "and I don't know, I asked for pretty, and I ended up a sexy librarian or something. Which is fine, I just should be more specific next time, I guess."

He adjusts for her height a little bit more, and he adjusts his pace to fit hers, and they basically meander down the hall 'looking'. "Usako and I are going to make a couple of shopping trips when we have time, and get some clothes we'd like to be able to change into, you know? Because there are like three things of Usagi's I can wear, and her sweatpants look like leggings on me."

He's not... embarrassed at all.

"I'm about 5'6" and more uh-- likely to pop buttons. As a girl."

Amanda Faust has posed:
    Mamoru pretending not to be sure which Amanda is asking gets a brief "Uhh..." of confusion out of her as she mentally switches gears -- or context switches, as perhaps a computer metaphor is more fitting than a car one -- to process the meta-conversation, remember what he's talking about, and respond, but then he does answer and she can't help smiling.

    Usagi said he was fine with it, and Amy's mental model of her two friends has scribbled over the Gender [ ] box with 'some kind of nonbinary that's cool with either type of body and presentation, clearly fine with what they're born as and being treated socially as such and best to treat them as such unless it's somehow specifically relevant'...

    ...So she had a fair idea of what to expect but hearing it directly from his mouth hits a little different. It's not the same, she assumes, as talking to a trans girl would be like, it's not someone who got to finally glimpse their true self after a lifetime, but there is joy there of some kind, joy of exploring a new facet of oneself without shame, and she smiles wide at hearing it, imagining Girlmoru twirling a spinny skirt.

    And they like it enough to get some outfits for their other forms! Not something thought of once or twice and then forgotten, it really did mean something on a deeper level. Not the same as her, but something she can still relate to more than to most people. "I see! Ooh, I'd be happy to come along if you like!" She can't help getting enthusiastic! But, maybe she's letting that enthusiasm get the better of social graces? "If that's not weird?" She tries to rein it in. "I dunno if other friends would get it... but also maybe it's more of a couples thing."

    And Mamoru gives her some details, and she adjusts the image in her imagination accordingly, and looks down at herself. "Huh. I never thought I'd be on this side of that old cliché."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"That's not weird at all!" Mamoru says reassuringly, waving his free hand around as if to dismiss the worry. "I think Usako is biased about what would look good on me, but you can give a second opinion."

Glancing down and to the side at Amy for her 'huh', Mamoru looks curious. "What old cliche?"

His soft leather boots don't make a sound on the floor, but that's probably more to do with the carpeting and his being light-stepped than with the boots.

Mamoru slows to a stop, looking preoccupied for a second and holding up a hand in just-a-minute. "I think they got bored. They're moving. We should go back in the other direction, that's where they are."

Amanda Faust has posed:
    What cliché? "Oh, uh, you know." Amy looks away a bit awkwardly. "'I can't believe a boy has bigger boobs than me.' That uh. That line or some variation appears in a lot of stories."

    Fortunately, there are other subjects. She stops after he does. "How can you tell they're moving? Does Earth-sense of some kind extend to the castle's stone?"

    She doesn't object to changing direction.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"Oh, well, I certainly don't unless I'm a girl, which I'm not right now, so I think you're safe," laughs Mamoru instead of saying anything about having clearly been reading the wrong kind of stories for that, because it would make him have to admit to having read all 40 volumes of Prince of High School. It was research.

They do turn around, and start walking back to where they came from, and perhaps Amy is making progress hatching Pokemon eggs even here in Chanteur. Mamoru laughs, and pats Amy's arm and lets his own drop. They both land in his pockets, and he gives her a sheepish smile. "Sorry, arm got tired."

The prince takes a breath and then shakes his head wiith a smile that's wearing wryness as a kind of armor. "There are just some people that I'm always aware of, and I can tell how far they are from me and in what direction if I think about it. If we were on Earth, it would extend to the stone, but we're in Chanteur. I'm effectively blind here."

Amanda Faust has posed:
    "Dh, ha ha!" Amy bursts out a short laugh at Mamoru's response. Smiling as he laughs, and when he takes his arm back she shakes her head a little, smiling, "It's fine."

    Thoughts whirl about in her head. How to word them...

    But he says something distracting. "Really? Is it because you've spent so much time around them?" The redhead looks at him, curiously. "Wait, so do you," She looks at his glasses, "have like, a vision problem even with the glasses, or you just mean, blind not literally well kind of I mean more in the sense of having lost, of not having that extra sense here and having to rely on more normal senses?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"Not literally," assures Mamoru, shaking his head. "The latter. Coming here was losing a sense I rely on. But I can triangulate via the two Usagis and the portal, and I'm not-- I can still tell where my people are, if that makes any sense. And I still have all my other abilities. So I'm not actually in distress this time."

The other time he was 'blind' he was also crispy-burnt though, so that certainly added to the distress.

Amanda Faust has posed:
    Amy blinks. "You can sense the portal? Oh right, it's to Earth." She nods.

    After a moment, she speaks again. "...All this time, I've... like, I was kind of hoping -- not from you, I mean, but in general -- that I'd find someone else like me, among all the magicals. But..." She shakes her head. "I never did, not exactly. But..."

    Amy smiles up at him. "Though it was in the same body, and a different world, you remember another life... and... this is... like... It's not exactly the same, but, doing this, and experiencing this, and being so interested in it, like... it's... it's not exactly the same, but you kind of... get it?"

    She looks at him like she's expecting 'wtf r u talkin' about' at any point.

    "And it's just... there.... there hasn't been anyone.... at all, you know?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Mamoru nods in agreement: it's to Earth, which is what he can sense. He gets brefly distracted by thinking of it as a pinhole camera and wondering what it would show if they had a big enough sheet to project on--

She's speaking again, so Mamoru pays attention again, hands in his pockets the whole way through. At the end, he doesn't look at her like she's crazy or anything, he looks thoughtful. And then there's the last thing she says, and Mamoru smiles a little. He was alone in the orphanage system for a year before he met Takashi, with magic, with no memory, with no attachment to his own name. "I get not having anyone to talk to," he says.

He walks along with his hands in his pockets, looking at the ceiling with his head back for a moment before straightening up. "And I think I get it. It wasn't the same body, though, I was shorter and a little darker and had curlier hair. Curly like Jadeite's. After my last life's memories slammed back into place, beyond all the other stuff I had to get used to all over again, I had a startle every time I looked in the mirror. Just for a little while, but still..." he trails off, then, "I had some trouble hitting my head in doorways because of forgetting I need to duck."

But then he takes a hand out of his pocket, ungloved, empty, and he holds it out to Amy, stopping walking again. "You can make sure I get it by showing me what you're feeling. What you mean. Or picture something, I'll see it."

Amanda Faust has posed:
    I get not having anyone to talk to.

    She nods in relief, smiling a little.

    Aftr my memories came back...

    Amy nods. "Yeah. It was a bit before... it's like, you look in a reflective surface and you're like, 'who's that person over there?' and then your brain catches up and it's suddenly your reflection."

    She gives a quiet chuckle at the comment about hitting his head. "Yeah. I kept assuming I could reach high places or see over things and then I'd get over there and 'oh, right.'"

    She stops walking and looks up at him. Slowly pulls off her glove as she thinks about what to... think.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Seeing Amy's uncertain look, Mamoru says reassuringly, "You can just talk about it, and I'll hear what you say and get what you mean."

Then he takes Amy's hand, and she'll feel the warmth of his power, the Earth's power filtered through his crystal. He's not actively doing anything with it, though, so that's all there is besides his feelings.

Mamoru is feeling: Peaceful :)

Amanda Faust has posed:
    Amy takes a breath. Where should she begin?

    She finishes pulling the glove off.

    He feels how she feels more comfortable, more at home, around people who've really thought about what it's like to have a different body.

    How early on, she wondered if she'd ever meet any other magical girls who used to be boys, or used to be adults.

    Feelings about being a teenager again swerve into how she was talking to Usagi and Coco on the roof that day -- oh right you were there! -- how she tried to figure out how she must look to them, imagined some new guy friend hanging out with Mallory back when he was a guy, saying the sort of things Mallory said but flipped -- 'feels so special to have the chance to see what it's like as a guy', 'honored to be treated as a sort of honorary guy for the time being', etc -- and he -- she still thought of herself as a he at the time, for a moment longer--

    --and he thought, isn't that just a trans guy? And he'd say to such a person, in what way are you a girl, really? And a trans guy is in the situation he's in right now, except the trans guy would hate it and Mallory feels so special to have the opportunity--

    The memory of a feeling as if he were looking at the world through a clear plastic shell that suddenly shattered.

    Oh no. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no I'm a girl?! how can this be, to be so wrong about their identity, something that had always been known and certain -- but overlaid on it is Amy looking back now sympathetically at her past self, and glad she got here.

    Amy drags her thoughts to talking with Taro, and with Usagi and Tamaki, about remembered lives, and about how they aren't what they seem -- the girl on Amy's student ID, the person who has the past experiences of having been a little girl, is thinking normal teenage girl things about what will she be when she grows up, doesn't exist, and there's the thing, Amanda, looking out from behind these eyes, and few people will be able to see or understand it.

    But even then. Even with their understanding. She has read so many stories. Mangas, mostly. A lot of them dirty, because just like women in general, genderswap girls are objectified and yet even many of those stories contain feelings she's looking for, of people wishing for this situation, of people imagining this situation and how it would feel and getting it right or wrong, which lets her know she's not weird, she's not the only one who feels these feelings, but she knows it's a weird thing to be obsessed with, and she can't really explain and it's awkward to talk about partly because yeah a lot of it is dirty and-- she pulls her hand away before shaccidentally sends Mamoru anything more inappropriate.

    "So um." Amy looks down at the floor, then up at him, hoping to see understanding. "Yeah."

Amanda Faust has posed:
    After a brief hesitation she reaches to touch his hand again--

    --She was fascinated by being a doll, and later a toy, she's always wondered what different bodies are like and there's the scientific curiousity of how does it work and wanting to know how it feels and it was something unique, seeing the world from down there for days and no one taking the opportunity to make fun of or hurt her but instead supporting her and checking in on her and Rashmi carried her around in her backpack so she wouldn't be alone -- but she always thought these things were fascinating, read a lot of stories about that too, and... that's why she was so worried for the people turned into toys, especially after she learned that most people like the kind of body they have and would feel awful suddenly being put in another--

    "S-sorry. I think. Yeah. I just figured I should cover that too, I guess."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
It's dizzying, and for a moment Mamoru is smiling, eyes closed as he gets into the rhythm of how Amy's thinking works before she speeds up. He's sort of... Present, Present as if he were the background, the whole actual background, and that's something Amy might notice in retrospect.

The very first thing: okay, he gets it, he thinks-- and he relaxes, and she can see his face clear. He follows along with everything Amy's showing him, calm and attentive, actually having appropriate emotional responses -- he's feeling along with her, now.

Oh does he ever sympathize with finding out that the things you knew happened to be incorrect, but in a life-changing way. He's empathizing with everything, but there's a stronger-than-normal resonance with that one, and with looking back with gentleness in one's gaze--

The same gentleness that's in his face as he opens his eyes and smiles. She can tell he gets it, looking down at her, she can tell through the contact between their hands (no platitudes for Amy Faust) and she can tell by the look on his face.

Mamoru's about to say something in response when Amy reaches to touch his hand again, and his eyebrows go up in surprise -- there are apparently Feelings that Mamoru has about having been a doll and a little bit of self-conscious sheepishness about it -- but he puts it away and grins lopsidedly. "No, that's all right," he says. "I was still filtering. If you touch me without warning, though, odds are good I'm not filtering my other senses and it might be overwhelming. Just fair warning. I wasn't popular at school before Obsidian, I had a reputation for being unnatural in addition to not having any family."

Then he pulls back his hands, shaking them out and running them through his hair and adjusting his glasses as they start walking again, and then he puts them back in his pockets.

A beat. "Please don't spread that around. Not that I think you would, but it's not widely known and I like it that way."

Amanda Faust has posed:
    Amy is watching his face but realizes she doesn't have to be, since she can feel him... his empathy and sympathy welcome and a relief. And nods at his explanation. "I see." For a second she stares into space, focusing on sharing memories -- and then realizing they're not touching and feeling a bit silly. She starts putting the glove back on. "I was picked on for being weird at school. Not 'unnatural', but..." Amy shakes her head. "I wonder if I wouldn't be the same, if people knew a little more about me. I... if it bothers yu, I won't tell."

    She walks with him. "So. You... I didn't quite get that, something about... How you felt about the whole doll thing?"

    She's half-smiling, warmly, no judgement -- if anything, she's probably hoping for weird feelings to comiserate with.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"Hmm? No, there's a considerable social stigma to being an orphan," Mamoru says mildly, his pace a leisurely saunter, "it doesn't bother me on its own. It's just that I'm not straight either, and that carries a social stigma in the professional world. The two together is more than I want to deal with before college, and I'd rather not hide it if I'm with Kazuo or Tamaki."

He spins on his heel and walks backwards for a moment, eyeing Amy and looking a combination of prim and guilty. He is, in fact, blushing a little, but his humor is still good. "Now, now," he says, laughing, "I think I should leave that conversation to have with my fiancee and boyfriends."

Amanda Faust has posed:
    Amy sucks air in through her teeth. Right. Japan. Society.

    And queer. Amy looks down at the carpet as she wonders if... demi lesbian -- and, if she decides to be out with a cover story, intersex trans or something -- ...will be accepted outside Radiant Heart professionally. "Guess we could teach after we graduate."

    Amy looks briefly confused at Mamoru's expression, then surprised, then smiles. "It's fine. I don't mean tell me, just... I've got no room to shame you for it." There were things in the periphery in that second touch -- the background sense that she'd seen strange things while looking for such stories, though the focus wasn't there -- she's familiar with the strange interplay of thoughts about odd magical experiences and people having such feelings about them.

    She looks ahead down the hall, but doesn't spy any odangoes peeking out from behind the furniture. "Thank you. For... caring to... talk about this. And letting me share feelings. I..." She pauses her step. "Yeah, there's been, no one, and..." she starts walking again, "much of my life has been so wonderful since I came here, far better than it ever was, but that part... was still lonely. And we're not exactly the same, but..." She smiles. "It's nice. That there are... that two of my friends even, don't just not see it as weird, but, that, it's a positive thing for them..."

    She smiles up at him. "It's nice."

    Beat.

    She looks ahead. "...Should I like... reccomend stories, or...?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
The embarrassment stays as an echo, despite Amy's reassurances, but at least the slippery sharp edge of it isn't there anymore. And then she keeps talking, and Mamoru eventually just looks affectionately amused. "Nobody's exactly the same as anybody else. You had a very special thing happen to you that's vanishingly unlikely to work out the same way for anyone else. Same with me. I'm not the same as the other Sailor Senshi, you know? And some parts of our experiences do mirror-- funnily enough, like the mirror."

Letting out a long breath, the prince stalls in the hallway where there's a crossroads. "We'll probably hit a dead end sooner or later. I've only got distance and direction as the crow flies."

He picks a direction and keeps going. "In other words, you're very welcome. Thank you for not judging me, either. And it is nice. Neither of us has to be lonely. And wait until you see what kind of absolutely amazing suits I can stick Boysagi in~"

He glances down at Amy, eyebrows up. "About-- oh!" He laughs self-consciously. "No, I'm all right for now. I'll let you know if that changes, though."

Amanda Faust has posed:
    "The mirror? Oh, right, reflections." Amy nods. And she smiles at the enthusiasm for picking nice suits for Boysagi. "Nice! I do kind of wonder about the guy perspective of picking out clothes that look good, I don't... see that much."

    About... Her face reddens and she covers it with her hands. "I meant gender bender stories to read! Not... the other thing..."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"Okay no thanks let's-- I'll let you know if it changes! For that too!" the prince cough-laughs, holding a staying hand out for a second. They are both red.

"One of the things that I did for instant credibility at Obsidian was do a deep research dive into men's tailoring and costuming," explains Mamoru finally, "so that I knew what I was doing when I commissioned my executive work clothes. So I really do know what looks good."

Amanda Faust has posed:
    Amy takes a breath of cool air, and drops her hands back to her sides, her face cooling as they move on. "Ooooh. Yeah, it'll be interesting to see what you come up with for Boysagi." She smiles.

    She can't count how many times she's read a 'former guy -- who may or may not be happier this way -- chooses or has clothes chosen for her' scene, and since Mamoru's into it hell yeah is she excited to see how it goes with Girlmoru -- but the other way around? She can only think of one. As a connoisseur of the genre, and as Usagi and Mamoru's friend, she's curious to see how it goes!

    Amy lowers her voice a bit. "So...If you can sense them... doesn't that kind of defeat the point of the game?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
There's a quick, bright smile at Amy's enjoyment of his happiness, and then Mamoru blinks at Amy's last question.

He holds his finger to his lips, eyes sparkling. "Shhh."