1524/It's About Trust

It's About Trust
Date of Scene:	11 May 2024
Location:	Dorms 1
Synopsis:	Following her argument with Setsuna in Scene 1513 and their text messages, Usagi finally rejoins Mamoru to share a whole host of things that have gone down, from the Cringe Cave of Jadeite to the blow by blow of the Outer/Usagi divide.
Cast of Characters:	Usagi Tsukino, Mamoru Chiba
Tinyplot:	We Got The Beef

---

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
To say it had been a night was an understatement. Usagi Tsukino has felt probably the full range of human emotion tonight, except maybe for sadness and despair and grief and - alright, maybe she'd felt half the full spectrum of human emotion, tonight, she can fairly say that, yeah?

But while the evening had started sour, it had ended sweet, and her burning anger is far more muted and grumpy, now. She still wants Mamoru to come over, of course - when doesn't she want Mamoru to come over - but now it's less for the sake of avoiding a rage-induced heart attack and more for the benefit of dishing to her boyfriend.

She's inside for maybe two minutes when Luna lifts her head, rolls her eyes, and proceeds to escape through the window. They're not on the first floor (probably) Luna! Don't be so dramatic!

But since she's going to be like that, Usagi heads over to the door, knowing exactly what prompted this: "Mamochan! Thanks for coming over."

Just because they've been doing a lot more kissing since they got back from the past four days ago...

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Kissing that continues, light and casual and sweet, like they've been doing it for years--

There is kiss! Mamoru grins as he straightens up and comes in, saying, "I paid the kiss toll -- may I come in?" It's teasing, easy and affectionate, and it's only afterwards that he checks for Naru and Luna. "Oh we're alone?" he asks, toeing off his shoes next to the door as he closes it behind him.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"We're alone. Luna's getting tired of us kissing all the time, but the joke is on her if she thinks that will stop us," Usagi giggles, stepping back so Mamoru can enter the room. She closes the door behind him, glancing at Naru's empty bed. "I think Naru-chan is out with Adrien? So it's just us."

And usually, if the two of them were alone together, there'd be more kissing, but Usagi's had a day - so while that kiss is sweet and light, it's all it is.

"So... do you want to hear about things with Ami-chan, things with Tamachan, or things with the Outers, first?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Mamoru sits on the couch he's been known to sleep on, dropping himself down like it's his, laughing. "Poor Luna. Ish. If she didn't get used to it last time around, she'll just have to get used to it this. "I think-- Tamachan first, because I am boiling over with curiosity, and then the Outers because it'll make you mad again, and then Ami-san because it'll make you happy again," he decides after a second of brow-furrowed thought.

He looks up at Usagi through his hair, then tosses his head so his bangs aren't in his eyes, and those eyes are sparkling. "I am ready for the cringe horror. I promise not to look! I'm positive I don't want to actually see."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"I think she'll get over it soon, she's just all prim and proper sometimes, you know?" Usagi is unsympathetic. She's heard about Luna's human form! Why is Usagi worrying about getting her snacks when she could go buy her own snacks, because she can operate a credit card! Sure, she's still doing it, but, hey...

"Alright, Tamachan it is. I really didn't know they'd mentioned it to you, or I'd have told you sooner... or maybe not, it was probably better to let him like, confess his feelings and stuff himself, without his humiliation being a factor." Because let there be no mistake, there is humiliation.

"Okay, so, it started when I went through another portal - this time I ended up with Kazuo-kun, in this really cold, dark hallways, and Tamachan was all curled up in a ball, looking totally devastated, and he was like we've got to go - and then I heard Jadeite's voice, all sing-song, talking to you, from another room, so I went and peeked, and - well, it wasn't you, it was an ice sculpture of your head, and the whole room was all these messed up sculptures, of you!"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"Axe murderer amounts of statues, you said," Mamoru says a little faintly, sitting back. His eyes are wide. "He was talking to a sculpture of my head? Sing-songing? What, just-- I mean-- he was overprotective and it was always easier to get him to calm down if I was touching him, but-- that--"

Mamoru sits up again and drags his hands down his face, inhaling and then letting it all out fast instead of in a drawn-out sigh. "I mean. I guess. Poor Tamaki, and yes, humiliation. Oh god. But what I mean did he remember this? And just... Jadeite no wonder he was the way he was when we were in Obsidian. He was always trying to get my approval, always. And then going off and doing things in secret. He wasn't always like that, I swear! Not when we were younger!"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"Oh, it was such an axe murderer amount of statues," Usagi says seriously. She plops down on the couch and pats the side for Mamoru to come sit with her. There's sympathy in her eyes and a bit of remembered horror in her voice, but it's taken on the tone of someone dishing out what they know to be a bit off truly ruinous gossip, while know it's all true.

"I didn't realize he liked you, until I saw him holding your ice sculpture head and singing to it. So you should be really proud of me for still telling him that he should confess!" Praise her benevolence because that was fucked up! "Like, if I think back to it and not just like, all my horror of like... oh my god! oh my god! what the fuck! then like, I think... he wasn't happy with the sculptures? It was like, he was making them, and breaking them, and saying how handsome the sculpture head was, and how he'd get it right this time, because you deserved nothing less, and Tamachan said that was... a little bit how Beryl got him: artist's block and other things."

And her voice is dry.

"And so I told him I think this was a little more than artist's block."

Which she stands by! It was well-deserved!

"I don't think he remembered until he saw it, because he was like, deep in the shame pit and the oh no don't look at me, when Kazuo-kun and I found him. And I believe you! I don't think he was always like that. I do think Beryl made him worse, like she makes everything worse."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Mamoru definitely scoots over on the couch until he's right up against Usagi, at that pat pat invitation, and he briefly brushes her hand with his to show her exactly how he's feeling about all this--

(YIKES YIKES YIKES YIKES BIG OOF YIKES) (poor Tamaki) (OOF)

--but absolutely it's just that brief, because he does not want her mental images of this. He does not want to see it more than his mind's eye is building from Usagi's words.

Mamoru gives her a mildly disbelieving look at the 'didn't know he liked you' -- "You reacted pretty hilariously whenever he called me 'my prince' in front of you," he points out, settling in and snaking an arm around Usagi, between her and the couch. "But yeah. He also told me that liking me was how Beryl got him. 'Artist's block' though, oh my god."

A pause.

"Wait he was carrying the sculpture of my head and singing to it?" he cringes physically, eyes wide again. "I thought it was like. Not that. That's weirdly morbid?? At least it was ice? Oh no ice drips..."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
There's the sheer force of his cringe, and she nods sympathetically - not forcing him to keep holding her hand, but leaning in to carefully lean against him, not touching skin, but clothes only to make sure he doesn't get a mental picture of everything!

"Well that's because it's not your name! You're not just a prince, you're Mamoru, and you almost died to get to be Mamoru instead of Darien, and I don't like the idea of people not using your, especially when it cost so much. Like... it's rude! And it's not okay! And also, I'm like, literally always jealous that other people like you but I'm not going to let it control me, you know?"

She will absolutely sometimes let it control her but shhhh.

"He was holding it. He was talking to it. He was saying how he'd get you back from that vixen on the moon, and do you know un-vixen like I was as Serenity? I was the nicest, sincerest, not-vixen-y girl ever."

A pause.

"I mean, now, I'm a vixen. I stole the boy from the side of darkness, all with my good looks and charm!"

Wink.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"You certainly are," murmurs Mamoru, and now the hands that were itching to start moving when she explained how un-vixen-like she was as Serenity... move. They're warm over Usagi's pink shirt over her skin, and like in their dream, he twists and picks her up around the waist to slide her into his lap. And skin contact be damned, he kisses the side of her neck, head tilted to do it, and Luna would be horrified, and all there is is a warm desire to be ever closer.

But then he just settles his arms around her. His voice is quiet, contemplative. "I have a lot of names," he says slowly. "Sorry to sidetrack, but I think this might be important to say? When I woke up after almost dying, all those names and nicknames and manners of address became mine, and being called 'my prince' when everything is safe between us all? It's load-bearing, but it's not bad. I also almost died to get to be Endymion again instead of Darien. Being Endymion as well as Mamoru is a flex."

Squish tight hug. "But yeah, I'm going to have to cut Tamachan off from 'my prince' until I'm sure he's capable of using it in a not quite so load-bearing way. And also, vixen? Serenity? really?"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
There's a moment, where Mamoru's hands are on her hips, spreading over her skirt, and it turns out it's a good thing that Luna left, because she'd be complaining plenty, about Usagi being dropped into Mamoru's lap, pressed chest to chest, his mouth at her neck, and she giggles, infatuated, in love, and warm.

It hadn't been a good day, and the evening was also pretty not-great, but dinner with Ami-chan had been good, and this, this is good too.

"No, you don't have to be sorry," she says, listening, and her hand is on his chest, her fingers brushing against the fabric of his shirt. "You're Endymion too. You're Endymion, and you're Mamoru, and you're... it's heavy, to be called prince. It's - heavy sometimes, to be called princess."

Because neither of them, really, is a prince, or a princess. Those titles are gone from them, forever. There's a real and true title, waiting, but neither of them is quite ready to step into it - or at least, Usagi isn't. She knows what it means, to be Queen, after all.

"I just meant... it bothers me, that he only calls you my prince, unless you say otherwise. Like it's just that, he sees, instead of all the rest of you too. You're not just Endymion - even if I love the part of you that's Endymion as much as all the other parts!"

And then she pauses. And pouts.

"He called me a hussy, too. Beryl got to be a maniac, but Serenity was the hussy, can you believe that! It's not like he knew what we were up to."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"If anything, I was the hussy," Mamoru says smugly. "Introducing the pure sweet innocent Moon Princess to Earth's dances~"

But he laughs, and it's warm too, and they get to have this. They get to have it, and Mamoru's so aware of Usagi's hand against his chest, over his heart. "It's heavy," he agrees softly. "We're in high school, we're just modern teenagers, we should get to dodge that weight this time. But-- I won't say it isn't useful, sometimes... it's just that every time it's useful, a little more of that weight becomes real."

Then Usagi is explaining the issue she takes with 'my prince' from Jadeite, and Mamoru's expression clears. "Oh, yes. And he gets so formal and weird about it sometimes... I may need help working on him," he laughs ruefully, his hands linked at the small of her back. "And I wish, a little, that we had been able to connect more closely as friends first-- but we can do that with kissing also involved. I just need to be more careful with him."

A pause.

"Speaking of kissing, is that all on poor Tamaki and his yikes, and we should definitely kiss again before you get to the Outers talk?"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"You were," Usagi laughs too, because his smugness is warm and easy, "You were the one who seduced sheltered little Serenity, with your smile and your dancing."

It had been - warm, and inviting, that smile, that hand reaching out for hers.

"We're in high school, on the same world, with no politics to separate us and... it's useful, occasionally." She thinks of the Outers, and rolls her eyes, "Very occasionally... but you're not wrong. I mean, I'll claim the planet for you, but - I know actually ruling the planet, before we even graduate high school... sounds bad."

Not fun, at all.

"We already can't get an uninterrupted date, you know?"

And now she has to share him, again...

"Well, he also kissed your decapitated sculpture head," she says apologetically, "I don't know how his lips didn't freeze to it. That happened. That was a thing. Since we're talking about kissing."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
There was always, always going to be sharing, though, even if it wasn't romantic -- they both have people they love unreasonably, whether or not that love is romantic, and they both have friends...

...but it's true, they have to be aware that the other might at any time be kissing someone else out of sight. It's all right. It's going to be all right. It'll be fine.

"Ugh, I don't even think anyone should rule the planet, not by themselves. I want to go to school to be a doctor, not a poli sci major..." he mourns. "And it's true, we can't get an uninterrupted date, maybe-- what."

Mamoru's face.

"He what."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
There's such sympathetic nodding along with his words. Usagi doesn't have any future ambitions at all, but that just means she especially doesn't really want to be a queen. Of course, she hadn't wanted to be a magical girl, either. She has, at the back of her mind, the fear that it won't matter that she doesn't want to be a queen, that Mamoru doesn't to be a king. But rather than dig into the topic of her lack of political theory, she just nods sympathetically.

"He kissed the head. On the lips. After he talked to it."

She lets that sit, then says -

"I don't think he was, like, delusional - or I mean, maybe he was Metallia delusional, I think he just, practiced? Maybe? On the head? Oh that doesn't sound better at all," whoops. "He kept talking about how he had to get the sculpture right, and then he could confess, and everything would be perfect, so I guess, he thought if he just got the art of the boy right, he'd get the boy too?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Mamoru just... hides his face in Usagi's shoulder, so red. He mumbles something that sounds like 'that's the worst thing that's the worrrst' but could conceivably be something else, but probably isn't.

He turns his head slightly to one side so he's still hiding his face but is more audible, and he asks unsteadily, "Do you think it would be mean of me to ask him if he likes warm kisses better than icy ones?"

Is he LAUGHING? Is THAT what the unsteadiness is???

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi pats his hand gently, trying to not touch skin, too much, so he doesn't get a surge of her feelings, but she's wondering if he took that especially badly, because he's hiding and murmuring -

And then he says that, and she bursts out laughing, giggling, pressed against him and shaking with laughter.

"Maybe, but I think you should anyway. I think he deserves teasing, for that one." He does. He definitely, absolutely, does.

And she pauses. And she says -

"I'm trying not to be mad at him, or Kazuo-kun, or Saitou-chan, or whichever one of Nephrite's names he wants to stick with. They're different, now, and they died, and they were purified, and everything that happened, happened in another life, and it was only partly their fault, and... all of those things. They're all true things. But I think I should tell you, because you should know, because we saw... and I remembered... a lot of bad things."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"...I... I know," Mamoru says, pulling back a little but not letting go, keeping his hands where they are. His face is still red from the effort of keeping the laughter in, but maybe--

No, now he seeks out contact, wants Usagi's feelings, wants her to know his, his depths of bitter disappointment and the ache of betrayal and the knowledge he got right before he died: there was something in their heads. Wants her to know his hope and grief, the grimness of the week after the silver crystal, what it felt like from inside when they had to chase them down...

...that he knows some of what they did. That he could feel the earth screaming. That the men his mother had entrusted with his life weren't there as the palace burned, as the city burned, as his mother burned-- because they were busy burning the world.

"I know. But even then, they were part of me, and I a part of them," he says in the lowest voice. "Now they have to live with what they did, and it's different for each of them, it's different the ways they cope with it-- because no, they didn't do all that in this life, and in this life it was my fault that three of them came under that influence again, but they blame themselves anyway. Even before they remembered, their souls knew. Things were... empty, before. For them, for me. Before I found them."

Mamoru chuffs out an apologetic sound that's vaguely related to laughter, but too wrong-emotions for it, really. "Thank you for saving us, even though you have every right to still be mad at them. Even if they didn't burn the world in this life."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
He lets her in, seeking out her touch - seeking out her skin, against his, and she sees what he feels - the barest glimpse of what he remembers, of that awful time that was at once too long ago and so recent. His sense of bitter disappointment, the ache of betrayal, the things that were coming, happening, happened. Grief, new and old, remembered and forgotten, hope that thigns could be, again -

She sees that he doesn't know, what Kunzite did to his city. She hides her own knowledge from him, so easily and deftly that she knows it's partly the part of her that was and will always be Serenity, that other girl, who was so familiar with Endymion's empathy, his reach, his power.

But she lets him feel the rest - the grief, as people died, and died, and died, as they were slaughtered by her guardians, as her sister became soldiers in truth, became butchers, all to try and save a doomed Kingdom. She lets him see her rage, her anger, the way it's not so much choked down as pressed gently, fertile ground for new, better feelings.

She lets him see how difficult it is, sometimes, to look, and see, and how she doesn't look away, despite that.

"Now we all have to live with what they did," she agrees, though her sentiment is slightly different, and her hand is on his head, her fingers carding through his hair. "And they want to do better. I... I'm glad we brought them back to you. And I'm glad we have a new chance. I'm glad they're doing better, with you, and for you."

It's not that it feels too easy. Things should be easy. It's just that...

"I guess it's almost the same problem I have with the Outers, now," she murmurs, "It's about trust, isn't it?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
With her fingers in his hair, Mamoru relaxes a little more, letting some of grief's tension go -- it's too big, it's too much, he's not ready to deal with feelings that big yet, and like Kazuo said, he won't be until it's inconvenient... it'll come on its own time. It's easier for him to deal with Usagi's, with Serenity's grief, because he can feel it with her, can be alongside it, a support structure if needed or wanted.

And he sees how difficult it is for her to look and see, and not look away, and he's so proud of her, even as his heart hurts with that.

But her hand is in his hair, and he tilts his head into that touch, and he pulls one hand from around her to take her other hand in his, and gently brings it to his lips. He kisses her fingertips, he kisses her palm, he kisses the inside of her wrist.

His voice is low against her skin. "We all have to live with what they did," he agrees, acknowledging the sentiment.

"And it is," he looks up, holding her hand to his chest again, almost hugging it there, "about trust." His hand drops to her waist again, to her hip, and his thumbs trace small arcs over the fabric. "Trust is a choice, most of the time. The five of us, we're forcing it for now, until it feels better. They don't keep secrets from me anymore. They let me touch them to see their feelings, to see truth; they let me reassure myself. They reassure me. Enough of it and there won't have to be trust-but-verify anymore." He sighs. "But it takes time, and it takes willingness on both sides, which takes acknowledgement that a wrong was done."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
It's an intimate position they rest in, her seated on Mamoru's lap, one of his hands on her hip, his other capturing hers, placed squarely over his heart, while her other rests in his hair... he kisses her fingertips, her palm, the inside of her rest, and he speaks against her skin.

It's the intimacy of lovers, the spirit of friends, common ground of co-conspirators, and they have been all that and more.

They live with their grief, in way or another. Their many losses, their growing victories, the shadow cast by the enemy who waits for them all, building power in the darkness.

There's trust between them, hard fought for, hard-earned, built over two lifetimes, two loves. There's trust growing between her Senshi, who she rallied, and his Shitennou.

Or at least, she thought there was. Now she wonders if the trust she felt so sure of, she felt was so strong, was a one way street, and she as blinded to the truth as the pigeon that strikes unseen glass.

"Firefly," she says, and the name is bitter, "You know I've had more nightmares about her than I ever did of Hinoiri? After she killed those girls, while they begged her, while I tried to pull one of them to safety..."

Usagi shakes her head, tries to shake away memory. He can feel it, if he wants, the remembrance of that fear, that horror, the guilt that had haunted her, for not being able to save even a girl so cruel.

"All of them were there. They all saw it. And maybe, maybe there is something fucked up and evil, inside of her, but isn't that all the more reason to say something? Pluto's invited me to her house. To her home. Aside from Firefly being an absolute nightmare child who hates me, she's gone murderous around me twice. Why the fuck would she at the very least not tell me so I don't walk right into the subject of my literal nightmares?!"

And for all that she'd said she didn't want to yell, she rolls off his lap, onto the other side of the couch, sitting beside him, because she did yell.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
The bitterness he can't help, but there's a sense that he agrees with its presence.

He stays with her for the remembrance, the fear and horror and guilt. Mamoru doesn't shy away from them as long as she doesn't try to hide them from him -- if she hides things, he lets her, always. But otherwise he's there, bedrock-steady and offering something to cling to, something that's a focus away from the horror if she doesn't want to dwell.

There's no disagreeing with any of this, no balking. Even when his experiences were different, he knows they were different.

The only balking is 'hates me' and even that's ... well, he was there for the repeated stabbing-while-screaming, so it's honestly just a fraction of a second. So when Usagi works up to going in for the yell, he lets go of her because boy does he see it coming.

Lets go, flinches a little because even if it wasn't right in his ear it was close, but then he almost immediately offers his hand again.

If she takes it, she gets the 'want to help, unsure how' vibe as he says hesitantly, "I mean, obviously she wasn't thinking. She's not in your head, and she's a sucker for pleading faces. I mean she offered to take me and the Shitennou to the Gates of Time and she bought out the camping stuff department. She's in her own head, which is really really old."

A beat. "Uh, or am I not offering answers yet, just sympathy? If the latter, sorry, I take back my suppositions."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
There's the sense of relief, that Mamoru accepts, that he agrees. Her bitterness is a living thing, birthed by nightmares and pain, and she understands that not everyone feels the way she does - apparently they got to meet some girl of sugar and light, who was just so hard to imagine as a terror, but that's not who Usagi met.

And that's why she's glad Mamoru's balking is only a second, maybe even less, because he was there too.

Not that she's totally processing, all of that, because yelling, because big feelings, expanding in her chest, and she has to dial it back, has to process it, somehow, into words, real words.

There's a faint smile when Mamoru starts to backtrack, a little, "You can offer some answers now. I got all - most - a lot? - of the yelling out over text, so I'm going to try not to yell, again, and... you're not wrong. I mean, I don't know if she wasn't thinking. Maybe she wasn't. Maybe she was. She certainly knew she was keeping her a secret, and surely she can understand why I'd want to know, if I'm supposedly the princess and the - other thing - and they respect me. And, it's not even - I don't even -"

Inhale, exhale, inhale. "It's not like I don't get that she'd want to help Firefly. Hotaru. Whatever. It sounds like her... like her situation was bad, and even if she's a terrifying, unstable nightmare, she still shouldn't be in a bad situation, but is it asking so much to keep us in the loop?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"...other thing...?" Mamoru asks blankly, then shakes his own head. He laces their fingers together and listens, and listens; he shifts on the couch so he's closer to facing her, can face her without craning his neck or making her crane hers. "I know, it's not even really about Hotaru, not at its heart. She's an exacerbating factor, she's the reason it's a big problem instead of just a problem, but she's not the problem. The problem is that there was a big secret it should have been obvious you'd want to know about straightaway, and you weren't read in on it in a remotely timely fashion. Right?"

He shifts a little closer, but not close enough to crowd, not when she might want to move around a lot more to get the big feelings to bend to her will. Instead, it's just a little closer, and he strokes the back of her hand with his thumb, and he watches her face at the same time as he 'watches' her emotions.

"It could be," he says slowly, thinking about it, "that she simply doesn't have a reliable sense of the passage of time anymore. Being alone for fourteen thousand years in a place as unchanging as that, it's kind of a miracle she can relate to us, you know? I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I also don't have the same nightmares you do, and she's not one of my Senshi..."

There's something on the edge of his feelings about this, there's the mental image of having seen her dealing with the Gates side by side with the image of Kazuo dealing poorly with the Gates, Kazuo who's usually so collected and cool about things. He can't put it to words, though. There's the mental image of one of the times Endymion saw Queen Serenity--

He shakes his head. "I think there's a lot going on that we can't know about until there's a lot of sitting down and talking about it. It doesn't seem like too much to ask to keep us in the loop, no, but-- I don't know how her head works."

Finally, Mamoru sighs and scrubs at his face a little with his other hand. "This is another thing we're going to need to have you write down and sort through. With breaks in between. If you want me to take notes while you get it all out again in a more distilled form later, we can do that."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi is quiet, for a moment, and then she says, quietly, "Setsuna is the only one who ever called me a queen. The others, it's Princess, but with her... we talked about it. How I didn't want to formally ascend the throne, yet. I like her, Mamochan, and I trusted her, and I feel like - I told her she must see me as a dumb princess, to hide this without saying a word. I mean, we talked like - well, okay, it feels like a month ago, because of the portal, but on paper, it was like two and a half weeks ago that we had a serious, heart-felt talk, because she found out about Hinoiri, and she trusted me enough to talk about that, but she can't tell me about THIS?"

That's the other thing. That's - the other thing. Not just that she's a princess, but that she's a queen in all but formal title, even if her kingdom is gone, and the responsibilities on her shoulders are there because her mother is dead, and she's the only one who can hope to do what her mother did.

And then, Mamoru carefully outlines his thoughts, and he has a point. It's not really about Hotaru, she's not - "She's a big part of the problem," she says mulishly, "A really big part. But, yeah, it's mostly that other thing."

The secret keeping, of a really important, pretty dangerous, pretty scary, secret, you know?

"And that's the thing. Because I fought with Se- with Meiou-san, but it's not like Haruka and Michiru - it's not Tenou-san and Kaiou-san bothered to say anything, either. Meiou-san might be fourteen thousand years old and maybe her sense of time is messed up because of my mother making her stay at those god awful gates for so long, but theirs aren't. It wasn't just her, it was all of them, and not a single one of them thought to mention to me, or Ami-chan, or any of us, that hey, by the way, we're hiding the child of this super dangerous person in our house, where we live, where we've invited you to drop in whenever, and I just think, when you're on a team with someone, that's what you do, you know? You know?"

Is it so much to ask?!

"I am going to have to write down so much, because after Meiou-san yelled at me I wanted to scream in her face and I only just barely pulled it down to a yell and that's not - going to work, if I want them to respect me, which they clearly don't, and do I really want them to respect me, now?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Mamoru's very quiet when Usagi says that, about herself and Setsuna having a discussion about Usagi being Queen. He and the Shitennou haven't spoken about the last four hours of Endymion's life, and he's not in a hurry to do so, not when they're all still healing. He says only, "I see," and oh is there understanding in their contact.

Then he takes a breath. "Hotaru is a huge part of the problem, but it's useful to take the problem apart and get to the roots of each piece of it. That way each part can get named and addressed properly whenever you end up hashing it out with them," he says, earnest, with almost nothing in his touch but warmth and support, now. "And when trust is broken, that's a huge thing that takes a while to fix. Pluto has to understand why you feel the way you do, because I'm willing to bet she doesn't, yet. And we have even less of an idea how Neptune and Uranus feel, since they weren't there for the argument-- and they're none of them going to understand until you can articulate it clearly and without the big mad-- because right now you're really, really mad at them."

He's quiet and encouraging, a little apologetic because he has so much to say, but-- that's in his touch too, that communication is so, so important. That all of this is important. That this won't be the last clash, but it's the first one, so it feels insurmountably bad. "And you don't want to have anything to do with them. So of course right now you don't necessarily want them to respect you anymore, because why should you? Why should you want anything from them if they're just going to turn around and be like this, right? And you're throwing your hands in the air.

"And you should! You should stomp around some more where they can't see, and rail against it where they can't see, and you can cry, too, where they can't see, because it's not the business of the whole world how mad you are, and feelings have to be dealt with before reasoning is. It's a heavy thing, to be a princess. It's an even heavier thing to be Queen. And -- you're fifteen, Usako, you shouldn't have to worry about that, right?

"You should be able to scream it out when you're that angry. But you're also the leader of the biggest team around. And sometimes that really, really, really sucks-- to have to be the responsible and diplomatic one when you just want to throw things. So throw things and scream, and then write down all the everything, and then we'll pick it apart until you're sure of each bit, and only then will you have to start thinking about the diplomacy aspect."

Finally, Mamoru exhales and looks pretty rueful, and he holds Usagi's hand in both of his until she pulls it away or until he's finished, either way. "And all that is probably not the stuff you wanted to hear right now, and maybe I should have saved it for until after you tell me about how nice it is to kiss Ami-san."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi listens, and there's mulishness, there, but it eases as Mamoru speaks. He's earnest and genuine and he understands how she feels, on a far more intimate level, because while she's angry, she's not been betrayed. Not properly. Not truly.

"No," she says as to his maybe I should have waited, and she's still holding his hand, and he's holding hers, can feel her faint amusement, but also her sincerity, her tired, her lingering annoyance and resentment and frustration, but how they're lingering, now, pushed back. "It's okay. You're... I mean, it's like, you're not wrong? It's heavy, and I want to scream it out, and I'm mad, and I want to cry a little too, because I cry when I'm mad and when I'm sad and when I'm happy, too."

And boy does he know it. She really is a crybaby.

"And... I do want them to respect me. I shouldn't have said that, I'm just mad. But do I want them to respect me because we're friends... or because we need to work together? Because... I guess, maybe, I need to figure out what's more important. I know what it is, for Mako-chan and Ami-chan and Mina-chan and Rei-chan, and I thought it was the same, sorta, with them. But maybe it's not. Maybe I just, pushed, and assumed, and we were never as much of a team as I thought we were, and I was wrong about that, and now I have to like... sort it out. With them."

She rubs her temples.

"Does any of that even make sense?"

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"It does make sense," Mamoru answers immediately, and he's still touching her, making sure she feels his grasp of what she just said. He gets what she's saying. Then he's quiet for a moment, and she can feel the calm, but also the swirling of emotions apart from it, set aside. He's angry on her behalf, he's frustrated too--

"Sometimes when I'm angry enough, I feel like I'm going to cry, too," he says after a moment, not wry, not embarrassed, just admitting it. "It's a physiological stress reaction, it doesn't make you a crybaby."

He's talking while he's thinking about the rest of it -- he means what he says, it's not empty platitudes, but it's also partly filling the silence while he considers how to put what he thinks about all the other points.

Finally he says with a tiny smile, "I didn't really think you didn't want them to respect you, but I was definitely talking to the mad of that moment, so I'm glad of that confirmation." He adjusts his glasses with the hand that's not touching Usagi, then rubs the side of his nose where they were digging in a little.

"And maybe it's not the same. But maybe the angry on their side is temporary, defensive because they don't want to be wrong. It's not like the others are that much older than you, they're somewhere between us and we're only like a year and a half apart. Even friends can have really bad fights sometimes."

Mamoru slides his hand to lightly rest his fingers on the inside of Usagi's wrist, over her pulse point, and through the contact she can tell he's just enjoying knowing she's alive and here in this moment with him. But he's concentrating on their conversation, too.

"I do think it needs to be sorted out, but I think the parts that hurt you need to be separated from the parts that are truly a breakdown of crucial tactical communication, and addressed separately. Does that make sense?"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Being told she's making sense is validating, especially because she knows that Mamoru does understand - knows that he feels her frustration, even as she feels his love, his honesty. It's enough to quirk a smile to her lips. "Mamochan, I'm the biggest crybaby in our grade."

And it's true, but also, she can feel what he means - that high emotion makes for hard decisions, makes for clouded views, makes for...

"The mad might be making a house in my ribs," she admits, "Just a little one, though. I figure... it will move out soon, if I get it out? But maybe it - maybe it won't, because..."

A little sigh.

"Because yeah, it makes sense. I have to figure out how much of this is like, my problem, because they were jerks, and how much is, all of our problem, because it was risky." Like keeping this entirely a secret. Like just treating Firefly like a regular scared kid just because she's also Tomoe-san.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"If you say so," Mamoru says to the crybaby part, and the tone is teasing; underneath it, he doesn't think she's a crybaby but he knows he's biased.

"And that's definitely somthing you can figure out, even without my help, even without writing things down," comes his agreement on how much is Usagi's problem versus how much is everyone's problem. But...

"One good thing about when you're mad, is that even when it lasts a while, you can get distracted out of it temporarily." And there's a brief grin, and he leans in to kiss her, but won't if there's the slightest frustration with him changing the subject in their touch, if there's the slightest hesitation when he telegraphs the movement.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
The tone is teasing. The truth is he doesn't buy it, and he'll feel her love for that, her love for him, how much she loves his warmth and his comfort, but also the undercurrents of his heart, the deep tides that swam beneath it all. She really, truly, deeply loves him.

"Yeah, but your help will make it easier. And writing it down will make it easier too, as long as I don't like, accidentally upload it to the cloud or something."

Can you imagine? She can! She doesn't know how the cloud works! She still doesn't get computers at all!

It's a distracting thought, but not as much as the kiss is, and one hand trails up to cup his face, to pull him ever so slightly closer.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Their love is big and wide and deep enough that Mamoru gathers it as a mantle to close around them both, like taking the moonlight reflected off the vast Pacific and wearing it. All of this heartache is temporary, his belief in her says in those deep tides, in those fissures that lead to another mantle...

The kiss is sweet, and Mamoru comes closer, comes around her knees to kneel in front of the couch to make the reach easier. His hand comes up to slip around the back of her neck, light and warm against her skin, not pulling -- just resting there, like her hand on the side of his face.

Smiling against her mouth, then, she can feel his brief, belated amusement: can 'see' in his mind's eye the image of trying to sync a physical notebook to the cloud.

Then his teeth graze her bottom lip, and his other hand is overwarm on her hip, over her skirt, and he's distracted too.