Better hated than forgotten (Hinoiri Kirara)
| Better hated than forgotten (Hinoiri Kirara) | |
|---|---|
| Date of Cutscene: | 28 May 2024 |
| Location: | Dusk Zone |
| Synopsis: | The Sunset of Sora struggles against the darkness within herself... a battle she is rapidly losing. |
| Cast of Characters: | Hinoiri Kirara |
| Tinyplot: | Sunset of Sora |
The unicorn drifted in the sea of darkness, rasping for breath. It felt like her lungs might burst, or like everything else already had. She shook her head and she was… whatever she was, now. Scales. Tail. Claws. Horn. Wings. What was she? Was this ascension?
She couldn’t feel them now, though. She could feel all of them before. So she had to be in the dusk zone. It was mercifully silent here. She could only feel her own misery here. Not others. For what felt like the thousandth time, she tried to pull herself free from the darkness that clung to her so tightly.
Small, tiny specks of light drifted around her, but she didn’t want to touch them. Not again. She knew what they were. They hurt. They hurt… so much more. Was that what it was? Her punishment? What she deserved? Why hadn’t anyone stopped her? Didn’t they see what she was? How terrible she was? They hated her. They had to hate her.
She touched another small fleck of light and let out a pained hiss of pain when she was there. A small filly, barely old enough to have her cutie mark. On a picnic, talking in excited, rapid fire squeals to Sora about her lessons. How she’d managed to figure out the mushroom puzzle when nobody else in her class had. How Sora had said she was so proud of her.
Once again, the Sunset of Sora sang.
“Oh, there it goes...
'Bout everything we had...
Saw the love I had dreamed...
Burn behind the door…”
It had all been a lie, though. As this once happy memory was twisted and warped by the truth. Sora hadn’t cared. The moment it was over, had Sora even thought about that picnic? Or had it just been another one of her lies, a momentary reprieve from her duties? Leading on the foolish student into actually thinking she cared? Slowly, the happy memory fell from her grasp, turning dark and cold. Like a once beautiful rose, now truly seen as just a disguise for the dangerous thorns along the stem?
“How can I hold you now,
that everything is gone.
And the rose within my grip
Cuts with every thorn?”
Hinoiri tried to climb from the darkness, to swim out from it. Where was land? It had to exist, didn’t it? This sea of despair. But she didn’t know. All she could feel, now, was this pain, this hurt. No matter how angry she got, it only seemed to make the sorrow stronger. She couldn’t beat it by being determined, or smarter, or stronger, or angrier.
All she could do was accept that… she’d never mattered in the first place.
That everything she had done, everything she had tried, all of it had been entirely worthless, she had been entirely worthless, from the beginning.
“Only chasin', only chasin' pretty rainbows, I...
Kept falling short and life felt a little grey every time I tried.
What's worse, through both red corners of my eyes?
I saw your truth materialize...
How could I think so black and white?”
Hinoiri really had believed, just for a bit, just for a minute, if she tried hard enough she’d be worth it. That her teacher would notice her. Would see her as worthy. That her mistake, that her banishment, would just be that. Another mistake. She had so many dreams of coming back, of being seen by Sora. Of her mentor apologizing, enveloping her in her wings and telling her how proud she was of her.
But that would never happen. It wasn’t that her mentor had been disappointed in her. It was that Sora… never cared in the first place. She wasn’t worth loving or hating. She wasn’t despised…
She was forgotten.
“Now that I've bit down
Match-flavored, ash in my throat.
Vision, it comes and goes
Call me ‘Forgotten...’”
Meaningless. Her entire life, her suffering, her fighting. All of it. Meaningless. Valueless. Just like her. She meant nothing. She was nothing. And now? Now she was lost. Takashi had warned her about this. The dangers of dark energy. It preyed on these emotions. On the pain, the despair. Anger made it stronger, but the despair let it sink into your heart and tear it open. But now that she knew the truth, did that really matter? Fresh tears flowed down Hinoiri’s cheeks and she started to sink back into the darkness. All she wanted was to hurt and suffer and make everyone else feel the same. To make them hurt like she hurt. To make Sora hurt for what she’d done. Nobody cared about her. So why should she care about them? Nobody…
Except her friends. She’d had them. She felt that small, tiny pinprick of light in her heart. Sayaka. Double Trouble. Sailor Moon. Takashi. People who she’d…
People who she was hurting. People who, if they could see her now, would hate her. She’d already lost Sora… now she’d lose all of them, too. In the sea of misery she could see them pulling from her and, desperate, she reached out a hand. She’d been alone for so long, she didn’t want to be anymore. She’d finally felt the warmth of others, a warmth different from lighting herself on fire. They’d celebrated with her. They’d celebrated HER. As a person. Her existence. They’d given her gifts. Made her feel wanted.
“W-wait, don't leave me tonight...
The world is so cold and I'm on fire...
Don't trust me to be so naïve...
To think I'd thrive on my own...”
They’d hate her. They had to hate her. She was lashing out. Her body burned and crumbled under the flames and weight of the powers she was stealing. Taking. Her misery and anger made real, flowing through her and hurting anyone who dared get in her way. Everyone hated her. She was alone. Only she could do this. She grit her teeth and started to swim again. They weren’t here. They hated her. How could they not? After what she had done? She really was just… a disappointment. Forgotten or forbidden… Why couldn’t they just once try to understand her? She’d show them. She’d show all of them. She’d make them ALL feel her pain. She reached out, gripping the magic she’d stolen and holding it to herself. She’d never let them forget her. She wouldn’t be alone anymore. She refused. She’d take what she wanted now, regardless of how much it hurt. So what if she wasn’t worthy?
“Oh please...
Just wait…
Those stars overhead…
Shine bright like they're golden and I can't stand it...
Full knowing that nothing is fair, oh...
I need you here through the dawn...”
Hinoiri had power. She had more power than even Sora could dream. And she’d take more. Even if it hurt. Sora forgot her, but she wouldn’t be forgotten again. Who cared if everyone hurt her? She didn’t. She definitely didn’t.
… She did. Why couldn’t she learn this lesson? Why was it so hard to just let them all go?
“Oh, there it goes...
'Bout everything we had...
Saw the future I had dreamed...
Burn behind the door...
I feel it in my soul...
Misshapen from the chain...
That whatever holds me will...
tear and fade away...”
All those rules. All those promises. Everything she had tried to do, to be. What good had they done her? They’d fought her every step of the way. Now? She was unchained. Unfettered. The chains holding her were GONE! And with them being gone, she could do as she pleased. She could tear out the power of others, take it for herself. She was every bit Sora’s equal. No. Her better.
So what if it hurt? So what if everyone hated her? Wasn’t it better to be hated than forgotten? To be loathed than ignored? To hurt than to feel nothing? The tears evaporated from her before they could fall, the flames making the darkness sizzle and pop.
If she had made Sora truly hate her, would she have at least noticed her leaving?
“Looking back on the times I only let you down...
With each iteration of me, hand in hand, as the clock goes round...
I’ll make this world break down in agony...
With all its little sparkles surrounding it...”
Would she destroy this world? For a moment, she saw Catra. Was Sora… like that Shadowweaver? Or was it more akin to her Adora? She reached out a hand. If there was a lever to destroy this world, would she pull it? If, just for a moment, she’d be noticed? No. No no…
Yes.
“I might not say it, but I'm really...
Really the worst one...
And I'll embrace it dearly.
Melting into the black.
Scold me, Forsaken.”
The grief, the torment swirled around her, an endless boiling sea. It burned, it hurt, but she couldn’t find the way out. She--
Finally, she felt it. Land. Under one hoof. Just a little. Odd. It was like… it didn’t feel right. Less like she was climbing out, but more like she was being pulled. Just a little. Out of the darkness. And then, just like that, she was out. Coughing, sputtering, she was out onto land. The endless sea of darkness behind her. She was a unicorn again. Small, weak, but… alive. And for just a moment, she could think and--
Sora was in front of her. Except, instead of being the kind, radiating presence she so desperately wanted… she was darkness incarnate. With a gaze of ice. A hoof reached out and pushed her away, before lightly singing down at her in a cruel, cold tone.
“Oh filly...
Quit cryin’ out.
Cuz no one's listening.
Not up above.
Not down below.
No corner of either world.
Stop screaming at the walls around this glassy house of yours.
The truth won't change…”
Hinoiri gulped and stared up at her mentor, the tears in her eyes not burning away, instead streaking down her face.
“Still, I can see the stars...
And maybe I'd lie and say it doesn't hurt...
Sora, why's it have to hurt?”
Sora just smiled down at her as the sea of darkness rose up once more and dragged her back into its depths. The anger and hatred grew inside her and she didn’t fight it. Forget her? Abandon her? No. NO! She was Hinoiri! She was the Sunset of Sora! So what if she wasn’t worthy? She was done trying to EARN the right to EXIST!
“Yeah, this moment is wrong, but it's mine!
And I won't go home 'til the storm is over!
Been cut by these thorns all my life!
So hold still and I'll tear through!
Yeah even when nothing is fair, oh
I'll find out how to make a new dawn!”
The darkness surged around her, drowning her in her anger and grief, seeping down to the deepest cracks of her heart…
Back in her dorm room, so far away, her necklace, with its little geode… was now crisscrossed with so many cracks that its original shape was almost impossible to see. The colors lost to darkness.
Hinoiri held out a hand once again, forming a rose in it. One with thorns. One like the one that had hurt her so long ago. Black and vicious. She closed her hands tight around it, letting the thorns dig in deep. Ignoring the little speckles of light that were around her, just out of reach.
She was the Sunset of Sora. She would not be forgotten. Never again. If the stars were golden, they’d be her stars. They could hate her all they wanted… Better hated than forgotten.
Besides. People like her don't GET happy endings.
