1521/Continuing lessons

Continuing lessons
Date of Scene:	11 May 2024
Location:	Obsidian Tower
Synopsis:	Sunbreaker has another lesson with Catra and, in the process... learns a lot more about what her relationship with Adora truly meant. And what the Force Commander was asked to give up.
Cast of Characters:	Catra, Hinoiri Kirara

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Catra has posed:
Most people think that laziness just means never accomplishing anything. This is not true. Laziness is accomplishing your goals with as little effort as possible.

Catra is lazy.

Catra also wants to learn magic, and really, really wants to accomplish this goal. Since she began, she's had no illusions, however; it is going to be difficult, and take a lot of effort, and slacking her way through it isn't going to be an option. And, so, she's committing herself to it quite fully, and has been pushing herself to achieve her goal on a daily basis. She's just being lazy enough to compensate in all other areas; like food prep, for example, as the empty fast-food containers littered around the room she's picked to practice in can attest. The room is otherwise unfurnished, but for a mat to sit on in the middle, underneath the single dim lightbulb. Upon that mat Catra sits cross-legged, with a cardboard box half full of very cold noodles sitting ignored beside her.

The feline is very focused on the space between her hands; between which, a single point of light is periodically blinking in and out of existence. It's a little point of light, small but piercingly bright when it's there. Which, as it happens, is not exactly most of the time, but it's been closer to being stable than she's achieved since Sunbreaker's first lesson.

That doesn't mean she isn't frustrated, mind you, given away by the clenching of her jaw and flattened ears.

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Sunbreaker pushed open the room, an annoyed look on her face, the fires around her flared up and, in that moment? This was likely the kind of mood Catra had been familiar with, growin up. Sure, it had been from a... trying couple of days for her. And more than anything she was getting frustrated, trying to figure out where her place was and all she wanted to do was--

And then she looked up and Catra could see it, that angry glint in the eyes, the voice that was about to lash out...

Except there was something there that Shadoweaver had never done. Well... never done when Catra didn't have Adora besides her... She stopped, bit it back, and instead sighed. "Hey, Catra. Practicing?" she asked, reaching up a hand to rub the back of her head. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt, go ahead. Just needed to... sit for a minute."

She then blinked, glancing at the empty food containers. How... long had she been here?

Catra has posed:
The little point of light winks out, and Catra sighs, letting the tension exit her body through her lungs. Her shoulders slump, and she brushes her fingers through her hair. And, she abruptly realizes her crown (of a sort) is sitting on the floor beside her, so she picks it up and puts it back on without any particular degree of ceremony.

"Yeah," she replies, "It's..." She pauses, and shrugs. Not much point in lieing or claiming to be better than she is at this point, since Sunbreaker literally just walked in. "It's hard," she admits. "But I'm getting there. Just need time." She sits up straighter, and stretches her arms over her head. "Don't worry about the fast food," she adds, "That's... not all mine. I'm not the only person who uses this room I guess."

The feline regards Sunbreaker with a quirked eyebrow, as she mulls over her bearing. "So what's up? Anyone you need clawed to ribbons, or otherwise taught a lesson?"

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Sunbreaker sighed and took a seat. "That's fine. While I'd normally comment on how you're behind... the fact of the matter is? You've never had magic before. If you were a unicorn and knew the basics, you'd be really far behind. But on the basis of a child unicorn, still learning? It can take them months before they can get sparks working properly. Years, in some cases. In a lot of ways it's like working brand new muscles you'd never had before." Pause. "It can suck. I remember when I first started school... heh... They thought I got it in one..."

"But none of them realized I was probably the biggest failure in my class. I'd spend hours every day just practicing things ahead of schedule, reading ahead, learning what spells we were GOING to learn, and then figuring them out on my own. So when we learned them and all the other students were bucking it up? I had already failed the spell a thousand times and had it perfect."

"A failure only counts if you didn't learn anything from it. Eventually you'll get it and then, after that? Nobody can ever take the success away from you."

She leaned back in the chair and sighed. "As for me... I... don't know. There's this one guy, Kingu. I want to hurt him... so much. But I think I might kill him if I try... he almost killed Double Trouble. He thought they were me. But... now? I'm torn. I wanna rip him apart, but they're okay. But... they shouldn't have gone through this to begin with. I... should have been there with them, you know? I'm supposed to protect them. I told them I'd protect them. And... when... they needed my protection..."

"... I wasn't there. I was studying. For a test. I could have lost them and I was wasting my time on a test and I feel like the worst person in the world now and I'm just so *angry* I want to rip that bastard's *skin off* and make him CHOKE ON IT!" The fires around her flared for a moment before she, barely, got them under control.

"So, how was your day?"

Catra has posed:
"Yeah I know what that's like," Catra mutters, just as Sunbreaker is finishing her explanation of what happened with Double Trouble and Kingu. For a moment her ears flatten, and she looks sideways at the wall, so only her yellow eye is visible to Sunbreaker, gleaming in the light as cats eyes do when it's dim.

But then she focuses her mismatched gaze forwards once more. "I think you'd be justified in feeding him his own skin," she muses. "Let me know if you want help. Or just, y'know, backup." The near loss of control doesn't seem to phase her, likely owing to it not being in any way unfamiliar. There's certainly claw marks here and there in both the building and the city that can attest to that. "So, Double Trouble's okay? That's good, at least. Bet you won't make that mistake again, right?"

The feline shrugs her shoulders, and gestures towards the room around her in a sweeping motion. "Spent most of my day in here," she admits, "To answer your question. I was practicing in an abandoned dojo, but someone... found it, and tried to talk me out of learning dark magic, so whatever. I'll just practice here." She holds up her hands in front of her again, but looks up instead of making another attempt.

"I'm not a Unicorn," she points, "I'm a cat. From a planet where not everyone gets magic, and I was never supposed to, so... the fact that I can do anything? Is amazing. And I'll get there." She concentrates, forming the spark once more, and maintaining it for a few seconds before it winks out again. "Pity I can't get the Black Garnet," she muses. "Shadow Weaver used it for her magic. Maybe I could've done the same if it was here."

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Sunbreaker shook her head. "Maybe. I don't know. It's not... it doesn't entirely feel like me. Killing... isn't my... thing. But when I saw Double Trouble there, lying on the ground... her blood and... and... I would have... given anything to fix it. I would have stopped this. All of this. My ascension... everything... just to keep them safe..."

She then leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. "But... I did just spend two weeks in some kind of time bubble thing of Director Beryl's. I got to watch war. Real, actual war. People dying. Incinerating each other. It's... one thing to hear about it. But to see it? To see them screaming and bloody and violence and... and to just know that someone else did that? Someone else WANTS that? To watch a whole world burn? Not even a like... a decision made in the moment. Not some mistake. Not because they're angry or hurt or even scared..."

"They just want to see other people suffer and..." She wrapped her arms around herself. "Maybe it's the pony in me. Maybe I'm just... weak. It's made me wonder, I guess. Do... I deserve ascension? If Double Trouble means more to me than everything else, then.... how important is it, really, you know?"

"... And you probably think I sound pretty pathetic right now, huh? Ugh... right. And of course they want to talk you out of dark magic. Dark magic is awful, terrible, nasty stuff. But it's not like people like you or me have much choice, do we? We don't get actual power from some stupid sword. No. We have to use dark energy to do it. Otherwise... otherwise we'd be..."

She shuddered. "If not for dark energy I'd be useless. Powerless. Of course they'd want me to not need it... then they could spend all day protecting the pathetic little mage. Because you know what happens to the greatest mage in two worlds when she can't use magic? Nothing. Because they become utterly bucking useless."

"... Sorry. I'm... just... I'm on edge. I managed to get it under control but the dark energy is just... it's so *strong* after that. I almost lost control entirely a few times. Tell me about this... black garnet. Is it anything like that weird pink paperweight that murdered Takashi's old desk?"

Catra has posed:
Catra is quiet the whole time Sunbreaker is speaking, and listens to what she's got to say without interuption. Her ears are even perked up, showing that she's being attentive, and not just pretending to listen while she's thinking about something else (which is not an uncommon thing for her to do, in fairness).

"Pathetic? Maybe. I guess it depends on who you're asking." She shrugs her shoulders. "You've got your priorities, and it sounds like you're trying to work out which one is on the top. I wouldn't call that pathetic, I'd call it..." she trails off, visibly searching for the right word, just one, to convey what she's thinking.

"Okay so I don't have just one snappy word. But like, you have an opportunity to decide what things or... people or whatever really matters to you, and of those, which matters the *most*. Seriously, who cares if you 'deserve' ascension? I think what matters is, are you strong enough for it? According to Shadow Weaver I deserved nothing, and I still managed to replace her as Hordak's second in command."

The cat wrinkles her nose. "And yeah, war is ugly. It's a lot of fighting and destroying things, and deciding which of your troops you're okay with not coming back so you can destroy something that belongs to the enemy."

"And I'd know," Catra continues, "'Cause I was raised to fight in one, by a horrible old witch who treated me like yesterday's trash just 'cause I wasn't..." she stops, and bites her bottom lip. "Well, because I reminded her of herself, was what she told me. Or at least all the parts of herself that she didn't like. Why that was my fault when I was four years old, I'm never going to understand."

"The Black Garnet was a runestone like Sparkles' big pink offense against the eyeballs, yeah. Except it was red, which totally doesn't fit with it being called the 'Black' Garnet, but whatever. Shadow Weaver attuned herself to it even though she wasn't a princess. But, yeah, it's a great big rock that acts like a well for magic, I guess. I dunno exactly how it works."

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Sunbreaker gave a light snort. "This Shadowweaver sounds like an idiot. She probably just saw that you were the kind of person who wouldn't put up with her bullshit, so she wanted to break you down so you'd never threaten her. Considering you dethroned her? Seems she was right to fear you. Should have done it differently."

"... It's lonely at the top," she finally said. "No matter how high I rise... ascension is the peak. And after that, there's just Sora. But... a part of me is... starting to see what she meant when she said I needed friends. I never... I've been hurt, nearly killed, but... it hurt... in a way I never expected... seeing them like that... in a way I didn't think possible. and...."

"I... don't want any of you to ever be like that. You... Takashi... Especially not Double Trouble... Not even some of the sparkles, how lame is that?" she asked before sighing. "Sora, I feel like such a foal. Here I am on the verge of my ascension, on everything I ever wanted, and I'm worried about who is going to end up hurt."

"... If I ascend? Our wars aren't like that. We have a goddess, more or less, protecting us. If there's a threat, SHE fights them. We have an army, but they don't... really do much fighting. They can, and sometimes do skirmishes. But they're not supposed to. But that? I just..." She reached up and wiped her eyes.

"Fucking dark energy just messes with your moods SO MUCH. I can't even get my balance now, it keeps trying to fill me with rage and sadness and just... ugh. I have half a mind to get myself purified so I can bucking think straight," Sunbreaker snapped.

"... I have bucking friends now. I have people I care about and who care about me and I just don't know what to do about it. I think I'm finally starting to get how you felt, Catra. After what I felt... with Double Trouble? I think... if they betrayed me? I think I'd want to hurt them too."

"... As for it being called the... black garnet... probably the magic was red, but when inert it was black. Or the opposite. People are stupid. As for Shadowweaver... I'm willing to bet she was pathetic. This black garnet was probably easy to attune to if you knew how, but she made it sound harder than it was so people wouldn't realize how pathetic she was. Maybe you could attune to the pink one, if you knew anyone who had. Maybe ask Takashi, he's good with... well, magic stuff, like me."

Catra has posed:
Catra shrugs, "Other people tried to attune to the Black Garnet, but Shadow Weaver is the only one who ever managed it. She *was* a powerful sorcerer. She didn't get to be Hordak's second in command all those years for nothing. I--" Catra stops, and bites her bottom lip. "I beat her because after years of her taking it all out on me, I learned her patterns and worked out how to predict her, so when it was time to defeat her she'd taught me *exactly* how to fight her. And then it was easy."

The feline shakes her head, "We never had a god or anything to do our fighting for us, we had to do it ourselves. Battlefields are violent and chaotic, but... if you know what you're doing, you can make them work for you. Make the enemy go where you want, so your forces can kill them. Identify the best spots to defend, then take them and refuse to move from them. Know when your enemy is trying to bait you and refuse to take it. Know when you need to accept some losses for a greater victory."

Catra sighs, and looks down at the palms of her hands. "Getting purified, though... I mean you do what you think is best, but for me? I'm not doing that. I don't care about that stuff, and it's not like I *don't* have, well, the feelings that I have. I might as well use them to get stronger. Especially if I don't want to end up... y'know."

"I doubt I could attune to Sparkles' runestone," she adds, "It's... I mean I dunno, it's hers for one thing, I'm not sure if they can handle more than one person at a time, so I'd have to arrange to murder her first, and that goes against my rules. And I'm pretty sure manipulating her into attacking me so it wouldn't be against my rules, would be against that rule in spirit, so that's... pretty much out. I'll stick with the dark magic and I'll get there, and then I'll stuff miss teleportation in her place."

Catra rests her elbows on her knees, and purses her lips. "Getting betrayed isn't fun," she mumbles. "I think we both get that. ...So... if you decide not to ascend, what would you do?"

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Sunbreaker nodded. "Really? Huh. Interesting. And... that's good. You learn, adapt. Happy we're allies, then. I do the same... find out where someone's weakest, beat them at their own game. It's... fun. To just... utterly conquer someone because they bucked up and didn't realize you led them into their downfall until it was too late."

The more that Catra talked about it, the more that Sunbreaker looked... upset by it. "We... also don't do that. The... killing. It happens rarely. There are some powerful spirits that have been sealed in stone, to one day be released when they can be better contained. But... it's a very... capture, then help them adapt to a better life style. Some... of the other countries, I think, look down on us for it. Call us weak. But well... when your ruler literally lifts the sun into the skies it's harder to argue."

She sighed. "And... if I got purified... it'd only be for a bit. I've done it before. It... clears my head. All of the negative emotions, the dark energy has a way of... empowering them. Making them stronger. Sometimes I need to start fresh. Not... now. But maybe soon..."

"But yeah. Killing someone to take their power... things like that? Tend to not work well. It sets a precedent. Then someone kills you to take your power, someone kills them... and you always assume nobody can, but if you can do it once, someone else can as well..." She got to her feet and stretched out. "If... I didn't ascend? If... I couldn't? I don't know. For me to give up ascension..."

She closed her eyes and thought about it for a moment, before glancing to Catra. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she saw her. "Oh... To... give up ascension... I'd have to give up the only home I ever knew. The only life I'd ever had. Everything. I'd have to let it all go... I guess... I guess I'm just lucky... that Double Trouble would never ask me to do that." She then shrugged. "But I'm... probably just being overly emotional. Its been a rough week. After I burn off some of this energy and take a like... three day nap, maybe I'll be better." She paused and started towards the door, only to stop suddenly. She then turned and promptly just... hugged Catra.

"I'm sorry. That girl was a bigger bitch than I ever thought. You deserved so much more. And I know you'll figure out dark energy and you'll be an incredible mage. Because you're a survivor. A fighter. And... just... no matter what happens? I'll always believe in you. I promise." She then pulled back and turned towards the door, planning to head out from the room. "Good luck with your practice."

Catra has posed:
Catra has, as it turns out, never actually killed anyone. not in the direct, shove a knife through their heart kind of sense, at least; maybe in the I pulled a lever and deleted a planet sort of way, at least to her mind. But even to herself it's becoming harder and harder to maintain that narrative. Maybe Adora's right. Maybe Etheria is still there. Maybe it's okay, and she isn't quite as bad of a person as she thinks she is.

It's not like she's ever really wanted to kill anyone. Maybe that's why she was always so bad at it. She just wants to feel safe, and she wants to be powerful enough to be safe, which means she needs to be able to beat everyone she can't ingratiate herself to, which means she needs to be the big bad villain, and she's a bad person so it has to be that.

Sunbreaker is talking about it, about the war and the killing and what they do where she's from, and Catra is listening. Well, mostly, she's also dwelling a bit, and maybe it's obvious or maybe it isn't. The cat does do a pretty good poker face, even if sometimes her tail gives the game away. And, she's just working out in her brain what it all means and what she should think about it, when abruptly she's being hugged.

It's not a hug she returns, but coming from Catra that almost counts. She just stands there in surprise, letting it happen; letting this other person wrap their arms around her, mustles tensed and breath held.

"I... thanks," she mumbles, as Hinoiri leaves the room. "I'll keep working on it," she adds, feeling silly as she says it.

But then, she's alone again.

Catra sits back down where she was, and holds her hands up, concentrating on the space between her palms. She sucks in a breath and holds it, willing for there to be a spark; something flashy. Something desctructive. Something she can use to make people properly afraid of her, if she can snap her fingers and light them on fire that would do. Or jolt them with lightning. Or something. Anything. Instead she gets nothing.

Her crown is snatched and hurled against the far wall, in an abrupt display of overflowed frustration, accompanied by a loud wail of the same. She grabs the half-full box of cold noodles and hurls it after her crown, the contents flying out on the way; and for a moment, just as the cardboard hits the wall, the room changes. For a moment, it looks like a certain dorm room in the Fright Zone.

"What... was that," Catra whispers, her emotions draining away once more, leaving her sitting in the middle of the room, breathing quietly.

Did she do that?