Texts: technically i only agreed not to get set on fire

Texts: technically i only agreed not to get set on fire
Date of Scene:	07 September 2023
Location:	Texts
Synopsis:	In which Kazuo checking in with Naru's roommate after Naru misses their morning run prompts an entire cascade of Things, ranging from Usagiflail to Bad Ideas to everything basically hating everything to discussion of Murder Missions (and yet Hannah does not actually appear in this log!) to Kazuo getting handed almost all of the things he was carefully trying to duck having stored in his head. (Strong language, mostly between Kazuo and Kyouka.)
Cast of Characters:	Kazuo Saitou, Usagi Tsukino, Mamoru Chiba, Kyouka Inai
Tinyplot:	Dangerous Orbits

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(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Naru Osaka:
Held up?

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Naru Osaka:
Bad night? (I presume I didn't get the start corner wrong.)

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Naru Osaka:
Out of battery?

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Naru Osaka:
Dead?

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Usagi Tsukino:
Good morning. This is Saitou, from the cookout. I apologize for this being so early, but is your roommate all right? We had a morning run scheduled, and she hasn't turned up.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
[three dots typing typing typing untyping...] no

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
sorry that was probably scary I mean yes everything is fine she just uh forget her coffee and doubled back and it's fine

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Usagi Tsukino:
Ah. Is she unconscious, catatonic, in the hospital, or missing?

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
MISSING T-T

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
kazuo-kun please don't try to find her the person who took her is very on fire

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Usagi Tsukino:
I'll keep that in mind. And presume that Osaka-san had an extinguisher and it didn't work. Let me know if you want food brought up from the cafeteria? (It's perfectly reasonable if you don't want to face crowds right now, or are eating at odd hours.)

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
Thank you.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
I don't know yet but I'll tell you.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
(three dots. three dots.) You should ask Darien. He's helping me look.

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Usagi Tsukino:
And he might feel left out if he didn't have the chance to tell me not to go look for her himself.

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Usagi Tsukino:
Please don't get set on fire.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
you know him really well!

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
I won't.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
worth it if i do and she comes home.

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Mamoru Chiba:
Please don't get set on fire. Also, let me know if you or anyone needs food fetched from the cafeteria. (Offer already made to Tsukino-san. I know things are bad because she didn't immediately say yes.)

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Usagi Tsukino:
If she comes home and you have short hair, she will be Very Upset. (Might still be worth it, but something to bear in mind.)

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
ive been set on fire before. didnt like it. will avoid. how much do you know

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
bc i can fill you in by text. im skipping classes today. dont you skip class!! but if you do tell inai so she can cover for you

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Mamoru Chiba:
how can inai be involved, i havent heard from her yet

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Mamoru Chiba:
what i know is, osaka missing, probably from yesterday, tsukino upset enough to type out 'uh' before her attempt at cover story, firestarter involved, presumably the same one osaka encountered a few days ago

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
same one yeah. also, inai saw it happen. naru called her for help and she couldnt save her so shes messed up about it. also im sorry i didnt text you earlier i was up with usagi until stupid oclock

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
i texted some of my people at obsidian. two of them are helping us find her. i might call in a third

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
the kidnappers name is sunbreaker

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
she apparently thought naru gave usagi power to fight better so she stole naru

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
i dont know where she is. you know i wouldnt have anything to do with sth like this right

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Mamoru Chiba:
i am very low priority on this. support's support.

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Mamoru Chiba:
and yes i know, you would not be this stupid and if even the least bright in your department came up with this plan you would stand on a tall thing and rail at them until either they gave her back or they expired under the sheer weight of shame

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Kyouka Inai:
the fuck

(PHONE) Kyouka Inai texts to Kazuo Saitou:
the fuck do you mean the fuck.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
okay. good point. I don't want her too mad when she comes home.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
sorry to worry you.

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Kyouka Inai:
This is Saitou in case you haven't stalked my phone number already. Do you need anything?

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Usagi Tsukino:
I'm not worried. I know you well enough for that.

(PHONE) Kyouka Inai texts to Kazuo Saitou:
that's a weird follow up to 'the fuck', Kazuo. what i need is freedom, choice, agency, and someone to tell me when i'm about to make things catastrophically worse

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Kyouka Inai:
I can't tell whether that is sheer frustration or "yes I am in the hospital and it's driving me up the fucking wall"

(PHONE) Kyouka Inai texts to Kazuo Saitou:
I'm not in the hospital. I'm fine. i take it this is because you heard about naru? i'm sorry, okay? i'm doing what i can, for all the good it seems to do

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Kyouka Inai:
Not your fault. Nobody can do everything. I am also doing what I can, which is mostly being on call to bring food for people too busy to get it themselves.

(PHONE) Kyouka Inai texts to Kazuo Saitou:
nobody can do everything but this is supposed to be what i'm good at. we contribute different things, we have have a role. kicking ass when the chips are down is supposed to be mine! the fuck good am i to anybody if some punk bitch with bad hair can toss me aside and kidnap a friend literally right in front of me

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Kyouka Inai:
Your attention was necessarily divided. Hers wasn't. And ... look at the first half of your own text again.

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
i do like to stand on tall things and rail at stupidity. sorry. was checking in on a contact and lost my temper. not at them. at any rate do you want in, you can borrow my cape it deflects fire

(PHONE) Kyouka Inai texts to Kazuo Saitou:
don't you get all wise on me, i'm angry and i need someone to stab. i don't want it to be you but don't push your luck, k?

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Mamoru Chiba:
as on call backup. more liabilities are no good. but if you need a spare body to pull osaka under protection and get her out of friendly fire, you have one.

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Kyouka Inai:
technically i only agreed not to get set on fire

(PHONE) Kyouka Inai texts to Kazuo Saitou:
fuckin Darien would never let me hear the end of it. you're safe from me... unless of course you're getting kidnapped and need my help, in which case youre probably fucked

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
please tell me i need to maintain plausible deniability and cannot go in myself. please

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
otoh she is a freelancer

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
and i literally have nephrite looking for her

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
i hate everything

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Kyouka Inai:
don't worry, if i am getting kidnapped i am probably too mind-controlled to notice or something

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Mamoru Chiba:
you need to maintain plaus deniability and cant go in yrself

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
if jadeite finds out im working with sailor moon to save sailor moons friend that he threatened to kill he will lose his fucking mind

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Mamoru Chiba:
there, told

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
youre right i shouldnt go in

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
i am losing my mind

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Mamoru Chiba:
the basic problem seems to be that all of your minds are regularly eloping with your spare socks

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
dont say eloping i need to focus

(PHONE) Kyouka Inai texts to Kazuo Saitou:
don't joke about that shit. i've got enough people to help deprogram as it is.

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
if your aim was to distract me it worked. thank you

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Mamoru Chiba:
you know what you're doing. sometimes you just need a hand getting out of your own way.

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Kyouka Inai:
laughing is more useful than screaming, but i won't point those at you in future

(PHONE) Kyouka Inai texts to Kazuo Saitou:
jokes are fine just not so close to home plz

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Kyouka Inai:
I meant that specific topic, yeah.

(PHONE) Mamoru Chiba texts to Kazuo Saitou:
sth inai told me a little bit ago was to not put more on you than you could handle because we're both idiots who think everything is fine, or sth like that, but if i can wail like a despairing child on you later it would be nice

(PHONE) Kyouka Inai texts to Kazuo Saitou:
appreciated. look i get that you want to help, i know naru-chan is your friend. just be careful, ok?

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Mamoru Chiba:
despairing children are not heavy. let me know when where etc

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Kyouka Inai:
current plan is food provision and apparently impromptu emotional support. do not wish to be on fire. having zero fully mobile people in the apartment would suck.

(PHONE) Kyouka Inai texts to Kazuo Saitou:
I get it. Take care of him, alright?

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Kyouka Inai:
Among others. Let me know if you need dinner. Or coffee.

(PHONE) Kyouka Inai texts to Kazuo Saitou:
yeah. i'm good. but i'll let you know

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
what do you think about murder

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Usagi Tsukino:
escalation is not always a good plan

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
no no i have to talk someone out of murder

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
Naru-chan is my sounding board and my bestest friend and I'm not going to kill Sunbreaker because she's just a jerk and a brat and Naru-chan wouldn't like it

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Usagi Tsukino:
And, if you need more practical reasons, because Sunbreaker may have friends, allies, or interested third parties who would react badly.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
beginning to think she has no friends

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
this doesn't make stealing our friend okay

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
but I don't want her to die

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
but also i really am talking someone else out of a totally different murder mission

(PHONE) Kazuo Saitou texts to Usagi Tsukino:
Ah. Harder to come up with useful counter-arguments if they're already on the mission. Sometimes you just have to stand fast on being better than that yourself, and hope they see it and think twice.

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
it's a mistake

(PHONE) Usagi Tsukino texts to Kazuo Saitou:
i know it is. this won't help