Texts: A Motorcycle-Gravity-Sword?!

Texts: A Motorcycle-Gravity-Sword?!
Date of Scene:	26 September 2023
Location:	Texts
Synopsis:	Hematite and Hannah text Usagi about the fact that Hannah's ended up in the hospital. Usagi is not amused. Featuring: fire, carrots, final fantasy 7, and news of a boyfriend.
Cast of Characters:	Usagi Tsukino, Hannah Steiner, Mamoru Chiba, Naru Osaka

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(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: So if I had bad news, would you want the bad part

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: Bad part first, so I don't fret about it.

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: frau Tsukino? I formally wish to apologize to your boyfriend for attempting to light him on fire with a motorcycle-gravity-sword. Und your House by proxy.

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino:Tragar's in the hospital with a bad concussion and some other injuries. She was already coming around a little, though.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: DID HANNAH-CHAN LIGHT YOU ON FIRE????

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: ....................

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: She almost did! How did-- I mean-- you just GUESSED that??

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: what??????????????

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: you what???? my what?????????? you?????????? is he okay? are YOU okay??????

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: no she just texted me an apology for trying to set you on fire with a motorcycle sword!!!

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: Well yeah I threw a motorcycle at her and she turned it into a sword on fire! She APOLOGIZED? I put her in the hospital???

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: wheezingintobag.gif

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: She apologized for trying to set you in fire with her motorcycle-gravity-sword. you are both going to give me a heart attack oh my god is this how my mama feels

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: Well I'm kind of gratified she apologized, she picked the fight with me over my-- here's what I THOUGHT was the funny part, I made a carrot youma because you said not to make youmas out of things you wanted

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: did you put hannah-chan in the hospital with carrots because that is a little funny

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: i am a bad person but now i'm laughing oh no i hate carrots they ARE youma

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: it was a crappy youma too, and she objected a lot and cut it in half like she was pulling a limit breaker on it. i LAUGHED

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino:I assure you, he is, much to mein shame, quite fine

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: i should introduce her to final fantasy 7

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: well i'm not happy she's in the hospital but it sounds like you helped her get *to* the hospital

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: hannah=chan, hemachan is a boss battle

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: Und before you look upon him with wroth, the actual damage was...accidental. Mostly. I may not have calculated for the strength of mein own attack und exactly how much dark energy is empowering

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: it's not like you're weak or anything, dark energy is just a cheater

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: ...I do believe he mentioned '17 of you' or some such number

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: are you going to be okay? he's really sorry he hurt you

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: This is not the first concussion I have had since coming here, mein dear Usagi, und by kark is shall not be the last!

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: i should honestly just have left, it's just she kept coming at me and yelling that i was disrespecting her and being a coward because i was pulling my punches

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: well THAT'S not good! but i'm glad you're in good spirits. i'm not gonna insult you by telling him to be nice

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: it was actually kind of fun until the fire

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: that's when i put the fire out and threw her on the ground. but then her power did something weird and she went flying

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: oh yeah she got on me for that too when we practiced together

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: Und tell him to stop being sorry! He saved mein life und defended himself! Until things became...a bit too passionate on both sides, it was very entertaining. Nein! The whole /point/ was that he was standing und watching instead of getting his hands dirty und wielding the whole of his power, thus honoring one's opponent!

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: she really likes fighting at full force!

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: have you ever played a video game called final fantasy 7?

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: i would kill her if i did.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: it's related, i promise! it's not that hemachan doesn't respect you or us. he just doesn't like to hurt people, so he likes to make sure we fight fair. and for him that means sending out monsters he made.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: i know, i told her you're a boss battle.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: you're very, very strong hemachan, and i'm not hapy she got so hurt, but i'm very proud of you for holding back even with fire and motorcycle swords involved.

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: I have not, unfortunately, most video games are...mmm, difficult even were I to lean on Lyra und Blauer Greif. While I suppose there is honor in that in its' own way, surely he realizes how /enraging/ such things are! Und that inevitably that clash /will/ come, it is the way of war.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: hm oh that's true i'm sorry! i should have thought of that... well! in the game, there's a big boss, and he doesn't fight the heroes until the very end; but until then, he sends stronger and stronger enemies after them

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: hemachan is like that. he makes stronger and stronger monsters. you'd like him. he's very cool. also he wants me to get better at fighting too. T_T

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: It pains me that I already find meinself liking the man. I aught chastise you about dating someone working for the enemy, und give you a thorough lecture on the Tharkadian Twenty-Seventh Civil War sparked out of similar star-crossed love interests. ....But you likely have a few choice words yourself for me. Stones und glass houses.

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: I do understand the analogy. Why does that sound as if he is...

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: Acht, no thinking while concussed. Ow. For what it is worth, he seems a fine man. Tell him I wish to meet him properly some time. Perhaps the three of us can get ice cream once things are less complicated.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: that would be wonderful!! i really want to introduce you to him. i like him a lot, and i like you a lot, so i want you both to be friends if you can.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: he's complicated sometimes, but he's really sweet. and if you want to get me in fite club (WHEN YOU'RE HEALED, DON'T COME WITH A CONCUSSION HANNAH-CHAN, I'LL BENCH YOU) for it, i will accept your chase around the room with fear and yelling and also grace i guess

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: she says we should go out for ice cream sometime when stuff is less complicated

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: i know you love a good fight and i don't want to change you. i just want you to get better first, okay?

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: i don't want to be this strong.

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: In Court, one's true freunds are best found by Dueling them first. So consider the first step passed for herr Hematite. You know the way to mein heart, mein dear would-be Steiner! ...usagi steiner-hema-tsukino? hmm. Workshop that one.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: i'll get stronger. so i can fix it for you.

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: i want to hug you over the phone, haha. <3

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: do you want some stupid news

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: I promise. frau Meioh would murder me if I tried it. Thank you for listening. I am sleeping now before Lyra licks me to death!

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: it's going to be okay, don't worry! in the name of the moon, i'll fix it

(PHONE) Hannah Steiner texts to Usagi Tsukino: okay, go to sleep!!!! and don't think i missed you putting his name in mine haha!! tsukino steiner hema usagi is gonna let you sleep now, hannah-chan <3

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: tell me all about the stupid

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: the stupid is that i got reported to HR for stabbing sunbreaker's hand and now i have to do sensitivity training

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: it is SO STUPID

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: even my boss is mad at me

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: my creepy, creepy boss

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: and here's some creepy words

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: oh i hate that

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: i said midnight at the power plant

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: why sensitivity training huh? she was in the wrong!!

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: probably tell on me

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: you did say midnight and oh boy

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: gonna just take notes on that !!

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: okay!

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Naru Osaka: naruchan naruchan naruchan i think they're doing something with the midnight tokyo project

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: she was in the wrong but stabbing is unprofessional lol

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: HOW?

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Naru Osaka: Hemachan was at the power station and he just reminded me that he was mentioning midnight and i dont think it was because he likes that time of day

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: apparently since she does freelance work for obsidian she counts as an employee which sounds like a load of BS to me, and youre not supposed to stab fellow employees or something

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: i would buy that if you worked at a regular office but i think supervillains r us should be allowed to stab each other

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: hsjjhajaahdh

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: youre not wrong

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: but apparently human resources doesnt just mean company resources that happen to be human

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: i think you taught her a valuable lesson. i mean! stabbing people is bad and wrong. but kidnapping them is worse.

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: WAY worse. well i mean depending on where someone gets stabbed

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: what if you told your boss you were making sure she knew not to disrupt the work of the like, totally wonderful and powerful dark kingdom with her uh, freelancer cooties

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: your bosss sounds awful so she probably doesn't care about naru-chan, but supervillains never like it when other villains mess up their operation, right?

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: shed want to know why i stabbed her and if i said it was because she kidnapped a friend shed want to know who and why i hadnt recruited them yet and then if i said who she would get pissed off that i stabbed someone over a girl that wasnt her

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: i'm her favorite

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: ew she's your boss right, isnt she like 50

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: it's creepy

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: i don't like her.

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: yeah she's old and i dont like her anyway and shes my boss and wow i cant report her to hr because then bad things would happen to me again

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: i'm going to get. so strong.

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: YAY!!!

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Hannah Steiner: when you get better, i want us to keep training okay? you're really strong, and i want to be strong too.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: gonna princess carry you right out of there!! hmph!

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Usagi Tsukino: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Mamoru Chiba: <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3