1541/Tired of Organic, Free Range Beef

Tired of Organic, Free Range Beef
Date of Scene:	02 May 2024
Location:	Administrative Office
Synopsis:	In the aftermath of disagreements with Setsuna and Michiru, Usagi sees advice from Kyouka. After all, what else is a guidance counselor for? Some realizations are made, and passions cool.
Cast of Characters:	Usagi Tsukino, Kyouka Inai

---

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
     Usagi TXT to Kyouka: Inai-sensei, can I come to your office?
     Usagi TXT to Kyouka: A lot of stuff has been going on and I've been meaning to catch up with you.
     Usagi TXT to Kyouka: i'm skipping last class

Kyouka Inai has posed:
    Kyouka TXT: yeah i'm here
    Kyouka TXT: dont skip classes.
    Kyouka TXT: but im here, doors open

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
     Usagi TXT to Kyouka: no offense inai-sensei but school is 100% useless to me right now
     Usagi TXT to Kyouka: at least i can nap in detention

And yet, during last period, there's a knock on Kyouka's door, before it swings open. Usagi Tsukino's in her school uniform with her book bag slung over her shoulder, and a tired look on her face. It's been a few days since her fight with Setsuna, but before the grand ramen party and plotting session that she's already scheduled and invited people too. She hasn't really had any one on one time with Kyouka since they got out of the portal, and there's still the shadows of that experience weighing on her.

Plopping into a chair, she says, "I faked being sick and got a note for the nurse's office. I'm not going, but I'm not technically skipping class."

Kyouka Inai has posed:
    Kyouka is seated behind her desk, her chair half-turned so she can look out the window over the campus courtyard behind her. She's wearing her sunglasses, of course, but her jacket is slung over the back of her chair and she otherwise seems to have been working on something on the laptop open on her desk. Before she got distracted by looking out the window.

    Turning her head to watch Usagi enter, she responds, "I don't actually care if you skip classes. I dropped out of school when I was 12 and I turned out fine. I just don't want anyone reading my text messages and getting me fired for encouraging delinquency."

    She leans her elbows on the desk, grey eyes examining her student from overtop of the rectangular lenses of her glasses. "It has been a busy couple of weeks, huh?" Inviting Usagi to say what she wants to say without attempting to lead her onto any particular topic.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"Oh, good, I was going to be really betrayed if you started telling me about the virtue of education too," Usagi sighs, putting her book back down, sitting back in the chair as if it were incredibly comfortable and not just kind of average. "We should get you a burner phone. But then we'd forget to use it probably because you haven't had one for so long."

Trouble. Sucks!

"It's been absolute dogshit," is the tired, immediately response to Kyouka's question. "I'm guessing Mamochan kept you in the loop on the portal, but it was like... the year Silver Millennium and the Golden Kingdom fell, it was this... echo dimension bubble made basically because the trauma and mess of everything was so bad it made a dimension of just suck, and there were - there were some good memories there, too, but mostly it was awful. Like... I told you I committed suicide, in my last life, and I got to have a front row seat to that, but! This time I got to see what happened after, and that was... that was worse."

She blinks away the heat in her eyes, grimacing. "It was so much worse. Jupiter went nuclear and Venus killed Beryl and then just like... laid down and died, like that was it, like there wasn't anything worth fighting for, anymore, and I didn't see Mercury, but I think she was still trying, and my mother found my body, and everyone saw."

Kyouka Inai has posed:
    Kyouka listens to this outpouring without comment. There may be a slightly sympathetic cast to her face, but it's not overt, her expression rather neutral and her hands folded in front of her. She doesn't say anything at all until Usagi has finished speaking, and then for several moments after that she still doesn't say anything. Eventually though, she heaves a small sigh, leaning back slightly in her chair.

    "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Usagi-chan. I know it must have been hard- it's never easy, having your past mistakes laid out plainly for everyone to see- least of all yourself. Even if it was only sort-of you."

    "You shouldn't feel bad for finding it upsetting. I'd be worried if you didn't find it upsetting, and I'm real glad you all made it back safely."

    She pauses a moment more, before slightly shrugging her shoulders. "That said.. I honestly do think there's some good that can come out of this. Since everybody did make it back safely, and all."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
The thing about talking to Inai-sensei is, she's not the most like, effusive person. She's not going to be all in on the sympathy and the sorrow and the poor you, and all of that, and honestly? Honestly, Usagi kind of needs that. She's talked to Kyouka about Serenity's suicide before. She knows that Kyouka won't tell her it wasn't a mistake - Kyouka will agree with her, that she'd done something selfish and foolish in another life.

"Yeah," she says, "Exactly. And like... I haven't talked about it with too many people, but they're all really sympathetic, and I get it, but it's like... I know it was a mistake. I know I was wrong. And now, I just know that even more, because I saw how much it hurt people that I loved. And I'm like... I'm starting to feel better, kind of, but I wish I had felt better sooner, because we made it all out, and we're all alive, even though Beryl definitely wanted to kill us with that, and just... ugh, Inai-sensei, you can tell me if I'm being dumb, but, I had a fight with Meiou-san, and that lead to a fight with Kaiou-san, and I just, I'm already tired of it?"

She grimaces.

"It's kind of my fault but mostly not, and Mamochan's been helping me write my like, words out so they don't come out super angry and full of feelings and are instead about all the like, actual tactical stuff going on, because I feel like they think think I'm a dumb kid, or something, even though they're not that much older than me."

Kyouka Inai has posed:
    "That's the thing, right?" Kyouka doesn't talk to Usagi like she's a child, despite the nearly-decade of years between them. She speaks like she's speaking to one of her friends, albeit one to whom she feels she has some advice to give. "Beryl wanted to kill you. Either physically or to kill your spirit. To show you all the horrible stuff that happened, that she caused to happen, in order to make you 'remember' that she's beaten you once and she'll do it again. She wants you to think there's no hope, because you failed last time."

    "Thing is," She leans one arm on the desk, her eyes on the younger girl's face. "I know you're not like that. And I hope you know you're not like that either. When you're shown a mistake, you don't go 'oh no, I made a mistake so surely I will make the same mistake again.' You look at that mistake and you go, "well shit, that was dumb of me. I better not do that again."

    She leans back, a slight smile playing at her face. "Criticism isn't always bad. Beryl likely doesn't understand that because she has the sort of personality that can't stand being challenged. But the truth of it is, having your mistakes shown to you, it may be uncomfortable and it may suck to see it played out in front of you but you can learn from it. You can be inspired by it. You can look at all that and go, 'next time I'll do better.'"

    "Beryl can't grasp that. To her, being made to believe you made the wrong choice is always a bad thing. But big girls hike up their skirts and say, 'yeah that sucked, but at least now I know what I shouldn't do." Take those horrible things you saw and make them into a promise to yourself that you won't let those things happen again. No matter what. And Beryl will find her 'weapon' turned back against her. It's always the most satisfying when you beat someone with their own weapon."

    She then tilts her head slightly at the talk of a fight with Setsuna. "What were you fighting about?"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"Exactly. She thought she would kill us, and get rid of her enemies in one easy go, she thought she'd break us, and yeah, maybe we all cracked a little. It was awful. But we're not teacups, and we aren't useless because we cracked, and I do, know better now. And we learned a lot - I'm planning to get everyone together, so we can share what we learned, and see what we can use to like... stop her. For good this time."

Because she has no doubts that that is where this all ends. There is no chance for friendship, for redemption, for turning back the clock. This ends with death, and if she has her way, it will be Beryl's.

She's learning. She's always learning. Maybe she won't get the lesson the first, second, or third time, but she'll get there.

And then Kyouka asks about the fight, and there's a grimace, even though she brought it up.

"Mamochan says you're awful at secrets, but I think what he means is you'll tell secrets if you think it's important enough. I'm asking you not to tell anyone about this stuff, because it's important, okay? But... I found out the Outer Senshi have been like... hiding someone. One of our enemies, or at least, like, was an enemy, apparently... and they've been hiding them for weeks now, without even mentioning it to me or any of the other Senshi, even though we also have a standing invitation to their house, and could totally end up giving our identities away to someone dangerous, all because they didn't... think to even tell us."

She lets that sit for a moment, and then says, "And this person, I have a lot of negative feelings about them, because they're fucking terrifying, and when I pointed that out, Meiou-san screamed at me that it's not their fault and broke something in her kitchen, and I know I was mean back, because I was already upset with the Outer Senshi anyway, and... does that even make sense? I'm trying not to betray any confidences just because I'm mad."

Kyouka Inai has posed:
    "Have you ever heard of 'kintsugi'? It's where an artisan takes a cracked cup or bowl or something and fills in the cracks with gold. A lot of people consider the repaired item to be even more beautiful than the original- improved, because it cracked." Kyouka gives a little grin. "Every true hero I know is a lot like that. You crack, but you don't break. And you are improved by your cracks."

    "I have no doubt you will be the same, Usagi-chan."

    She rolls her eyes so hard when Usagi mentions how Mamoru thinks she is bad at secrets. "That boy is going to hold a grudge forever. I just don't believe keeping a secret is worth letting people get hurt over, okay? I don't betray confidences willy-nilly, but I'm not going to keep my mouth shut if my doing so could lead to somebody getting hurt. That's all."

    She listens to Usagi talking about the fight, and she quirks an eyebrow. "Oh, you're talking about Hotaru-chan? Yeah, I knew she was there. Or rather-" She pauses, holding up a hand. "I knew that Meiou-san had taken responsibility for her. I did not know she was still living at their house. I didn't realize you didn't know that, but also I didn't realize that you were going to be in proximity to her or I would have said something."

    She doesn't apologize for not telling Usagi about this- if anything, she doesn't seem to think it's that big a deal. The fact that Usagi didn't know, at least. Because she carries right on talking.

    "It's insane for Meiou-san to say it wasn't her fault though. I don't know what has been going on since I last saw her, but when I was asked to help get Hotaru-chan away from Obsidian it wasn't because I thought she was a blameless little flower who needed protecting. Sure, she was in a shit situation and getting her out of that was a pleasant side-effect but the main point was to take a dangerous weapon away from Obsidian. The only thing worse than an unpredictable murder-machine is one following Obsidian's orders.."

    She shakes her head a little. "That girl is dangerous and you are absolutely right to be scared of her and want her treated with caution. Frankly I'm glad she's not my problem at the moment but I think it's definitely the wrong choice to not treat her like what she is. Dangerous."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"I've seen some examples in museums," Usagi admits, "On like, field trips. It's really pretty. And - you know? That would be good. To be better for my cracks, because I mean, we're still coming up, right? I'm older than you were, but I've still got years left before I hit the Fade, so..."

So she's got time to get better, stronger, faster. She's excited, for that day, when it would be over - now, she knows that her life would never be the same, if she forgot all this, but she also knows that she's just going to keep getting stronger, and better, the way Inai-sensei did, as she gets older.

Usagi's jaw drops a little at this easy confirmation that Inai-sensei knew exactly about the thing that's caused such a wide-spilling conflict between her, Setsuna, and Michiru, but then... then she rolls her eyes. "You know, I was being really sarcastic when I asked Mamochan if it was gonna turn out that you and Amy-chan already knew, but... is it weird that I'm not mad at you for knowing and keeping it a secret? I mean, I still don't think it was cool at all, but..."

She thinks it might be, slightly, a little unfair, to Setsuna at least, that she's not. But - Inai-sensei does what she wants, and she's never made any bones about that, and she's never made any promises or offered anything formal or informal or been anything but herself. Maybe it's like she was thinking - maybe it's just that she put more onto a relationship than was wise, and she's mixed her feelings into her tactics.

"Honestly! That's how I feel! She's like - she's dangerous. Both times I met her, I was afraid for my life. And Meiou-san and Kaiou-san say its because Obsidian put something inside her, and that's the problem, and maybe some of that is true, but I don't know if she can control that thing, because until like, a few days ago I didn't even know there was a thing inside her. It's something else no one mentioned to me."

And yes, she's working on processing that, but also - the Hotaru who attacked her with her glaive wasn't the Hotaru who afterwards, tried to murder her. There's the things the thing inside of her did, and the things she did.

"So we fought about it. Mostly because, like, I think if they're going to have like, legally kidnapped the daughter of an Obsidian head then maybe they should tell their allies about it? That there's another threat to be mindful of? But, also, I know, I was mad about it because I was hurt, that they didn't tell us. I was mad about the tactics, but I was mad because I thought we were close enough that they'd think to tell me, and I think it was a genuine mistake, but like, five weeks worth of the same mistake, it's a lot. I'm like, writing letters about it. Mamochan's idea."

Kyouka Inai has posed:
    Kyouka quirks her lips to one side in a grimace. "Look, Usagi-chan, if I knew that she was going to keep the girl in her house, or that you were going to be going over there on anything like a regular basis, I would have told you. But similar to how I will tell a secret if I think it could get people hurt to not do so, I will also keep a secret if I think that telling it could get people hurt. The less people who knew where she was being hidden, the safer everyone would be, including her."

    She shakes her head a little bit. "But you're right. I don't know if Obsidian put that thing inside her, or it was there already, but there is a monster locked inside that girl. It almost killed me. And she flat out old me that she can't control it. That she has to fight it day and night and sometimes she loses control. She told me that out of her own mouth."

    "I told her that I thought she could control it, that she would have to learn how. But even if that's true, until she can she's a ticking time bomb. Look, it's not really my business at this point, but you were absolutely not in the wrong to be wary of her, or to be angry that you were exposed to her without being warned. I don't think that's cool either."

    She leans her elbows on the desk again, expression sour. "The truth is a lot of people in this world have bad shit happen to them and it isn't their fault. You can feel bad for them- you probably should. But that also doesn't mean that if they walk up to you with a knife you should open you arms for a hug."

    She sighs a little bit. "I don't know enough about your relationship with Meiou-san and the others to speak on it, really. I do think the less people who know where she is, the better. But I also think if you're being exposed to that danger you should be made aware. Honestly the safest thing for everyone would be to lock her up somewhere and keep her secure. For her own safety as well as everyone else's.."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
A grimace, unintentional, because she knows that no one will lock Hotaru up, because of Saturn, and also because... because it sounds wrong, and cruel, to keep her locked away, because of something she can't control. But it's rough to endanger people too. It's wrong to risk lives for what ifs and maybes.

But...

"They really care about her. They want her to be happy and loved and normal, because her whole life was so awful. And I want her to be happy too, I mean, I don't like her, I might not ever like her, but... that doesn't mean I want bad for her? And I told Kaiou-san that I would have supported them taking her in, if I knew, because it's important... but like. She is dangerous. And she's friends with our enemies, and the last two times whatever is inside her went out of control, it was when she was in fights, so I don't think that's safe, either but..."

She shakes her head.

"Kaiou-san said I was being a petulant child over this. And I don't think I'm being petulant, but maybe I'm a little childish. I'm hurt because my friends kept something really important from me, and I've... I mean, I'm kind of letting it go, I need time, but also..."

Usagi bites her lip. She looks away.

"Inai-san, I just get this feeling I have to be alright with Hotaru, to be friends with them again. And I'm not, and I don't know how I can be, yet. I have more nightmares about her than anyone besides Beryl. So... I wonder if I should just be a leader, instead of a friend? If that's the case? Because... yeah. I'm glad you're agreeing with me on that, at least. I was starting to wonder. I mean, okay, Makochan, Minachan, and Mamochan all said I was reasonable and Ami-chan did too, but, you know."

Kyouka Inai has posed:
    Kyouka looks down at her desk for a moment, before looking up again. "Usagi-chan, I'll tell you the truth. I've spent some amount of time with Hotaru-chan. Firely-chan, whatever you prefer. For a while I was using her as a source for intel, because she has a good heart and she was willing to talk to me and probably say more than she should about Obsidian and their plans."

    "She's a sweet girl. I genuinely feel bad for her. I wish for her to be able to be loved and live a happy, carefree life."

    Her eyes harden, the grey of steel, and her tone grows cold. "But if wishes were fishes, we would all eat sushi tonight. You simply cannot ignore the realities of the situation because of how you wish it was. The girl is a danger. To herself, to everyone around her. It is unfortunate. A lot of life is unfortunate. A lot of people get bad deals. But you simply cannot use the fact that the world is cruel and unfair as an excuse to put people in danger."

    "If she can be helped, I would like for her to be helped. But until she is helped, until it is proven that she is safe, she needs to be treated like what she is- a danger. A killer. It's as simple as that." She hasn't forgotten the look of maddened cruelty in the girl's eyes in that alleyway- or the way she cried and said she was unable to control the monster within her.

    She scoffs lightly. "Kaiou-san is what, fifteen? Usagi-chan, don't take this as an insult please, but you are all children. You are a child. Kaiou-san is a child. Hotaru-chan is also a child. You are allowed to be childish because you are an actual child. I am sorry, in fact, that the bad deal you received has forced you to grow up sooner than you should have. But that being said, you are not wrong here. And you shouldn't feel bad for feeling the way you do."

    She purses her lips. "I can't say I have much to offer you in the way of advice on destiny and leadership. I was never a leader, not the way you are. And I don't know much about the Senshi and your bonds. Not beyond what you've told me. But I think you have good instincts, and I think you should trust yourself. And I also think that to be a good leader you can't always be friends with those you're leading. The leader needs to make hard decisions- decisions not everyone agrees with. But its the responsibility of the leader to be the one who decides. That's what leading is. You chart the course. You should listen to advice, listen to what people say. But you decide what you want to do. And if that means they think you're not being a good friend, then so be it. Because the leader making the right decision, the decision that saves lives, protects people, gains victory- that's more important than anyone's feelings."

    She shrugs a little. "I mean.. that's what I think anyway."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
A sweet girl. A good heart. Usagi's never seen that, in Firefly, but she had seen that in Hotaru, on those brief and rare encounters, and it's not that she begrudges her a happy life, a happy family, but...

"You're right."

And it's a realization that shakes Usagi, because -

"I want her to have the happy life she deserves, even if I don't like her. But I'm not willing to risk my team for that, or to have them uninformed, or to lie about the risks she poses, just to make room for her to have that happiness. I'm... maybe I'll always be at odds, on this one, because I'm not willing to do that."

She grimaces, at being called a child because - because, Inai-sensei is an adult. Inai-sensei might not always act like it, but she's an adult. If anyone's going to call her a child and get away with it, it's the person she's actually come to, multiple times, to be an adult, and especially because it's not an insult -

"She's like a year older than me," Usagi says sheepishly, because, now that it's put like that - "You're right. I should have told her that she was being as childish as she thinks I am. I mean, I kind of did, but, mostly, we didn't really resolve things, we just... but it doesn't matter."

She'd realized that, a little, and now she sees it all the more. "I've stepped up to lead, and I've set a path, and I... I have to make the calls that I see. And it's not that I don't care about Hotaru, but she's a danger, in more ways than one, and if they've decided to be her defenders, then I'll be the one who watches to make sure that's not a mistake, and who acts, when I need to. The thing inside her is weak to purification. If it comes down to it... I'm not good with her. I don't need to be. I just need to not make things worse - and be ready to make them better, even if it's not the popular call."

Kyouka Inai has posed:
    Kyouka gets up from her desk, walking around to stand next to the chair Usagi is seated in, looking down at her. "That's the unfortunate truth of the way the world works, Usagi-chan." She says, with a heaviness in her tone that suggests she truly believes what she says rather than just feeding the girl platitudes. "You simply can't always find a simple answer. You can't always have it both ways. You need to choose- and even if it hurts, you need to choose the solution that's the best for the most people. And the best for you."

    Her voice is soft, and she lays a hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "You can't save everybody. I understand the desire to try. But you need to make peace with the reality that not even Sailor Moon can remove all the suffering from the world. You just, like we all do... you do what you can. And it's more than most, and you should be proud of that."

    She smiles a little bit. "I believe in your ability to make those calls. Right now, I'm stronger than you, more experienced. But I'm fully confident that won't always be true. You'll outgrow me.. probably before you're even as old as I am now. And you know what? I look forward to that."

    "I'll be proud to stand next to Sailor Moon and know that I can trust her decisions and that she'll do what's best for the people around her, the people of this city and this world. To follow her lead."

    "And for what it's worth, even if I don't always agree with your decisions, I'll always be your friend." She squeezes the girl's shoulder, then releases it, turning to walk back around the desk.