2115/Please Don't Tell Madoka

Please Don't Tell Madoka
Date of Scene:	28 November 2024
Location:	Dorms #1
Synopsis:	Kamiko confronts Hinoiri about what she was doing with the towers. What she finds is Hinoiri in mourning because she's lost her dream and her Heart's Egg. Kamiko tries to comfort her but she's absolutely terrible at being a goddess so it has mixed results. Also: time loops bad. Don't do them!
Cast of Characters:	Hinoiri Kirara, Madoka Kaname

---

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Hinoiri Kirara was still crying. A lot. Curled up on their couch, the daytime soaps were on. Her Geode was around her neck, at least. And a box of tissues. She'd actually skipped class today, something she rarely did unless there was something big she was working on.

Except now she was watching daytime television. Double Trouble wouldn't be home for a while. Their date night had helped, but she was still feeling pretty miserable.

The window was open, just a crack, because it was a decently nice day outside. Good time to get some fresh air, at least.

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Kamiko was grumpy and mad, which is actually a familiar mood for her, but it's different now that she doesn't have the low level ache that she always felt during her time as Gretchen. She also noticed that Hinoiri wasn't in class today, which is actually really weird considering what an overachiever she was. The idea that she would do literally anything to compromise her grades was on some level shocking and concerning.

    However much Kamiko may have changed post purification, she still considers Hinoiri to be a friend, and is still concerned enough to check up on her after The Tower Incident. So the tiny little goddess floats up to the cracked open window and, even though she could easily fit within that tiny gap, she taps her tiny fists on the window frame to announce her presence and calls out, "Is it okay to come in? I wanna talk about what happened..."

    Her eyes go to the television, then the box of tissues. Has... Hinoiri been crying?

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Hinoiri Kirara sniffled and grabbed a tissue, blowing her nose and... and then there was a voice? She glanced over and...

"Oh. Ohhhh no. "O-oh, G-Gretchen," Hinoiri said, before shaking her head. "No... it's... it's not Gretchen n-now is it? Right... you were going to c-come ask about the towers, r-right? I... I'm sorry, there's just been so much going on that I didn't get any..." She then stopped, and then gave another soft sob.

"Oh, what's the point? It's all useless, anyway. I-I can't be good. I can't even... I can't do anything r-right. I-I'm not a h-hero, am I? I'm just the... the villain..." She hugged the pillow to her chest.

"I... I was t-trying to... r-reduce the d-damage from my towers. A-a-apparently p-people have been... been toying w-wtih them a-and... and I got... I got E-Ember to agree to, agree to h-help me... tone it d-down. I-I had to run her t-through the process to, to reduce the d-drain, but... but I-I hought it'd help... b-but it's not really helping, i-is it? It's just m-making things worse... i-isn't it? It's just..."

"Impossible... I can't... be good..."

That sunken look in her eye, to a chara bearer, might seem oddly familiar.

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Kamiko might be fundamentally different from Gretchen in a number of ways, but she still has a very similar disapproving frown. When she sees Hinoiri's state, her expression softens and she slips through the open part of the window.

    "I don't mind being called Gretchen, but it doesn't reflect who I am anymore. I'm not a Witch."

    Kamiko might be a Chara who primarily hunts Witches, but she's also still a Chara and can tell when weird X-Egg stuff is happening. Especially when she's had so much experience being one. She crosses her arms and hears out Hinoiri's explanation, and while she raises an eyebrow at certain points she does kinda take what the weeping girl says at face value. At the very least, it seems like the truth as seen through a Hinoiri-tinted filter, rather than an outright lie.

    "Alright. I see. So you were modifying the tower, and... I guess that involved keeping us off of it for some reason?" Then she thinks about it and says, "Oh! You need dark energy to access those, right? So you needed the cooperation of someone who uses it." After a pause, she says, "I guess that's no longer something I could help with, now that I think about it."

    The tiny pink haired and white clad fairy hovers over to the back of the couch and settles down, sitting on her knees and letting her overly long dress splay out with a puff. Her tiny hands rest in her lap as she looks at Hinoiri.

    "It seems I've interrupted you having another problem. Notably, you seem to be missing something important." Kamiko's own Heart's Egg appears beside her, also resting on the back of the couch. "What happened?"

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Hinoiri Kirara took another tissue, blowing into it, before reaching for the remote to mute the television. "D-Dora and, and Saran are having a-another fight, so it's not important. Ummmm... yeah. Just... long enough for Ember to alter it. It's... well. T-the people in O-obsidian c-can't... can't use g-gemstone magic like me. B-but I can't use dark energy, s-so I can't d-disable them. But I got... well... t-technically E-ember asked me how she could m-make the ones she used less d-dangerous... s-since they were s-supposed to drain f-from the leylines, n-not from people. Sniffle..." And she blew on another tissue.

"... A-as for this... p-payback... I... I hurt... L-La Crima... w-when she... when she k-kidnapped m-me a while back a-and... and t-then I got... o-outed... t-to everyone. I... I wanted t-to hur her. I-I wanted p-payback... so... so I found the only thing... thing that b-brought her joy... a-and d-destroyed it..." she whispered, hugging the pillows tighter.

"I-I made her life e-even worse... b-because I was m-mad... n-now... now even R-Riventon hates me... U-Utau h-hates me and s-stole my h-heart egg and... and I-I'm a monster w-who can't even g-go home b-because I probably b-broke the portal w-when I went all evil! A-and for some reason I-I thought I c-could be a g-good person like, like S-Sharpsong or S-Sailor Moon or-or Hope?"

"Buck, I hate this. Is this w-what losing a h-heartegg f-feels like? T-this is miserable! I hate everything a-about it!"

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Kamiko glances towards the television as its muted. It's not one of the soaps she follows, so she doesn't really have context. Tomohisa usually has gardening or interior decorating shows on, if anything at all. As for Kamiko herself... she tends to watch anime instead of dramas.

    The small goddess crosses her arms and thinks as she listens. She feels like she's vaguely aware of this drama but not completely. "Right, okay. So you and N-- LaCrima have the mads at each other, and now Easter's idol is getting involved in it by stealing your Heart's Egg." After a moment's consideration; she frowns, sighs and shakes her head.

    "When you go on a quest for revenge, dig two graves. This kind of thing has a way of cycling and recurring over and over. Also, isn't LaCrima the one who was cursed with the perma-sads and can't feel joy anymore? I feel like that's taking things a bit far. That's like stealing food from a starving person."

    The Guardian Chara places her hands on her hips and leans forward, saying, "That said, that doesn't mean you shouldn't stop trying to do better! I know you're probably only saying that stuff because your Heart's Egg was stolen, but you probably aren't going to get it back until you regain hope in your dream. Wanting to be a good person is a starting point, but you need to work at it, try to understand people, have more compassion and consideration for those other than yourself, and have a fundamental desire to make the world better. For everyone, not just yourself."

    With a bemused smile, she adds, "I'm kinda surprised you'd put Hope-chan on that list, though. I didn't think you saw her that way. You always seemed like you looked down on her, but maybe some of that was just the dark energy talking."

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
"I was REALLY angry at the time!" Hinoiri whined, giving another sniffle. "I just.. I just wanted to hurt her so much. I wanted to destroy her. And... and so I went after the one thing that brought her joy. Donuts. I gave her some from Kirakirafantastica..."

"... You can't get those here. I know it was... t-terrible. I know it was cruel. But I was so mad a-and I had dark energy... but... they were... too good... they ummm... kind of... cured her... condition for a few minutes..."

"... But you can't get donuts like that here. T-the worlds aren't the same. And the portal has been closed ever since... I've tried to apologize but... I'm not s-sure how... I'm not even sure there's a point. I don't even know if I'd mean it... what if... I really am just a monster?"

"... Of course I think... Hope-chan is one of those. I don't... agree with all of her methods... and I'm still really annoyed at how much she overdid it... but... she's like Sayaka. She burns herself out to help others. She... does whatever she needs to, to protect people. She's not like me... she makes the right choices..."

"Also, she has a good right hand, girl can slap like a third year who just got her disertation called a cheap knockoff..." Hinoiri reached up to rub her cheek. "I can respect that. I..."

"... I just keep messing up," she whispered. "I keep trying to d-do the right thing... and then it all goes wrong. I end up causing more problems. I don't... understand any of those things. Kindness. Compassion. Loyalty. They're... the only lessons I failed back home n-no matter how much I tried... No wonder I was banished..." she muttered, collapsing to her side.

"D-Dee's trying to help but... but how long until I cause them more trouble, too? M-Maybe I should have j-just stayed a villain, if I-I'm going to buck it all up, at least that way I can f-fail to destroy the world, r-rather than trying to help it and accidentally destroying it...."

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    "So you gave her a taste of joy," considers Kamiko. "Joy that she'd never have again. Probably not ever." So Norie likes donuts. Did Kamiko know that before? Well, she does now. This information might become useful at some point.

    The tiny fairy listens to the rest of what she says, patiently and with a certain amount of concern. Despite still being somewhat kid-brained, Kamiko still somewhat sees herself as playing the (allegedly) wise goddess and that sometimes means listening to the earnest petitions of one's heart. It's not the same kind of psychology that Amu would likely do if she were around, but she's not around.

    "Madoka-chan has a dream and she follows it. More than that, she has a mentor figure in the form of her mother. Junko Kaname has a fierceness that makes her dangerous, and that's part of why her family lives in such a nice house. That's part of why Madoka can't really be underestimated. She's a softy who doesn't really want to hurt anyone, but she's been told from birth that there are times when you simply need to Solve a Problem."

    Kamiko shakes her head and says, "I don't think you're intrinsically a monster. I think you have hang-ups because the way you try to resolve difficult situations is forceful and doesn't always work. If you want to be good, then giving up and being bad instead is never going to fix anything because it's never going to make you happy."

    Flipping her hand back and forth, she says, "Besides. If no one comes from the future to warn you not to do something, then you probably aren't actually going to break the world."

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Hinoiri Kirara cringed and gave a small nod. "Uh huh... I know... I... I know it was wrong. Terrible. M-monstrous," she mumbled softly. "And... really? She... does? Heh..." She hugged the pillow. "I... don't really have a mentor figure anymore. It used to be Sora... but well... that disappeared. I guess... I kind of followd Fuyuko for a bit... but that was more just... I don't even know. I barely talk to her now. I don't really... have any aside from all of you girls now."

Then, slowly, she glanced towards Kamiko. "... Listen. The last thing any of us need is me tampering with time magic. I did it like... once. Okay, twice. And that's just... no. I'm never touching time magic again. That's how you end up like, trying to undo..." She paused. Then looked thoughtful. "Actually... wait... tampering with time magic... maybe... if I could undo some of my past mistakes..."

She reached out and grabbed a pen and notepad, starting to write and... oh dear. Kamiko may want to nip that in the bud real quick.

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Kamiko shrugs. "I mean I don't have any room to talk when it comes to making mistakes. I was trying to replace the world with my own, and while it seemed like a really good idea at the time I don't really think it would've made anyone truly happy in the long run."

    So... Hinoiri doesn't really have a mentor figure right now. Technically she had Sora but... that connection apparently just wasn't there in the way that she thought. "Having friends and teachers isn't quite the same as having a parent. Madoka-chan is a kind person but I don't know if she has the experience needed to be a role model."

    At the mention of Time Magic and Hinoiri messing with it, Kamiko's eyes go wide for a moment, the narrow as she frowns. She floats over to the notepad and places one hand on it, looking up at Hinoiri and shaking her head. "Look, I get it. I get exactly what you're trying to do. Messing with time magic, especially when it comes to fixing one's own mistakes, is a very quick and efficient way to wind up in an unending time loop where you keep living through the same time period over and over, trying to get something right that just can't be made right. You'll end up seeing things that never happened, form friendships that eventually get forgotten. You might even be forced to see your friends die over and over again. They might not even be your friends after you see some of their darker sides, and they wont even understand why you don't like them anymore."

    She wags a finger at Hinoiri and says, "Tell me you won't do this. Promise me you won't mess with Time Magic. You have no idea what you'd be getting yourself into."

    Kamiko is worried now, but she's also long ago accepted that Hinoiri does what she wants and that she can't really stop her from making even more mistakes. Still, maybe this time, she'll heed the warning.

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Hinoiri Kirara gave a soft sigh and shook her head. "I wouldn't know. I've never had a parent. Never had friends until I came to this world. The only thing I only had was... a teacher. Sora. And even that I was just a stepping stone, not a... I didn't think it was that different. I guess I was wrong. Maybe... a parent is just... important. Heh. A lot of the best magical girls I knows have parents. Rashmi, Usagi, Madoka, Sayaka," she mumbled. "Maybe... that's where I went wrong..."

Slowly, she put the notepad down. "You're... right. Probably. Even... even if I can't be a hero... making everything worse... doing a time loop... undoing what I did as Sunbreaker and Sunset of Sora wouldn't really fix things. I'd have still made those mistakes. And even if they were bad for me... maybe they were important in the end. Maybe... they did some good. In some way. Who knows? Sayaka is Cure Sharpsong now. Not to mention how strong all of the other girls are. You... got help. Maybe if I hadn't been such a pain, if I hadn't had to be saved... maybe things might not have turned out the way they did... Even if I could undo everything, I might make things worse... sometimes... they were really tight there."

"So I promise, I won't go tampering with time magic to undo my mistakes. No matter what."

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Kamiko listens, taps her cheek thoughtfully, and considers Hinoiri's words. "Well... I do think that family matters, and I'm not going to no-sell Madoka-chan's parents because she won the lottery on them. However, just because you have a disadvantage and you aren't as privileged as everyone else, that doesn't mean it's completely hopeless. The Hino-chan I know would just take that as a challenge! You aren't doomed to lose the race just because everyone else got a head start. You have people, here and now, who care about you. Even if a lot of us are also dummies who make big mistakes."

    After a pause, she does add, "Besides, there are a few mahou out there who have no parents who turned out okay. There's Ma--" Mami turned out to be a villain in this timeline, so bad example. "Er... I mean there's... H--" Homura actually has parents even if they aren't around. Someone's paying those medical bills after all. Besides, Homura probably isn't the best role model.

    Kamiko feels for a moment like she's just failed a skill check that she really should've passed.

    "I mean I can't think of any names but I'm sure it happens! A-anyways, yeah, don't mess with Time magic. Also, I have memories of other timelines so if someone messes with time then I'll know!" Er... probably. Does that work when someone other than Homura travels through time? Kamiko doesn't actually know. She's not quite as confident about that as she's trying to pretend.

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Hinoiri Kirara gave a small nod... and then... listened more. And oof. Ooooooof. Kamiko just... missed every skill check. And it showed. As Hinoiri sighed and rolled over onto her side. "I know," Hinoiri whispered. "I'm sure there's... someone... here... without parents... but... you know what?"

"Most the people in Obsidian... never had that. Parents. People who cared about them. Wanted them. It's... kind of the thing that bound all of us, at times. When we were unsure. I think... it's what broke some of us..."

"... Maybe that's just it. If you... don't know what it's like to be loved, how can you be expected to have love in your heart? To be good if you've never been good enough to be wanted from the get go?"

"... What if it's just a sign of us all being bad from the get go... unwanted... unneeded... chasing impossible dreams..."

"... So... if you were from other timelines... in how many of them did you know me? In how many of them... in any of them... was I good?"

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    Kamiko, despite failing so hard, is still trying. Shaking her head emphatically, she says, "That doesn't make you a monster. It just means that you can't share what you've never been given. A lot of people Obsidian are doing bad things, but we've also redeemed a few of them and could probably help even more. No one thinks that Mamo-kun is a bad guy, and we both know where he started. Working directly for Director Beryl."

    A pause, then she says, "I've never seen Hope-chan try to beat someone to death, but that woman was uniquely creepy."

    Mamoru was really the name she should have brought up like... a few minutes ago. "If he could come out of that a good person, I'm sure you can too."

    After a pause, she adds, "Besides... a lot of what we think of as 'objectively good' and 'objectively evil' is... often a matter of perspective. True evil and true good are both incredibly rare. The rest of us are mixed; limited by our perspectives, our experiences, and our ignorance. That's not something to feel bad about, it's just the nature of reality."

    On the timelines question, Kamiko blinks. She tries to think back. "I mean... my memory of them is... spotty, and they are technically Madoka's memories and not my own. She wasn't always magic-aware, and the only things that really stuck were the big trauma moments. I actually don't remember you from them much at all. Maybe in most of them you never went through the portal into our world?" She shrugs. "Sorry, but I don't really have an answer to that."

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Hinoiri Kirara gave a light snort. "Right, Hematite. Heh. Honestly, I don't think he was really into it. And it's something else to be mind controlled... versus having made the choice yourself. But.. you're not wrong. You girls have put so much time and effort into redeeming me..."

"... And no, Beryl was... a monster. She drew pleasure in burning the world down around her in her quest for power. That was all she ever cared about. All she wanted, no matter who she hurt."

She glanced over to Kamiko and slowly sat up, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Well... I guess.... maybe. Heh. Maybe in other timelines I wasn't banished. Or maybe... in those timelines I wasn't found by Riventon, and instead I ended up turning into a youma and you lot just wiped me out. I guess... there's not any good answer, is there? Heh... thanks... f-for the help... K-Kamiko. And... and I do mean it. I want... I do want to be better. I'm just... not... entirely sure how..." she whispered. "Every time I've tried, it felt like I took one step forward, just to trip and go flying back..." she mumbled.

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    The tiny goddess fairy looks at Hinoiri with concern. She doesn't really feel like she's gotten through, but at least she has an idea of what's up. Kamiko floats towards Hinoiri and pats her on the shoulder with her tiny hands. "You'll get there. The more you try, the more you learn. Look at the bright side: at least you aren't setting people on fire anymore."

    Kamiko really should be leaving this kind of thing to people who are actually good at it.

    "Well, I'm not gonna tell Doka-chan that you were there at the tower, but I am gonna have to tell her that you're missing your Heart's Egg. She's got the Humpty Lock, so it's kindof her responsibility to help with things like that." She starts floating backwards towards the window, sensing that it's probably time for her to leave. "Hinoiri-chan, you have a lot of people willing to support you. You're our friend, and we do care, even if we don't always agree with you."

Hinoiri Kirara has posed:
Hinoiri Kirara gave a small nod. "T-thank you," she whispered, clutching the pillow to her chest once again. "A-and... yeah..."

"... I'm sorry for that. I don't... think I ever did it t-to Madoka.... but I am sorry. I didn't... realize... how it f-felt to be... to hurt like that. To fight someone with fire, who felt... I didn't know how it felt to be powerless..." she whispered.

"And... and thanks... and ummm... please... don't... tell Madoka about... that I think she's that... that I want to be like her... I don't want her to laugh at it..." she mumbled. At least, unless she ever got there.

No, it was impossible, she never would. Never could. If she could, would she be here now?

Either way, though, she would give Kamiko a little wave. Well. At least one person who knew about her towers and acts there knew the truth of what she'd actually been doing.

Madoka Kaname has posed:
    "I think if I told her something like that," says Kamiko, "she'd have a mental breakdown. She wouldn't be laughing because she thought it was funny. She'd be laughing because her sanity would have left the building." She waves at Hinoiri and says, "I won't tell. That will remain between us."

    She shakes her head and says, "Stay strong, Hino-chan. I know you'll get through this. We'll get you your dream back. Even if we have to fight through an idol and a donutpire in order to do so."

    With that, she flits through the crack in the window, and leaves Hinoiri to her daytime TV.