732/Ducks and Dialogue

Ducks and Dialogue
Date of Scene:	09 November 2023
Location:	Juuban Ward
Synopsis:	Usagi (and Luna!) finally take Himeko to see the ducks.
Cast of Characters:	Usagi Tsukino, Pyrite

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Usagi Tsukino has posed:
It was a cool autumn day, the weather not cold enough to demand heavy jackets but perfect for turtlenecks, and that's what Usagi was wearing - a thick pink turtle neck and black leggings under blue shorts, with Luna perched on her shoulder the way a parrot might have ridden a pirate. She was smiling determinedly, as they walked through one of Juuban's parks.

"We're not wasting anymore time. We're going to get to do this properly, you know? We are finally, finally, going to see the ducks, Himeko-chan!"

Pyrite has posed:
    Himeko walks alongside Usagi. She is smaller than Usagi, and so generates less body heat (or would if she was alive), so (for the benefit of observers more than anything), she is wearing a puffy magenta coat over a navy-blue turtleneck, with a long dark-blue skirt with moons and black cats and ghosts on it. She got it for Halloween, and it's still cute, so why not wear it? She has chosen not to wear her light-up sneakers today, opting for a more practical pair of lace-up boots.
    Himeko has her hands in her pockets, and laughs lightly at Usagi's words. "Feels like a life time or ten ago that we talked about that for the first time... I didn't understand anything about the modern world." She looks up at Luna. "Was it like that for you? Or did you already understand everything when you awoke?"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Himeko-chan is adorable is what she is. Usagi smiles everytime she catches sight of the swish of her little skirt, with its cats and moons and ghosts. "It was a long time ago. But I felt bad, that we still didn't do it - I didn't mean to make you wait so long."

Life had gotten busy - exceptionally, scarily busy - but there was busy and there was busy. Usagi had decided that she was no longer so busy she wouldn't do something fun with a friend.

Luna hums, glancing down at Himeko thoughtfully. "It was something like that. I was reborn in this world too... or something, like that, anyway."

She wasn't an actual cat - she was of Mau blood and Mau bone, and Queen Serenity had helped her reincarnation such that she was not born of a Terran cat, but merely - born. Existed.

"I remember more of what it was like, then, but I came to know this world, too. It was confusing, at first."

Pyrite has posed:
    Himeko inclines her head towards Usagi. "It's fine. I'm very good at waiting." She thinks about what Luna says. "I think... As a vector for Mamoru to put away the memories he didn't want to have tampered with... I may have gotten passing knowledge as well. Some things were just already there, but so much was still unknown to me. Basic concepts served as a framework, and I had to fill in the rest myself." She runs ahead a short distance, and then turns around, walking backwards so she can look at Usagi and Luna at the same time without having to crane her neck.
    "Thank you. Reminding me who I am is important, and treating me like I'm a person does that. I may not strictly-speaking be human anymore, but..." She shrugs, and smiles a small, lop-sided smile. "Someday maybe, right?"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"Just because you're good at it doesn't mean you should have to," Usagi says simply, honestly, meaning every word. "I didn't mean for you to wait this long. I'm sorry."

The park has a cool wind, and a path that leads to a pond. That's what they walk along now, the path leading to the pond. Usagi has a little bag of peas, which she has been assured that ducks enjoy, it's hanging in her free hand as they walk.

"You have done very well, to build yourself up with just a structure," Luna says, "You're very resilient, to have done just that."

And then there's a pause, befor she continues, leaping down from Usagi's shoulder to pad between them, brushing ever so slightly against Himeko's ankle, "Miracles can happen. You should trust Usagi and Mamoru."

Pyrite has posed:
    Himeko shakes her head at Usagi's apology. Not needed. She looks down at Luna as the Moon Cat compliments her resilience. She could dismiss it. She could explain that she has been broken and broken herself so many times that putting things back together again has become second nature, so it wasn't that hard. She instead chooses not to deflect, and to just say, "Thank you." A pause, and then she adds on, "I'm sorry you didn't get to meet Shiro. He wasn't like you. He couldn't talk, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't smart either. But he was very..."
    She looks away suddenly, and turns around so that her back is to Usagi again as her psychoplasm throat closes up. When she's sure she isn't going to spill tears, she finally gets out in a subdued, quiet voice, "...He was a very good cat."
    She takes a moment longer, and then says, "Miracles can happen. But never on their own. Someone always has to step in to initiate it. A long time ago, there was a war in this country, and everything was burning. People were dying everywhere. But that warmth, and light... It was something I hadn't seen in quite a while. As it grew closer to my Shrine, I reached out and..." She pulls her hand out of her pocket and extends her arm, hand outstretched, then closes it shut tight. "...Killed it. I wasn't trying to kill it. I wasn't thinking of anything. It was just instinct. But I killed the fires, over and over, and people began to congregate at my Shrine due to that safe space I was creating."
    She lowers her arm and turns her small, pale hand to look at her palm as she opens it. "I was prayed to for that. The survivors called it a miracle. A divine act. Just... Killing things."
    She stuffs her hand back in her pocket, and looks ahead towards the pond. "I hope the miracle Usagi and Mamoru create won't require an even higher cost. I'm not worth it, if it comes to that."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"I wish that could have happened too," Luna says quietly. Himeko is a strange girl - she isn't alive, not properly, and she doesn't smell or sound like it, either. She exists, and she lives, but she doesn't. Walking alongside her is strange - but she is very, very obviously just a child, a girl, and Luna has no ill will for her. And she is herself so familiar with loss. "I'm sure he was a very good cat."

Usagi had told her the story - of course Usagi had told her the story, because Usagi had cried about it in her bed, guilty and sad and regretful that everyone had felt Himeko, had left Pyrite, even as it was necessary, for them, for her. Her ears dip.

"I'm sorry you experienced such a thing. You're not wrong. There's no such thing as a free miracle. All things take effort, and all things have cost. But I do not believe that miracle will enact such a cost."

The Silver Crystal had been capable of great miracles - healing, protection, restoration, had all been within it's grasp. And of course, the Queen's last act, to save them all...

"But I understand," Usagi says, quiet. "More than anyone, you have good reason to be wary. I hope it won't cost something like that either, Himeko-chan, but you're worth a lot."

Pyrite has posed:
    Himeko accepts what Luna and Usagi are saying. Maybe this miracle will be different. Maybe these people will be different. Maybe these relationships will endure. Maybe she won't be abandoned again, like she is every time. Maybe. And even though she doesn't believe any of those things, because of her nature, the obsessive repetition, she can't help but hope regardless.
    It's quite the strange feeling to be sunken in a pit of despair, and then being dredged out of it into the burning light of hope when you don't want to hope any more, and then just as you begin to get used to the idea... You fall all the way back down again. And you never become numb to it. You can't.
    For some people, Hell is burning forever. For Himeko, a true Hell is always personal. It's a torment crafted specifically for you, and the intimacy of it makes it even worse as a result. So, no. She doesn't trust anyone. But she hopes she can.
    And right on the heels of everyone she promised to help leaving her, being told, 'this time will be different' is just a signal to her that it's time to start the familiar cycle anew. Maybe, this time, the light of hope will burn her just a little bit longer before she has to go back down in the dark.
    She turns her head to look back at Usagi and smiles. "But I am not somebody else's life."
    Then she looks down at Luna. "Have you ever seen ducks before? Let's go see them together!" Casting off the heavy topic and dark thoughts, she starts running ahead towards the pond. "I'll race you!" she calls out.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Was anyone worth someone else's life? She wanted Himeko to have a second chance. Life could be so unfair - her life had been good to her, kind, and the worst thing that had ever happened to her had still given her the power to help others. The power to be their hero. The power, maybe, just maybe, to help Himeko-chan.

And maybe she could do it all.

"We've still got to try."

Luna will take her up on the distraction, though, the lift from heavy thoughts.

"I have, though not in a while. The ducks here are -"

Except! Shocking Twist! Himeko is not just starting a conversation! She's starting a race! Cheater! Luna's jaw drops, her ears standing erect - but then, she races off after Himeko, yowling. "I will not be defeated!"

Usagi is left to stare after them for a moment, before joining in the race. What will win - cat instinct, longer legs, or ghostly child exuberance?

Pyrite has posed:
    It's a strange thing, being Himeko. Not that she knows anything else. But recently, it has become stranger yet. The consolidation of her selves into one person, even if split between two bodies, has now turned into a single self. If she does anything else, it's ghost nonsense and illusions, a warping of reality to fit a dead girl's perception thereof. She is just her again.
    And five hundred years that she was forced to witness out of order, indistinctly, like cross-editted film from completely unrelated movies but all with the same director, and a single actor consistent across all of them.
    It's not like she has had the time or ability to sort through all of that. And there is still a good three hundred years of blank space that she still can't access, inbetween the wall of marbled fragments of herself and when she first gained awareness again, as a semi-kami. That first hundred after her death is... Unsortable. Lost data. So what is she supposed to be? Is she only who she has been most recently? A ten-year old? A long-persisting ghost? An old woman countless times over?
    Usagi and Luna may have noticed already, that instead of Onii-chan or Senpai, she just calls Mamoru by his first name now. Or perhaps only when he is not around.
    Growing detachment, even as her bond strengthens.
    These are the things she's thinking about as she runs ahead, slowing at a certain point to let Luna get ahead of her (but not Usagi!). When she looks back over her shoulder to smile and encourage Usagi, the smile falls from her face and she slows completely to a standstill. Everything is covered in snow. Snow everywhere, icecicles hanging from otherwise bare tree branches, an unplowed path deep with white snow banks... And a woman in a red dress, with long white hair, standing at a distance, with a red umbrella in hand, open over her head. She's smiling at Himeko.
    Himeko steps backwards, none of the defiance or bravery from Halloween within her now.
    She steps backwards into the shallow water around the duck pond. Red eyes blink rapidly. She adjusts to the new circumstances. Usagi and Luna arrived before her, probably. That's a significant gap in time. Did they even see what happened?
    Himeko crouches down, to look out over the not-frozen pond at the ducks. "Finally," she says quietly to herself.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
It's been ages since Luna has done anything as carefree as race about. Technically, it's probably been thousands of years, but it's not as though Luna were alive to live all of that - for her, that was both another life, and not that long ago, all at once. But for now, she runs - heart pounding, legs pumping, alive as they race. The sound of Usagi yelling behind them only makes her laugh, and she races ahead of Himeko, planning to halt herself before she hits water.

Like all cats, she's skeptical of the stuff. Particularly when it comes attached to a pond.

Usagi on the other hand, doesn't get in front of Himeko. Not easily, anyway, and when she does manage it, with both feet firmly in the shallows of the pond, she's surprised to have managed to stay upright, nearly tripping over herself when she turns to look back -

She doesn't see anything but Himeko though, Himeko who steps backwards into the water looking - maybe, empty?

"Hey... hey! Himeko-chan, did you see something?"

Luna pads close, looking concerned. She doesn't see anything either.

Pyrite has posed:
    She looks up from where she is crouched, peeking at the ducks at a safe distance so as not to scare them. For a moment, she just stares at Usagi. "Oh." Pause. "I thought I saw my mother. And a lot of snow." She has yet to emotionally unpack the fact that she met the mother who birthed her, in a time she cannot even conceive of. Just... Out of nowhere. There was a family member she had never met before.
    "Do you think she is really gone?" she asks, as she looks to Luna with a smile and a thumbsup for the feline's victory.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi crouches next to her, looking in the direction Himeko had. She sees no snow, and no woman, either. And she hasn't begun to really process that she'd met Himeko's mother - or that Himeko's mother was scary.

"...I don't know," she says honestly, "I don't see her now. That doesn't mean you didn't see her though, and... do you want her to be gone?"

Pyrite has posed:
    Himeko says, "No. She is gone now. Everything is as it was, whether it was a true vision or a hallucination of some kind." Though it is getting colder, so there's the chance it could still happen as they head ever closer to winter. The ghost thinks about the question seriously.
    "A ghost can be a lot of things. A memory, a daydream, a secret. Grief, anger, guilt. But, in my experience, most times they're just what we want to see. Most times, a ghost is a wish." She is quoting what she said at her shrine, when people came to confront her about what she was doing. A plan to kill the whole world that she now regrets deeply.
    "I think," she says slowly, taking in a breath and letting it out in a long sigh. "That seeing her like that is better than never seeing her again at all." She fishes around in her coat pocket for some fish. She has started keeping some on-hand thanks to the bakeneko, so offers a tunafish sandwich to Luna if she wants some. "It is surprisingly good," she assures the Moon Cat. "You deserve it for your win!"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"Then... I hope she's not gone, Himeko-chan. Because even if she's become someone we have to stop... as long as you want to see her, I hope you can."

No matter what else she is, no matter what else she does, she's Himeko's mama. Usagi certainly hadn't liked her, but Usagi had taken no pleasure in having to fight her friend's mother.

Luna isn't entirely sure what to say. Not in this moment, not to this - is it grief? She doesn't know. "If a ghost is a wish, then it would be wonderful for every wish to be a happy one."

Not because happiness was the only thing that mattered - but because if one was made to wander, could not they at least be happy?

"I couldn't eat all of that, but if you would like to share it with me, I would be very grateful." Split the sandwich with a cat! 80-20, with 20 to Luna, and 80 to the littlest ghost who could.

Pyrite has posed:
    Himeko nods to the well-wishes and comforting words. Honestly, just being seen and heard and spoken to is still such a novelty that she enjoys any attention she gets. She breaks up the sandwich and distributes it, then turns to Usagi. "Would you like the rest of it? It would do you more good than me." She holds out the 80-percent of the tuna sandwich.
    She looks out at the ducks. She thought maybe they would like some sandwich too, but they appear to be staying away. Whether because of the cat or the specter... But maybe they will come over when they realize there is food? ...Do ducks eat fish or mayonnaise?
    "What about you two?" she asks. "What are your wishes you would have granted by the Silver Crystal?"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"Yes," Usagi says immediately, because she is a girl of much stomach and many hungers, and she has very little in the way of shame, in the long-run of things. She accepts the sandiwch happily as takes a bite - it's good! Classic tuna mix flavor on good fluffy bread. "Thank you, Himeko-chan!"

The ducks are swimming in the pond, or rather, just floating atop, some lazily dipping their beaks below the water, others just watching cat-girl-and-ghost with wary interest. They are hungry critters, of course, but they are just as wary of humans as they are totally willing to steal.

Usagi solves part of their dilemna by chucking chunks of tuna sandwich their way - soon, quacks sound, and the ducks are investigating the dropped sandwich.

Luna sniffs, and climbs her way up the back of Usagi's pants and shirt, until she can perch haughtily on her shoulder. "I don't have one. The Silver Crystal is for the Princess, not me."

"I don't really have one either," Usagi admits, "I don't need a miracle, except for helping you and Mamochan.'

Pyrite has posed:
    The ghost smiles as she makes her companions happy. Even if it's just a sandwich. Then she looks out at the ducks as they start to quack and grow closer. Himeko made a heart in this body, but obviously it's not the same as the real thing. Even so, it starts beating and speeds up quickly with excitement. And fear. "Mamoru wants to use it too. I bet you don't want him to, huh, Luna?"
    She is quiet for a moment, then asks, "May I ask how much he told you about me?"
    She doesn't want to bring up certain things if nobody knows about them. But there are others she feels are important. "That is very vague, I know... Um..." She drums her hands on her thighs as she kneels there on the grass, idly moving around to stimulate thought. "...My memory is very... Broken. And what is not broken is 'polluted'. I am not sure what parts of what I think and feel and remember are real and what are fictions contrived by a not-sane mind."
    She looks down at her hands as they stop moving. "I really hope... That I don't hurt anyone else. Duck, cat, human, ghost... I don't want to be that anymore. But if I don't keep making progress forwards, all of this will eventually go away. I will backslide into what I was at the start, and it will be like everything that happened so far was just a dream. And even that dream will disappear eventually."
    She shakes her head as the image of her hands trying to pet a duck floating in a puddle leads to the duck struggling, weakening, flapping around but not being able to get into the air, and then slowly, slowly stopping its movements completely--
    "Do you think the Princess is the type of person who would not grant wishes to those in need?" It may seem like a shift in topic, but it is very much not.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"It's our princess' choice how she'll see the crystal used," Luna says simply, because it isn't about her. She doesn't - distrust Mamoru. It's more that she can see that he is most certainly not entirely trustworthy. And while she doesn't think he would use the crystal for anything wrong -

It's better not to have both of them convinced of his goodness.

"You're his sister," Usagi says simply, "And you died. And he found you, and he wants to help, the best he can. Also, part of you wants to be the god of the dead."

And given her mother's influence... maybe she knows which part that is, or at least, why that part had the idea. Usagi can't really relate to, or fully understand, what Himeko is saying, what she's experienced - the idea of her memories being broken or twisted is a scary one though, and her heart twinges in sympathy.

Luna considers Himeko for a moment, weighing her words and her memories carefully. "The princess was always a kind, and sweet girl. But there many people in need and she will only ever be one person. Even one with as much power as she will possess, is still only able to do what they can; there are always those in need."

Pyrite has posed:
    Himeko frowns. She turns to look at Usagi directly. "There should only be two parts of me now. The one out here, and the one in the Shrine. The Princess of Light. I'm her Dark reflection, only I am no longer quite so Dark. I don't believe I can even use Dark Energy anymore." She holds up a hand and waves it around as though that would prove something. "This body is made from psychic material called 'psychoplasm'. Nephrite can make it too. Actually, maybe all of those four can... I am unsure about Mamoru though."
    Still frowning, Himeko thinks over things. What she knows, or believes she knows. She searches for anything amiss, anything at all that could be hiding itself from her.
    Eventually, all she can do is shake her head. "No. There is no part of my trying to become the God of the Dead or of Death. I will not say there cannot be an element of my psyche that would desire that, in much the same way I am sure there is some element of your own psyche that would take pleasure in hurting someone... But it is such a tiny, powerless piece of who you are that it is not worth acknowledging. It is just part of being human. We have dark impulses that do not necessarily line up with our own professed morals and values."
    She shrugs as she starts to get up and brush the grass from her skirt. "I don't know what I am going to wind up as, or what I wish to be. But right now, I am trying to just become me. Himeko. I don't think I really need to be anything else. Maybe my mother disagrees, but I will confront that when the time comes." Taking one last look out over the cold pond, at the ducks nomming on tuna-fish-laden bread, soggy with pond water.
    "I am going to refrain from touching them until I have a true, living body. I don't want to repeat my mistakes. And if I am somehow the Princess that we are all seeking, then it would be wrong to risk hurting more animals just for my own selfish desire to feel something."
    She closes her red eyes, takes in a breath, and lets it out. Then she's smiling again. "I should get back into character, huh? Everyone will be expecting me to be the Himeko they know. Imouto to Mamoru-Onii-san. Friend to Usagi-san and Luna-sensei." She clenches her fists in front of herself and says, "Yosh! I will be me, until I am somebody else!"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"Maybe that was all your mama, then," Usagi says, humming thoughtfully, "And it just made sense that maybe it was part of you, because you're the ghost we know. But she's out there, and she had a youkai's body, so..."

So maybe it was always her, and not Himeko. Maybe she wantede to make herself a god of the dead, or maybe she wanted her daughter to be one, or maybe both of them? It was hard to say. Hard to know.

"The Princess of Light," Luna muses, remembering Rei's convictions. Her claws tap at Usagi's shoulders, and Usagi in turn frowns a little more.

"It's probably good you can't use Dark Energy anymore, since that stuff can really mess you up, but... psychoplasm... that must be what Nephrite used to make that stupid chair. I don't think Mamochan does stuff like that - or if he does, he's been holding out on me." It's lighthearted, that little complaint.

"If we can... maybe we should check out your shrine. Try and see if we can meet her - the princess of light. But until then... you don't have to be in character, you know? If you're feeling sad or complicated or something - you can tell us. The Himeko who is our friend and the Himeko who is Mamochan's sister and the Himeko who is you... they're all the same person." Head pat! "But when you've got a living body, we'll definitely come back, so you can try and pet the ducks."

Pyrite has posed:
    Himeko smiles at the head pat. Pushing her head into Usagi's hand like a cat. She is very cat-like, after all. Perhaps why she has such an affinity for them. "I would like that very much. She has been in there too long already. I have finally found people who can see me, and hear me, and talk to me, and hug me, and give me headpats. But she is still waiting alone. As soon as we can... I want her to join us too."
    She bounces on her heels a bit. "Making others happy makes me happy. If being silly little ghost makes people happy... Then I can be that for a little while longer, ne? But just like ducks, one day I will be able to give Luna-sensei pets properly. There is no cat I have ever met who does not like pets!"
    But she also understands what Usagi is saying. "I will also not hide my feelings. About chairs or anything else." Then she hurries forwards to hug Usagi in her poofy pink coat. "And I want to protect you. Just like he does. Onii-chan's connection with me goes both ways."
    A hand stretches to also give Luna scratches under her chin. "And you are very important too, Luna-sensei. I look forward to all you can teach me."
    She is envisioning Luna as a tutor to a princess, in a little professor's coat, sitting on a stool, using a pointer stick to show things on a chalkboard.
    That would be great.